Cabbage Soup!

A lot of you have asked me for the recipe for the cabbage soup I mentioned in the last post, so I thought I would post it here. In fact, there is a whole website dedicated to this "diet" that features the cabbage soup. If you are interested, you can go here:

http://www.cabbage-soup-diet.com/index.php

You can click on the soup recipe there.

I think this recipe and diets revolving around it have been around for a million years. I can remember when a group of us decided we would all try it, and we all had cabbage soup coming out of our ears! It worked, but after a while, I never wanted to see another bowl of that stuff!!!My recipe has evolved over the years to suite my tastes and to satisfy my hunger. I will have a bowl of this for lunch, then another bowl before my VERY low cal supper. I don't do the rest of the diet as outlined on that site. I'm just eating VERY low cal right now. Gotta get it off FAST as the days are going by before that dreaded Dr. visit!

And I have an awful confession to make. I even have to lose MORE than he knows because I leaned on the desk when I was weighed, so it looked like I weighed less than I really did. So. . . . . that didn't help me out any. With the outcome of the dr. visit being what it was, I would have been better off making myself look like I weighed MORE rather than less. I'm not even down to what my chart says, no less lost anything! I'm paying for my sin!

So here goes:

1 large head of cabbage (remove outer, tough leaves) chopped
3 or 4 yellow onions, chopped
LOTS of celery, chopped fine
2 peppers, chopped (yellow, green or red,)
8 carrots, peeled and sliced
2 large cans of diced tomatoes with juice (seasoned ones work well)
1 large jar of V-8 juice
2 envelopes Liptons beefy onion soup
Seasonings: (it's up to you!)
Sometimes I do taco seasonings, sometimes italian, sometimes just garlic, salt and pepper.
Add enough water to make it SOUP and not STEW! you might need a beef boullian or two.

That is the BASIC thing that I do. But from there, it's all what I have available and the time of the year. I have used yellow summer squash, zucchinni, a few green beans, etc. Any of the low cal, low carb veggies. I had a bag of frozen italian veggies and a bag of stir fry veggies, and I threw those in.

Also, you can change the whole flavor by using chicken stock, or chicken boullian, or the Liptons chicken onion soup.

If I have no ideas for supper and don't feel like cooking, I'll throw a few of those little frozen meatballs and a little bit of cooked pasta or rice in the soup and just have that.

I'm not saying this is the best soup in the world, but it sure is filling and about as low in calories as a soup can get (outside of just plain broth!), and that's what I need to get me through the day.

I've lost 5 pounds since Friday!!!!!!

Seems Like Forever!!!!

I have been so frustrated with Blogger the past few weeks. Am I the only one with problems???? I keep getting error messages with a diagnostic thingy to go through. Then, when I do that, it repeats again. Then, finally, I might see my own blog. Worse yet, when I go to all of YOUR blogs, I can't seem to see the posts most of the time. I get the title bar with your blog header, I get your "down the side" stuff with the links and pictures, but NO POSTS. Just blank pages. Then, miracles of miracles, one time out of a million, I get to read a blog, try to comment, and poof ---- it's gone!

Believe me, I have not been ignoring anyone. Just can't get to you! Have patience, as I'm working on it. Anyone else out there with this going on????? Seems to have started when Internet Explorer downloaded an update or something. Everything went haywire on my computer!

Since my last post, I've been doing fine here. HOT, but fine! Had a birthday last week, celebrated with a big, juicy steak, but decided to leave off the cake. I wanted to buy myself one of those sheet cakes and have them cover it completely with those icing roses. No writing, no blank spots ---- just LOTS of roses!!!! But when I came back to reality, I decided it wouldn't be worth the months it would take to get those roses off my hips again. And believe me, those hips don't need reenforcements at this time!

Now that I've brought up that subjebt of HIPS. . . .!!!!! I went to my oncologist this past Monday and it was NOT a happy visit! He was super nice ---- nicer than he usually is with his blunt, to the point, comments. This time, he was smiley, complimented me on how great I looked, etc. You have to know that up until this point, he has never mentioned my weight or chided me to lose, etc. But today, he leaned back in his chair, and asked THE question. . . . . "Have you ever considered surgery and the lap band procedure to help you lose the weight? I've heard great things and fantastic reports are coming in about the results with this!" I felt the big "L" being branded on my forehead (L stands for LOSER, if you didn't know!)

I didn't say much, but he then went on to tell me all the stuff I already knew . . . would help with the blood pressure, I'd feel so much better, I wouldn't have all the aches and pains in the joints, etc., etc. I've been down this road. Lost it all years ago. After gaining it all back, I just haven't had the energy, the will power, or that "I can do it" victorious feeling it takes to even start!!!!!

So. . . . he gets off that terrible subject, gets me on the exam table and starts poking and squishing. Then. . . . I made the mistake of asking the wrong question. I asked if I could get the port out any time soon. You know, that horrible thing they use to pump the chemo into you. I have to have it "flushed out" every 6 weeks so that blood clots don't form in it. That means a huge needle getting whacked into my chest, heperin pumped in there, then flushed out, etc., etc., every six weeks. I thought it was a legitimate question being that I'm done with chemo, wouldn't you think?

He sighs a big sigh, rubs his bald head, and says, "LOOK!!!" (I know that's trouble!)
"Let's face reality here. Given the severity and spread of your cancer, the long wait before you got treatment, we have to face the fact that it IS going to come back. Not IF, mind you! I don't know when, but it will come back. So you will need that port in there!"

What a reality check that was. All this time, I go to sleep with all the "what if's" going through my head. Now, it's no long what if, but rather WHEN!!!!! Doesn't help with the "Getting on with your life" idea that I'm supposed to be doing.

And it certainly doesn't help with the idea of a diet. Mind you, I'm the type of person that, if you say I can't do something, I'll die in the process of trying to prove you wrong! So. . . . now that this dr. thinks I can't do it on my own, I seem to have this "do or die" thing going on. It took a few days for me to work it up, but I'm now really into it. I went out and bought my trusty heads of cabbage for my No Fail cabbage diet soup and will eat that for three months, even if it kills me! It will be three months before I see this dr. again, and so help me. . . . .!!!!!!

So . . . . no cake, no steak, no homemade bread, no butter, no nothing!!!!!!

UPDATE FROM BUSTER: WHERE'S THE BEEF??????


You have to understand that Buster has ALWAYS sat at the table like this, ever since I got him at 7 weeks old! He doesn't drool, doesn't beg, doesn't whine. . . . doesn't even MOVE!!! But always waits patiently to see if there is ANYTHING left for him. No beef tonight, buddy! Cabbage soup did NOT interest him at all!

PET Scan results

Last Thursday, I finally went for my PET scan. It's always a nerve-wracking thing to do, believe me. Not because it's scarey or hurts, etc., ---- it's just that you dread hearing the results. And even that is strange, because you want the results immediately, if not sooner, but there is still that dread that you might hear the worst of the worst. But they won't tell you a thing!!! Not even a hint! Just lovely, smiling faces tht tell you, "Your doctor will call you if he needs to talk with you about your scan. Have a nice day!" And so you go home, wondering, praying for the best, dreading the worst, and again wondering where all that faith is. . . .!!!!

I've come to the place where I call breast cancer the "What If" disease! There are just way too many gray areas. Too many things left unanswered. Too many "wait and see" issues. Too many statistics. Every headache, pain, cramp, lump, bump, etc., becomes a "What if" and you feel more paranoid than you ever thought possible. Add to that, waiting for the test results to a PET scan is pure torture! It just shouldn't be! Supposedly, if they don't call, everything is OK and there's nothing to worry about. But then, the "What if's" start in: What if the Dr. didn't see that piece of paper and it's buried on his desk? What if someone forgot to call me? What if he's on vacation? And so, we're back to the "What if" game???? It got so bad that I actually thought that maybe he just isn't calling because I'll see him on the 20th anyways and then he'll give me the bad news that it's hopeless and there's nothing he can do for me! Now THAT is what I call stretching the imaginary scenerios to the limit, don't you think??????

So. . . Here it is Wednesday. I've been waiting since Thursday. Can I breathe yet?
I couldn't stand it this morning. I called the cancer center and asked. I just know that some gal answering the phone is going to get that huge rubber stamp out of her desk drawer today and the bright red ink pad and stamp on the cover of my chart, "HIGH MAINTENANCE PATIENT!!!!" You know, those patients that call constantly about everything from a runny nose to a stubbed toe! But I didn't care today. I just think the "No call if everything is ok" policy stinks!

So the gal on the other end of the phone says, "I'll pull your chart and have a nurse call you back with the results." It's been an hour. . . .. no call back yet!

Have you ever had a PET scan? I've often wondered how they come up with these things. The night before and the day of the scan, you can't eat or drink any carbs or suger, etc. 6 hours before the scan, nothing. Then, when you get there, they give you a shot of radioactive glucose. You wait for about 40 minutes to an hour for this to go through your system. Next, you lay on a plank, knees bent, arms over your head, and you go through an arch. I thought it was a tunnel at first, but it is open at each end and short enough that my head and/or feet were hanging out each end. Not as clostrophobic as you might think. The first pass through the "arch" is a CT scan that shows the skeletal system. This is fast. The second pass takes about 20 - 30 minutes. This one shows the rest of everything that's inside of you. The radioactive glucose has now circulated throughout your body, and cancer cells are grabbing onto the glucose because they are VERY hungry by now. So. . . if there is anything cancerious in your body, it will light up like a Christmas tree on the scan results.

I had my first PET scan back in February and nothing showed up then. I'm still sitting here wondering about this one. . . . ??????!!!!!!!

UPDATE!!! The Cancer Center just called to let me know that NOTHING showed up on the PET Scan! THANK YOU, LORD!!!! I wonder if I added up all the time I spent worrying about this in the past two weeks or so, how much time I actually wasted?????? To say NOTHING of how much I heaped on others with all my whining and worrying about all the "what if's!" Next time I start with all this and whine to ya'll, just tell me to stuff a sock in it, won't you????? Seriously, though, I do appreciate all your prayers for me. Thank you from the cockles of my heart!!!!! (When I was a kid, my pastor referred to "the cockles of his heart" and I always wondered what "cockles" were! Does anyone know????) I just Googled it, and if you really have to know, click here:
http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-coc2.htm

An Old Farmer's Advice!

An Old Farmer's Advice:


* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. *

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.*

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.*

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.*

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.*

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.*

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.*

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.*

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.*

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.*

* Every path has a few puddles.*

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.*

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.*

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.*

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.*

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.*

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.*

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.*

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.*

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.*

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.*

* Always drink upstream from the herd.*

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.*

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.*

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.*

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.*

*Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.*
--

Don't pick a fight with an old man.. If he is too old to fight,

he'll just kill you.



Some days all you can do is smile and wait for some kind soul to come and pull you out of the bind you've gotten yourself into!!!!!

Just to Let you Know!

So many of you have been asking me how I'm doing, and I so much appreciate all your concern and prayers. One of the greatest benefits about blogging that I never knew was there before is how many great friends I've made and how many have committed themselves to praying for me. I can't begin to tell you all how thankful I am for that and how encouraging it is to get your notes, etc. THANK YOU and big hugs to all of you!!!!!

I have been feeling really good the past few weeks. It is a strange thing -- after going through chemo, then surgery, then radiation, you forget what "good" really is. I thought I was feeling "good" after I got through chemo and that was done. Little did I know that "good" could be so much better!!!!

I just wish my hair would grow faster. I still look like a marine! And I'm so disappointed that it did not come back in curly. It is sooooooo straight. Poker straight!!!! My sister asked me what color it is. I was hoping for blond like I was when I was a kid, or at least a nice "old lady white" or all gray. Instead, I look like a squirrel. You know, that grayish, whitish, brownish thing with a few black hairs here and there, etc. It will need a lot of work, believe me, when it's long enough.

My only problem right now is a lump I found at the mastectomy site, just a little above the stitch line. It's about the size of a cherry. At first, I wondered if it was a rib, since it has only been recently that I could actually feel anything there. Before this, it was either swollen from the surgery, or so burned that I couldn't touch it. It's taken a while for all the swelling to go down, and now that it has, I found this crazy little cherry sized lump. I asked my Primary care Dr. about it, and she sent me for a chest x-ray. That report went to my oncologist, and I went in to see him yesterday. He's also puzzled by it and doesn't know what it is. So I'm lined up for a PET scan on July 2nd.

So once again, all those thoughts flood through my mind. All the "what if"s", the "I can't go through this again," the "what if it has spread," and all the rest just keep sneaking into my thoughts. I know you will all tell me not to think about it, but . . . . . you just can't help it. I've come to call cancer the "What If Disease." It seems to be the major thought process of anyone I know who has gone or is going through this. The trouble is, there is no answer to all those "what if's". I'm the first to tell other people not to worry, that most of it all doesn't happen anyways, etc., etc. But when it's ME, then it's a different story. I seem to allow myself all the "what if's!"

Today, the area is a little sore. That oncologist of mine is not a gentle soul! He goes at you like you are a two pound ball of bread dough and starts kneading, pushing, prodding, poking, squishing, squeezing, etc., until you feel your ribs are going to break. And when he starts under your armpits, or does a breast exam, you wonder if you will even have a breast left when he is through. Believe me, if that's how we are supposed to do a self-breast exam, NONE of us do it right! I'm sure that's why it's sore today. Every time he does this, I lay there on that exam table with my fist clenched, ready to sock him one. I haven't yet, but there may come a day when you will hear on the news about the first case in Florida where a doctor sues a patient for socking him in the face!!!!!

So. . . .don't know when the report will be back from the Pet scan. Usually it takes a few days. And since they don't call you if the scan is clear, you just wait and worry an appropriate amount of time and then figure everything is OK! I'll give it until the 9th of July, and then let my breath out!

Another Angel in my Life!

A few weeks ago, I posted about Teresa and the impact she has had on my life and the lives of other cancer patients at the Cancer Center.

Today, I'd like to introduce you to another "angel" I met some time ago -- Mary!

Mary is the owner of Stillwater Dog Training, more readily known in my house as "Bad Boy School." Those of you who have followed my blog from the beginning know all about this place, about Buster, my chocolate lab, and all the trials and tribulations he has put me through. I signed up for dog training classes with Mary, and let me tell you, I have never forgotten her.

First of all, she was just the nicest person you would ever want to meet. She put the class at ease, as we all felt we had the worst possible dog in the world and would definitely flunk out (I ended up winning that award!) It didn't surprise me at all when she closed that part of the class with prayer, and I knew she was someone who knew the Lord personally and really cared about us all. She took her job so seriously and wanted us all to succeed and make it through the trouble spots we had with our dogs.

I always felt at ease with Mary. She would always take time to answer my questions as I related my problems about Buster with her. It was such a dark time for me, as I was really thinking I would have to get rid of him if things didn't change. She encouraged me every single week, and I would go home and try again and put him through all the exercises and commands.

It didn't end well, as Buster became more stubborn, self-willed and defiant, and you will remember that I didn't go back for that last class. I felt like such a failure and wondered over the next few months if Buster and I would really make it.

I contacted Mary a few times after that, and she has always been helpful, encouraging, and just. . . . . so nice! And when I found out about my cancer and all the treatments coming my way, I had questions and doubts about Buster. She promised to pray for me and Buster and somehow, I knew she would!

Buster has come a long way. Maybe someone who didn't know him a year ago would raise an eyebrow and call him a wild maniac of a dog. But to me, he's an angel compared to what he was. And I owe it all to Mary, the techniques she taught me, and her prayers!

I remember those first few classes. . . . I had delusions of grandeur, thinking that I would love to be a dog trainer like Mary. She just loved her work, loved her dogs, gave so much to the community with Ruger, her work dog. You can read about her and Ruger

HERE!.

But I soon found out that dog training is definitely a gift from God! And I don't have it! Mary has chosen to share that gift with others by teaching us how to handle our dogs properly! But even further than that, she has trained her own dog to be a "sniffer", to work with police and law enforcement, and to be a rescue dog. She has given so much of herself! I know how much it has meant to ME during this past year to have Buster's slobbery kisses and his happy face around me ---- something I would NOT have had, believe me, if Mary had not helped me with all the behavioral issues!

Thank you, Mary, for all you do for so many people! I know I'm not the only one who has been impacted by your life and your talents!

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. . . Others come and stay awhile, encourage us, show us a way we never saw before, and somehow, we are never the same again.

Rainy Days and Mondays

No, they don't get me down --- in fact, I LOVE rainy days, and today is one of those. After such a long season of drought here in Florida, we are finally seeing a return to those daily showers, and sometimes --- just long, rainy days! Like today!

The day started out sunny, but it gradually got darker and darker as the gray clouds moved overhead. Then, I heard the drops hitting the exhaust fan thingy on the roof. And Buster and I headed for the back porch. He's not much for playing in the rain, but does love it when I go out and sit in the rocking chair, so he was all gung-ho!

It was one of those steady, hard rains, no wind, no thunder and lightening -- just rain coming straight down. I noticed all the leaves on the trees dancing as they got showered and washed. Puddles were forming fast, and the birdbath soon overflowed. A very large toad, afraid of rising flood waters, hopped across the lawn, through the fence and off to safer, higher ground.

And then it happened. . .

Buster was bored with it all, but for my sake, laid down on the porch and tried to act like he was enjoying the whole thing. All of a sudden, he was up like a shot ---- a squirrel was sitting on the sidewalk, wondering where to go to keep dry. I don't think he had a chance to decide as Buster was fast on his tail, telling him where to go. Up that tree he went, but I noticed he was smart enough to hang on the underside of a big limb which served as an umbrella. He was a little smarter than Buster who stood there in the pouring rain looking up the tree! Poor Buster! He just can't seem to catch one.



I'm always amazed at the birds during a storm. The whole time it was raining, I never saw or heard one bird. But it seems they just know when it's about over and begin to sing. There is nothing more beautiful than the choir of birds singing at the end of storm. Today, it was the wren who started off with the solo part. Then the woodpecker made it a duet. Wasn't long before the bluejay added a perky little tune, and then the flycatcher. Soon, the titmice, cardinals and others joined in. I always wonder how they seem to know when the end of the storm is near????

And you talk about making the best of a bad situation!!!! A pair of cardinals came out and perched in the cherry tree, then began rubbing up against the wet leaves. Definitely a very unique way to take a shower!



I always loved the song playing --- Rainy Days and Mondays. But they don't get me down. Today, it cheered me up! I came back inside, enjoyed a bowl of hot, homemade hamburger and veggie soup, and thanked the Lord for all His goodness towards me! Buster is laying next to me, soaking wet but dreaming of squirrels, and we are both waiting for the next rainy day to come our way!

Angels --- From a Child's Perspective

A friend sent me this in an email, and I thought it was just too precious!!!!!


Angels Explained By Children

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.

-Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it

-Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.

-Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.

-Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.

-Henry, 8

Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!

-Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.

-Daniel, 9


When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.

-Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.

-Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.

-Jared, 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.

-Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.

- , 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.

-Vicki, 8

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.

-Sarah, 7

Mourning the Loss of a Great Friend!

It's just terrible!!!!! Totally unexpected and heart-breaking! I just sank into my chair and said, "NO!!!!! This just can't be happening to me!!!!"

You see, we had really just gotten to know each other. Up until a few months ago, we would see each other only once in a while, and I must confess, it was for selfish reasons only. It's only been recently that I realized how much this friend had to give and before this, was left out in the cold!

It's my bread machine!!!!! It died today. Very suddenly. And in the line of duty, of all things!!!!

I wanted pizza dough. I got out my recipe, dumped the junk in there, plopped the pan in the machine and set it on dough setting, and away it went. I've gotten to just love the sound as it starts up slowly --- mixing all the lovely junk in there -- and then revving up and slapping that dough around, making that beloved ball of dough.

But today. . . . in the middle of it all, it died. Just up and quit!

What in the world am I going to do????? I had just gotten to the point where I found out all this wonderful machine could do. I've made the best breads, learned about the dough only cycle, etc., etc. I know, I know!!!! I don't NEED bread. In fact, I don't need ANY bread, or pizza dough, or rolls, or butter, or jelly, or cream cheese, or anything else that goes with the word bread. But it's my all time favorite thing. . . . .!!!!!!!

Please just let me mourn the death of my friend. It's still sitting on my counter. I can't even move it.

Salmon Cakes!

I know!!!!! You are already thinking about that stuff that comes in the can where you have to pick out the bones and skin, etc. NO!!!! This is made with fresh salmon and much easier and better tasting!!!!! NO CANS!!!!!

I was being lazy one day last week, and I watched the Food Network channel. Ina Garten was cooking these salmon cakes and they just looked sooooooo delicious, so I copied down the recipe. She said this would also be good with crab or lobster. Yummmmm!!!!!!

I know the list of ingredients looks like "work", but I had most of the stuff already. I never cooked with capers before, so I bought some of those. Salmon was $6.99 a pound. Most of the other stuff was on my grocery list anyway, or I had on hand.

I must say, this rated a 10 in my book. My salmon weighed in at more than a 1/2 pound, so added a little more of the other stuff to compensate. I ended up with 12 good sized salmon cakes, and it was just the best thing I've made in ages!!!!! In fact, the next day, I heated one up in the microwave, toasted an English muffin, used mayo and tomato, and it made the best ever sandwich!!!!

Please note: This may seem wet and loose when you make the patties. Mine was. But I gingerly put them into the frying pan, wondering if they would stay together. They did!!!! Just don't fuss with them!


Ingredients
1/2 pound fresh salmon
Good olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
3/4 cup small-diced red onion (1 small onion)
1 1/2 cups small-diced celery (4 stalks)
1/2 cup small-diced red bell pepper (1 small pepper)
1/2 cup small-diced yellow bell pepper (1 small pepper)
1/4 cup minced fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 tablespoon capers, drained
1/4 teaspoon hot sauce (recommended: Tabasco)
1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 teaspoons crab boil seasoning (recommended: Old Bay)
3 slices stale bread, crusts removed
1/2 cup good mayonnaise
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
2 extra-large eggs, lightly beaten

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Place the salmon on a sheet pan, skin side down. Brush with olive oil and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Roast for 15 to 20 minutes, until just cooked. Remove from the oven and cover tightly with aluminum foil. Allow to rest for 10 minutes and refrigerate until cold.

Meanwhile, place 2 tablespoons of the butter, 2 tablespoons olive oil, the onion, celery, red and yellow bell peppers, parsley, capers, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, crab boil seasoning, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper in a large saute pan over medium-low heat and cook until the vegetables are soft, approximately 15 to 20 minutes. Cool to room temperature.

Break the bread slices in pieces and process the bread in a food processor fitted with a steel blade. You should have about 1 cup of bread crumbs. Place the bread crumbs on a sheet pan and toast in the oven for 5 minutes until lightly browned, tossing occasionally.

Flake the chilled salmon into a large bowl. Add the bread crumbs, mayonnaise, mustard, and eggs. Add the vegetable mixture and mix well. Cover and chill in the refrigerator for 30 minutes. Shape into 10 (2 1/2 to 3-ounce) cakes.

Heat the remaining 2 tablespoons butter and 2 tablespoons olive oil in a large saute pan over medium heat. In batches, add the salmon cakes and fry for 3 to 4 minutes on each side, until browned. Drain on paper towels; keep them warm in a preheated 250 degree F oven and serve hot.

Farrah's Story

At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to watch this documentary on Farrah's journey with cancer. So many times, the life of the rich and famous stars are sensationalized and reality is hidden, and I didn't want just another tear-jerking movie about cancer! But I watched it anyways, and I'm so glad I did. This was definitely "reality TV" in the raw!

My reactions were so mixed with some of my reactions even surprising myself. I felt so sorry for Farrah right from the beginning, and her reactions to having cancer were so typical --- surprise, fear of the future, will try anything, must be positive, etc., etc. It was all there. Only those of us who have been through the horrors of chemo could relate to what she went through. I must be honest here, though, and say truthfully that I never had the terrible nausea that she had with hers. I only had that the day after my surgery!

I must say, Farrah was much more brave than I could have ever been. There is no way I could have had those procedures done on my liver and be wide awake and in that much pain! And to think she went back for that several times over. She definitely gets ALL my respect for going through that, believe me!

I came away from this program feeling somewhat sad -- almost depressed! With all the research, and all the money that has gone into cancer just in my lifetime, it seems that not much has changed. Yes, we have better means of detection, giving patients an earlier start on treatment. And yes, we have different chemos, better and more accurate radiation treatments, and maybe surgeons are more skilled, etc. But it still boils down to cutting it out, burning it out, and/or poisoning it with chemicals! And even with all you go through, there are no promises that it's gone. It only takes ONE little cell. . . .!!!!!

Another thing that came to the surface for me was the choices we have to make as cancer patients. Farrah's choice was to seek alternative treatment in Germany. You may correct me on this if I came away with the wrong impression ---- but I gathered from what was said throughout the documentary that Farrah chose treatment in Germany because she did not want a colostomy and live with a colostomy bag, and she did not want to lose her hair as that was what made her famous. Based on those two things, she passed up tried and true treatment here in the states, did not have the standard surgery and the standard chemo for her type of cancer. These are horrible things to have to live with -- wondering if you've made the right choices, should you change doctors, should you enter trials where new and promising drugs are being tested, etc., etc. All the "what if's" are always going through your head as you fight for your life.

And I felt her pain as she waited for test results to come back. Only cancer patients seem to understand that dreaded, nagging thought that is always in the back of your mind -- "I wonder if they got it all or if it will come back?" You become paranoid with every little ache, pain, headache, cough, and so on!

I came away from Farrah's Story with a big sigh. She fought so hard! I'm not sure I would go as far as she did, but that can change at any moment when it becomes MY fight for life. It is so hard to stand on the sidelines and watch someone else fight such an enormous battle like this. In the end of it all, there's not much anyone can do to help you except to cheer you on. . . . and PRAY!

I went to bed last night and whispered a prayer of thanks to the Lord for His presence in my life and for giving me the knowledge that He walks with me through anything that comes into my life. Sometimes we do not know the purpose of these diseases and we question God's love and care with that age old question, "WHY ME???"
I'll be honest, I've asked it!!! But somewhere deep in my soul comes back the question, "Why not you?" Am I better than anyone else who has been through cancer?
Is cancer a punishment? A strike against an innocent human being from a sadistic God?
Of course not! From the moment I was born, I was destined to die. . . from something.
I did not come with a guarantee that I would be free from disease, sadness, hurts, and pains. But I did come with a gift waiting for me . . . a gift I only had to accept by faith . . . that not only would eternal life would be mine one day, but His presence would go with me through whatever life was mine here on earth!

Those of you who have accepted that gift know the peace it brings you. If you do NOT know that peace, and you do NOT know where you would spend eternity if you were to die today, let me know and I would be honored to tell you all about it!

Angels or Friends?

During the past few weeks, I've thought a lot about the people who have come into my life during this cancer journey. Some of them I have gotten to know through blogging, some through other cancer patients, and some I met at the Cancer Center. Each one has made a difference in my life in some way, whether it be through an encouraging card, a hug, a note, a gift, or by just being there. Last night, I thought about one person in particular --- her name is Teresa!

If you were a patient at this particular cancer center, you would have met Teresa on your very first visit. I remember that day so vividly, as it was NOT the happiest day of my life, believe me! I walked in the big, double glass doors, and went to the counter where the sign-in clip board was waiting for me. I signed my name, and put the pen down, and went to find a seat in the big waiting room. I noticed a blond gal open the glass window and reach for that sheet and cross my name off with a yellow marking pen. I later found out that her name was Teresa.

If you have been to one of these waiting rooms, you will know that these are not pleasant places. In fact, I was very much aware of the fact that no one made eye contact, no one talked with each other, and most looked very sick and miserable and in their own little world. And this with much reason to be this way. After all, they were all fighting for their lives, and I'm sure some were losing the battle. So. . . you would sit there and stare at your shoes until the big, heavy door opened and some cheerful, bright-eyed nurse called your name and you disappeared into the treatment part of the building.

I never had any other contact with Teresa during those first visits. I just knew she was there. . . until . . .

About half way through my treatment, I walked in for an appointment and there was a big desk in the waiting room. This was going to be Teresa's new place to work. After that day, she was always there at this desk, had her computer set up there, and was always busy doing something --- sorting mail, answering questions, checking on people's appointments, etc. At first, she seemed quiet, but pleasant. But I noticed as I came back time after time that things were changing in the waiting room. Teresa was beginning to know everyone by their first names and greeted each of us as we came in the door. She always asked how we were doing, remember something about us and engaged us in conversation. I know I immediately felt at ease with her, and soon was laughing and sharing stories about our growing up, etc. The whole atmosphere in the waiting room changed, and I noticed others more talkative and alive. It was no longer the waiting room for Heaven!

When I started radiation and had to go every single day, I actually looked forward to seeing Teresa. One day, I mentioned that I was soooooo very tired of wearing the "chemo hats" to cover my head. She asked if my hair was growing and I said yes, and whipped off my hat at that moment to show her. Her reaction was just so nice and encouraging that I never put it on again. I went home, dug out my make up, and decided I was going to be a woman again from that day on! Thank you, Teresa!!!

You know, I wonder if people really realize what an impact they make on a person's life! You don't have to be a doctor, or a chemo nurse to change someone's day! In fact, I probably had more contact with this one gal than I did with anyone else at the cancer center, and I always went away feeling a little more light hearted and encouraged because of her. I would have to say that someone saw something in her and knew that the best use of her talents would be right there in the waiting room where she could interact with patients when they first came in. Smart move!

I don't know what others saw when they looked at her --- just another employee? a receptionist? someone to answer questions? someone to open the mail? Somehow I remember looking at her closely one day ------ and I'm sure I saw wings!!!

Angel or Friend?
Someday I'll Know!

They come and go, more quickly than
I'd really like, you know.
Sometimes I know their names,
But mostly, when I'd least expect,
they go.
Sometimes they hug me tight,
Silent, but so loving as I cry.
And I go on again,
Strengthened when I thought
I'd only die.
Sometimes they rush into my life,
Bumping me, pushing,
And I see another way.
It's only when they're gone,
And the light from their fair lantern
lingers on,
I wonder, where I would have been
this day?
Are these chance meetings - fate -
or can it be
These are the angels God has promised me?
Are these friends - or angels - is it so?
Maybe not today,
Someday, I'll know!
--Cora Eelman