She came into my life about a year ago, this breath of fresh air, bright and breezy, cheerful and loving. She was getting ready to (re)marry her true love in life, a guy from my church. We hit it off over dinner one night which was supposed to be a time of discussing building a website for his new CD and his music ministry. Instead, it was a time of sharing our life stories, where we had come from and where we had been brought to --- and we just clicked. Strange that this would happen! We are as different as night and day. The roads we traveled are from different ends of the world -- as far apart as any two roads could be. Here’s me, the goody-goody-two-shoes, raised in church, a Christian as long as she was old, and never knew anything about the streets, drugs, alchohol, abuse, etc. And there she is as low as a person can go. . . Never hearing about God and Jesus and what He did for her until one day someone told her she needed to be saved. Her response??? “Saved????? Saved from WHAT?????” I remember smiling but in awe of all of this. Was there ever a day that I did NOT know what being saved meant? I went to Sunday school from the cradle roll department on. And I’m looking into the bright eyes of one dear soul who had never heard, who was confused, hanging on to the last thread of life, crying out to God to somehow get her out of this hole. A God she never knew, didn’t know how to find Him, wondered if He was there, and would He even listen.
To follow her through her story left me awe struck. How these two came through the pits of Hell, rescued by God, picked up and dressed in robes of white, and now sitting here in a restaurant full of people telling me all this just left me with no words. And since then, we have been close friends. Vanessa has enriched my life, caused me to grow, to dig for answers to questions that I did not knew could be questions, to find reasons and a basis for my faith.

Yesterday was a glorious day as I was invited to share her day --- her fifth anniversary of being sober. Nothing better than a surprise party, a whole bunch of us churchy people, a whole bunch of other victors who are heros in my eyes, pizza and cake. But deep within me, the question came up: If this were me, would I have made it? Is there ANYTHING in my life that I have wanted and craved so badly but have given up for 5 years? I can hardly stick to a diet!

And so, the next thing on my list of gathered blessings is

606. Vanessa, and her victorious fight and celebration of sobriety.
607. Her friendship with me, though we are so different.
608. Her nonjudgmental ways of treating people around her.
609. Her willingness to walk with you through anything and everything.
610. Her honesty, risking asking the hard and deep questions.
611. Our dinners together, staying so long and late, being the last ones to leave.
612. Knowing every day is a struggle for her, but seeing her plug on through, clinging to Him for strength.
613. Learning that I was so privileged to hear the Gospel from childhood. Something I always took for granted.
614. Seeing that the Lord never gives up on someone, even though the world would just turn away.

Linking up the Ann VosKamp and so many others who are counting their gifts and sharing them each Monday. You can click on the banner here and find everyone who is doing this and read their beautiful lists:

He Loves Me Still!

I really wanted to quit blogging, take my blog down, and leave this strange, wonderful world. But I couldn't! I've made some of the most wonderful friendships I've ever had here --- soul friends who are walking the same paths, striving for the same things, hurting deeply in the same ways, and rejoicing with the same songs. I weep when one leaves, as I feel that empty place they leave within my heart. All of you inspire me with the depths of your writing, the earnestness of your walk with the Lord, and the greatness of your desire to be the women (and men!) God wants to mold of you. I've been changed by all of this. Deeply changed. Recently, I've watched and listened to a struggling heart. I've prayed for peace, insight, and wisdom for this one. I've thanked Him for the victories, the smiles, and the light on this one's path. I'm amazed at the depth of her soul and her willingness to share it. My dear one, you know who you are, and this is for you:

He Loves Me Still

I bend, my strength is all but gone to stand against the wind.
A wind, relentless with intent that I should break,
And fall into the mire of guilt and shame.
My weakness cries it’s more than I can take.
More than this frailest form can cling and hold,
And roots I thought were deeper than the sea
Now ripping, losing hold within my heart,
And scattered at my feet, all splintered dreams of what I thought was me.

He sees me there, a spineless wreck, holding in these hands my fractured self.
I dare not look, my shame is pushing down this bent and broken child.
He knows where I’m most weak, and likely to be broken in the storm,
That storm that comes again, and still again, raging in the darkness strong and wild.
And yet, He loves me still, so much, He lifts His nail-scarred, loving hands
And cups my tear-stained face, then lifting mine to His,
What cost Him all and everything flows through this heart of mine -
Forgiveness! Can it be He loves me still, even after all of this?

Cora Eelman

My Third Anniversary!

April 10th is always a special day for me. A birthday of sorts --- a birthday I never really expected to be celebrating. It was April 10, 2009, that I finished my whole thing-a-ma-jig with the breast cancer treatments --- chemo, then surgery, then that awful radiation thing. April 10th, I walked out of that radiation room for the last time, burned to a crisp, happy it was over, but thinking that I would rather die than have to go through that again.
There was also that panic that balanced the seesaw of emotions --- wasn't there something else to do that would keep this nastiest of diseases away? Like maybe booster chemo treatments every so often? I wanted a list. Do's and don'ts. Not just, "You're done, girl -- go and find a life again!" I felt abandoned, like I had been kicked out to the street. Happy, but scared.
Thankful, but wanting more. Success, but no faith. Not in control, but wanting control over something. Up and down the seesaw goes.

But over the past few years, that seesaw has slowed down to almost a complete halt. I don't panic over ever ache and pain and lump of fat I find. I don't wonder if tomorrow it will all be changed. And all that scared me silly back then has become the "You can do it!" that I give to anyone else entering this
battle for the first time.

There is always a purpose in the mind of God when He brings us into these things. We may not see it in the darkness of those moments. We may think there is no way through, no answers, no comfort, no voice to lead us to where we should be. We worry, we cry, we make our lists of "what if's" and "what then's" and somehow we see a match being lit to all our dreams and expectatations of normal and nice. We create nightmare-material scenerios, tear-jerking, nose-blowing, stuff that would make five star movies for those who like to cry their way through a sad story. We could lay all of this out before the Lord, and you know what? He would just smile sadly and tell us how much time we have wasted ---- because none of it is in His plan.

Those of you going through this now are probably saying, "Yeah, it's ok for you to say these things when it's over and all is well for you. We don't know that yet." I understand. I'm looking at my life, my cancer journey, through the rear view mirror. I see the twists and turns in the road and now know where it was leading me. But I can tell you this, the same One who walked ahead of me and showed me my path is the same One who is walking ahead of YOU! Job once said so perfectly, "He knows the way that I take, and when He has tried me, I will come forth as gold." GOLD! That is what He sees for me. . . and for YOU!

Thank you, Lord, for grace. . . it's only by Your grace alone that I've been able to come this far, and because of this, it will only be by Your grace that I someday find my way Home!

Linking up with others who have something on their hearts today:

The Shadows of the Heart

The Shadows of the Heart

It couldn’t be true -- It just couldn’t!
There had to be some mistake. . .
Maybe someone else. . .
That’s it!
It wasn’t Him.
It was someone else!

All these people in my way!
Can’t they see I’m in a hurry?
I’ve got to get there. . .
I’ve got to know for sure. . .
It’s got to be someone else!
Oh God, let it be someone else!

Could it really be Him?
Are these people right?
Just a few days ago I stood here
Right here on this very street,
And hailed Him as my King!
My Messiah,
My Savior from this awful Roman rule.
Could this be Him today?
Please no!
Please let it be someone else!

There He is!
There’s the one they’re talking about!
I’ve got to see His face,
I’ve got to know fore sure!
Excuse me, sir, please let me through.
I’ve got to know if it is Him.
Are you sure? Absolutely sure?
The One that did the miracles,
The One that healed,
The One that fed so many,
And held children
On His knee?

It IS Him!
Oh, God, it is Jesus!
I’m not staying here to watch this!
I’ve been taken for a fool!
I believed in this Man,
I was so sure. . .
So so sure. . .
Oh, I’m such a fool!
I should have known it wasn’t real!

Well, He deserves what He’s getting. . .
King. . . What a joke!
He took us all for fools, didn’t He?
Kings don’t hang on crosses!
Kings don’t die before their coronation!
Kings are not prisoners!
Whose the greater fool -- Him or me?

Just look at this street full of people!
Look at the anger!
Look at the disappointment!
All I see is revenge. . .
And fear!
That’s it . . . Fear?


Where are the children?
They always play in the streets!
They were here just a few days ago,
Walking and singing Hosanna
To this One
We all called King!
Look. . . There they are!
They are hiding, afraid just like me.
They are hiding in the shadows. . .
Disappointed, unbelieving!

He never looked back. . .
He never saw the cross. . .
He never understood, even from the start!
No one knew his name. . .
Or knew from where he came. . .
He slipped into the shadows
Of his unbelieving heart!

--Cora Eelman

Listening when He Calls

This morning, God spoke. . . And she listened. A complete surprise to me, as I never knew they were there --- this little family of wrens. Mom and dad were so artful and sneaky in their comings and goings from that tiny nest that I never found it. But there it is, deep within the honeysuckle growing on the fence, all secure in the tangles and twining of the vines, umbrella of tender, new leaves covering overhead.

But today was marked as the designated day to move, and so began the ruckus, the patient but persistent calling, and of course, the cries that spoke loudly of “I can’t do it!”

It started early, at the first hint of sunrise. I heard the noise and thought maybe a cat had found the nest. But there was Mom and Dad Wren, sitting on a branch a few feet away, calling and calling and calling. . . . .
And little ones standing on top of the honeysuckle, arguing back.

Every year, it’s the same story, the same argument, the same journey to the woods -- and every year, I hold my breath. The whole ruckus attracts preditors and they seem so vulnerable in these few moments. It’s their first flight, and that doesn’t always go so well. They don’t go high or with much speed, and they don’t go far before falling beak first into the sandy ground. So I watch . . . And hold my breath. . . And leave Buster inside.

The whole ordeal attracts an audience, it seems. The cardinals are singing away, cheering them on, and the fly-catchers sounds like a band of policemen blowing their whistles as they keep unwanted traffic away from the parade path of little wrens. So, for just a few moments, God looks down and smiles, for all is good!

Momma wren is persistant and does not take NO for an answer. The first one jumps, flaps like crazy, but lands only a few feet from the fence and starts crying like crazy. Nothing to fear, as mom and dad are down there within seconds. They nudge this fearful fledgling until he’s up again, this time a few feet higher and and few yards further. . . . And down again. . . Face in the sand.

I smile, as I’ve been there ----face down in the sand. Parents fly past the downed, shame-faced little guy and land on a tree branch and begin again --calling and calling and calling. Little one is so distressed, flapping wings with high-pitched cries of terror, and I just want to pick him up and run him to the woods. . . But I let him be. And. . . YES! He’s up again,
And makes it to the tree.

Meanwhile, wee ones 2 and 3 feel abandoned and make the jump, land on their face, and the process begins again until the 5 of them are on the branch of the tree. Believe me, these little ones were NOT happy campers. They were in a strange place, being made to do things they had never done, and were now hungry and tired with no food and no nest. Mom sensed the hunger part, flew straight to the feeder, grabbed the first thing she could and stuffed it down their throats. And just as they settled down. . . It began again.
Mom and Dad flew to the next tree and began calling. I wondered how far they had to go with all this and how long it would take. But within an hour, the last little one had made it to the edge of the woods, and all was silent. I wondered. . . Are they now on their own? All alone? I looked for them all day long, listened for their song, but heard nothing. But somehow I knew all was well, the cycle of wren life was going on, and Mom and Dad would be back to begin the whole process again before long.

And so my day begins. I pick myself up out of the sand, brush myself off, and flap my wings. . . . Again. Perhaps today I’ll fly and soar in the winds without falling flat on my beak!

Psalm 8:3-4
When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

Joining up with so many others at On Your Heart Tuesdays. Check them all out -- such good reading!

Continuing the Counting of God's Gifts

To bend the knee and have to put it down,
To pick up thorns to weave a painful crown,
To cast aside a jewel for nails placed in my hand ---
His way is best, and better than I planned!"

To leave behind that which is not a cross,
To count as gain what seems a heavy loss,
To bear the scars of wounds from long ago --
His way is best, it’s all I need to know.

To choose to stay, to burn within the flame;
See! gold comes forth to glorify His name.
Unnoticed, cast aside are ashes cold --
Dreams I longed to keep but could not hold.

Tears that burn, but still I choose to sing;
Blistered feet yet still, I’m following --
Stepping in His footprints in the sand --
His way is best, and better than I planned.
-- Cora Eelman

"I remember the days of old,
I think about all Your deeds,
I meditate on the works of Your hands.
I stretch out my hands to You;
my soul thirsts for You like a parched land.
Let me hear of Your steadfast love in the morning,
for in You I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul."
Psalm 143: 5,6,8

Continuing counting all the gifts God sends my way --- or at least those I take the time to see and notice:

592. Beautiful Spring days during a time when my air conditioner was not working.

593. Open windows, fresh air, singing birds.

594. Someone I could trust to evaluate busted air conditioner.

595. God’s provision for the replacement unit. Buster was the happiest as he was beginning to wonder --- his panting drove me nuts!

596. COOL air gently blowing through those vents!!!! I’m so spoiled.

597. Seeing everything turn green so quickly. With the weather so warm and sunny this month, the leaves couldn’t grow fast enough.

598. Becoming an eagle watcher. I’ve been hooked on watching the live cam from the Decorah, IA eagles nest. It’s been one miracle after another watching the revamping and renovation work done on the nest, then the laying of eggs, the sitting on the eggs through snow storms and rain, wind, etc. Then, the hatching of each of the three eggs. Just pure amazing!

http://www.ustream.tv/decoraheagles

599. The opportunity to share my story of God’s faithfulness through cancer with someone just beginning their journey.

600. Witnessing a baptism of four new believers in Christ. Such a thrill to hear their testimonies!

601. A friend telling me that she celebrates her 5th year of sobriety this month. Her story has always been one of awe inspiring strength to me. I’m so proud of her!

602. Great doctor visits with good reports and still losing weight. It’s slow, but steady. Weight Watchers works.

603. Pastor’s Bible study in Hebrews on Thursday nights. You know, I realized some time back that I have never studied the book of Hebrews as a whole. Yes, I have heard lots of sermons on passages here and there, but never a concentrated study as a book. I’ve always been scared of it, to tell you the truth. But as Pastor began with his introduction, laid out the theme and where we were going, I felt a little more sure of it all. I’m looking forward to this!

604. And our “Bible Institute” study on Monday nights is beginning Romans. Can’t wait for that, either.

605. Blooming wisteria! I’m telling you, I wish I could have a “scratch and sniff” thing here on this blog. This just has to be the scent of Heaven! The only trouble is, I can’t stick my nose in them as there must be a million bees in those blossoms! If only these blooms would last longer!!!!

Joining with so many others who continue to count their gifts:

Where I am From

Over 4 years ago now, I posted this about my self, entitled, "Where I am From." Somewhere, someone had a a list to follow that would guide you in writing your own "history" in a very unique way. The past few days, I was thinking about this, and wouldn't you know. Ann VosKamp wrote hers and posted it today on her blog. So I thought I would repost mine here:

I am from books, from old sappy novels like Elsie Dinsmore that make you cry, and from soft, heart-searching music.

I am from the old style home with big, wide staircases, wrap around porches, railings and slate sidewalks.

I am from the forsythias, the pussy willows and lilacs.

I am from Sintra Klas and oli bollens, and singing hymns around the piano, from Anthonie and Aleida, and Sterenborgs and Eelmans.

I am from the weather watchers, the campers, the nurses, and the typists, the oil burner repairmen, the bakers and the cooks. I am from sea captains and fine keepers of the home.

I am from being afraid of what was hiding in dark closets. I am from staying away from old men in the park, not accepting candy from "bums" and not accepting rides from strangers.

I am from jumpropes and double-dutch, hopscotch and handmade beanbags, swings and seesaws, sandboxes and tricycles.

I am from knowing God loves me, died for me, and that I will be with Him, my Mom and Dad someday. I am from being forgiven, loved. I am from a God of second chances.

I'm from New Jersey, Holland - Texel and Amsterdam, boterkoek and chocolate chip cookies.

I am from the Dad who turned over outhouses as a child, pushed the peddles on the old Dutch pipe organ for his blind uncle as he played. I am from the dad who delivered coal, fixed oil burners, and fixed my bike. I am from the Mother who could knit, crochet, tat and sew anything without a pattern or a chart, and the stepmom who gave every ounce of her being to make my father happy.

I am old stuff, like linens and handmade quilts. I am old kitchen utensils, buttermolds, and rolling pins. I am old hymbooks, old recipes, old lace, and old pictures.

I am from my heart, my soul, my feelings, my prayers. I am from words that need to be written, hugs that need to be given, prayers that need to be prayed and tears that need to be shed.

I am from the Poet's Heart and I love to write and His Songs!

Dark Spots ----- BOZO??????

Yikes!!!!! I woke up this morning, stumbled into the bathroom, and even in the dim, morning light, there it was ------ MY NOSE. I could see it plain as day in the mirror ---- darker than ever. Yep! Looks like it's there to stay. I feel like Bozo the clown. I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was
a temporary thing, as it seemed to be a little lessened the past few days. There is only one possibility: I had quit taking the Niaspan (for high cholesterol), as the flushing and the burning sensation were getting too much for me. It's like a hot flash on steroids ---- like a thousand bee bites on a bad sunburn -- in otherwords, unbearable. For about 4 or 5 days, I didn't take it. Last night, I took it again, and woke up with the now infamous brown nose. Can that possibly be?????? Anyways, I'm on a search for a cure. I wonder, how many lemons does it take to fix a brown nose????? I will try all of these "remedies" listed below and let you know. If none work, I guess I'll join the circus!

Brown Spots on Face Natural Remedies

Brown spots on your face, also known as age spots or liver spots, occur most frequently in older skin, and usually as a result of years of sun exposure. According to the University of Maryland Medical Center, these brown spots appear most commonly in adults over the age of 40, although they may effect individuals of any age if they spend enough time in the sun.

True age spots are considered harmless and do not require medical treatment. They can be lightened with over-the-counter and natural remedies to the point of being almost unnoticeable, although this can take weeks or even months to accomplish. If you’re determined, however, you can remove brown spots on your face over time using the tried-and-true methods described below.

Always consult a doctor if you have an irregular brown spot that appears to change shape, as this may be a sign of skin cancer. It’s a good idea to talk to your physician anytime you notice an abnormality in your skin, especially if you’ve spent a great deal of time in the sun, just to rule out cancer. Once you’re sure that you have nothing more than typical liver spots, then you can begin using home remedies for brown spots on your face.

Lemon Juice


Lemon juice gently bleaches brown spots on your face and hands.
Fresh lemon juice contains mild acids strong enough to slough away the top layer of dead skin and lighten brown spots on your face. For the best results, dab the juice of a fresh lemon directly onto brown spots once or twice a day for as long as necessary.

Honey and Yogurt

Combined, honey and yogurt create a mild, natural bleach that can lighten brown age spots on your face. As an added bonus, the mixture also softens the skin and improves complexion. Try mixing 1 tsp. plain, raw yogurt with 1 tsp. pure honey. Apply directly to the affected areas, allow the mixture to dry completely (about 30 minutes), and then rinse with tepid water. Repeat daily as needed.

Aloe Vera Gel

Gel from the aloe vera plant contains chemicals that slough away dead skin cells and encourage the growth of new, healthy cells, which in turn lightens age spots. Apply aloe vera gel directly to your brown spots once or twice a day until you achieve the desired results. The Reader’s Digest Association recommends using fresh aloe gel straight from the living plant. If you don’t have access to a living aloe plant, you can purchase aloe gel at your local drug store or natural health store, but make sure it doesn’t contain any additives. You want only 100 percent pure aloe gel.

Buttermilk


Buttermilk contains lactic acid that helps fade brown spots.
An old folk remedy for brown spots and skin discoloration, buttermilk contains lactic acid that gently exfoliates sun-damaged skin and pigmented areas. The substance eventually lightens brown spots on your face until they are barely detectable. Dab buttermilk directly onto brown spots, allow it to dry, and rinse with tepid water. Repeat once or twice daily as needed for the best results.

Red Onion

Another common folk remedy for getting rid of brown spots on the face and body is red onion. Rubbing acidic red onion juice directly onto spots once or twice a day is believed to gradually fade the discoloration over time. This remedy doesn’t smell great, but it will work if you don’t mind the lingering scent of onions.

Onion and Vinegar

In her book “More Chicken Soup & Other Folk Remedies,” Joan and Lydia Wilen recommend combining onion juice with vinegar for an effective way to get rid of brown spots. Grate an onion and squeeze it through a piece of cheesecloth until you have about 1 tsp. of onion juice. Combine the juice with 2 tsp. white distilled vinegar, and massage into brown spots twice daily until no longer necessary. Again, this remedy smells awful, but according to many women, it works wonders.

Chickpeas


Chickpeas can help get rid of brown spots on your face.
An Israeli remedy for brown spots on the face requires the use of chickpeas, also known as garbanzo beans (the ones you use to make hummus). You can buy them canned very inexpensively in your local supermarket, or prepare them from scratch. Mash about 1/3 cup of cooked or canned chickpeas with a fork or potato masher, add a bit of water to get a paste-like consistency, and then spread over brown spots. Leave on until the peas begin to dry and crumble, and then rinse away with warm water. Repeat once every night until age spots are gone.

Papaya

Green papaya is rich in a protein-digesting enzyme known as papain that dissolves old, dead skin cells without harming new, young cells. The papain is most concentrated when the fruit is still green, and according to folk medicine, it works wonders for reducing liver spots. Place the fleshy, latex side of the papaya over the discolored areas, and allow it to remain for 20 or 30 minutes once or twice daily. Repeat as necessary until your age spots are gone.

Aromatherapy

Lemon essential oil and benzoin essential oils both have bleaching properties that can help get rid of brown spots on your face, according to Bill Gottlieb in his book Alternative Cures. Gottlieb recommends combining 1 to 2 drops of either of the oils with a vegetable carrier oil such as almond, and then applying to the affected areas twice daily as needed.

Homemade Skin Lightener for Brown Spots

Stephanie Tourles, natural beauty expert and author of Herbal Remedies for a Lifetime of Healthy Skin, recommends making your own lemon cream skin lightener to get rid of brown spots on your face, hands, arms, or anywhere else they appear. The lemon juice acts as an alpha-hydroxy acid and natural bleach, while the cucumber is cooling, and the yogurt’s lactic acid also gently bleaches.

Ingredients:

2 tbsp. freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 small potato, peeled
1/2 small cucumber
1 tbsp. plain, raw yogurt (organic if possible, and with live cultures)
Blender or food processor
Towels
Light moisturizer, optional
Directions:

Blend all ingredients until smooth in a small blender or food processor for a few minutes, until a smooth, spreadable paste is formed.
Store in the refrigerator for up to 24 hours in a covered container, if necessary, although the mixture works best when used just after blending.
To use, pull your hair off of your face and neck, and lie down with a towel under your head to catch drips. This process can get a little messy.
Apply the mixture to your face, and cover with a hot, damp towel. To make breathing easier, use two towels – one for the top of your face and one for the chin and neck – leaving your mouth and nose uncovered.
Leave on for 15 to 20 minutes, rinse, and follow with a light moisturizer if desired. Repeat two or three times a week until the brown spots on your face subside.
Your skin may begin to tingle during the treatment, and this is normal. It’s just a sign that the ingredients are doing their job. Do not use this treatment on sunburned, inflamed or sensitive skin.

Joy Dare Gratitudes on Monday

I feel like I'm on a really great scavanger hunt!!! Beginning in January, Ann's community of those counting their 1,000 gifts were invited to begin the "Joy Dare." At the beginning of each month, Ann gives a list of prompts, so to speak, of 3 specific things to look for each day --- specific gifts we can be thankful for. It's been so great to do this, but some days have been hard. But here we go:

1. 3 gifts at 3pm: 4 chicken thighs waiting for a decision on how they will be cooked for dinner.

A WW coffee latte frozen popcicle

Sunshine, a gentle breeze, and 83 degree weather

2. 3 gifts green: Oak leaves, all new, little and light green, all popping out in the sunny, warm weather of Florida.

The convenient green dumpster I share with 4 other families, making clean-up, trash removal, so much easier here in the country. Something I don’t think about, but always there.

Fresh spinach salad with it’s dark green, tender leaves, well dressed with bits of bacon, sliced hard boiled egg, cherry tomatoes and honey mustard dressing.

3. 3 gifts wore -- My necklace, a breast cancer momento, with the engraved words, “By Grace Alone.”

Memories of an incredible journey through chemo, surgery, and radiation. Scars of a mastectomy, a faint line of stitches, skin tinted tan by radiation.

Hair! Never thought of it as a gift until it was ALL gone --- smooth as a baby’s bottom.

4. 3 gifts hard to give thanks for: dieting! I'm always at odds with it. Always feeling deprived. Always wanting more. But, oh, so thankful for a diet that works, thankful for slow, but steady success, thankful for the willpower to get up and start again when I've fallen.

My vacuum cleaner. I HATE that thing! I HATE using it. We fight. And Buster has caught on that it's not a good thing. It makes me crabby. It gets clogged (my own fault because I don't use it enough!). But I'm so thankful I have it. What would I ever do without it???????

Brown spot on my nose. Yep! I'm having trouble with this one. At first, it looked like a shadow, that maybe my lighting was not right. But on second look, with scrunched up face and twisted neck, there it was ---- I'm now an official brown noser!!!! Reasons??? Perhaps "radiation scatter." Or just "old age spots." Either way, there it is. I feel like Ponochio. I've tried toothpaste (hey, it's supposed to whiten, isn't it????) Anyways, it's been something to laugh about as it seems to humor everyone and tickle funny bones. I think it's God's humorous way of keeping me humble. So I say thank you and sigh!!!!

5. 3 gifts found: Mercy! To live this long, to have made this many mistakes, to have been this stubborn and rebellious, and He has still shown me His mercy and a depth of love I will never comprehend! A thousand thank-you's on this one.

Grace! Were it not for grace, where would I be? On thousand roads to nowhere with salvation up to me! Man, I love that song. I think it's my all time favorite as it just describes ME! Another thousand thank-you's!!!!

A new talent in a friend. To watch him lead the worship service last night made me feel like a proud momma. And the gift is even more precious knowing the pits from which he was raised. Thank you, Lord, for Marty!!!

A New Beginning

A new year and a new start. Nothing better than a clean slate where we can begin again!!!! So sorry I’ve been missing in action for a while. I wasn’t feeling that well, and with all the doctor visits, tests, etc., I felt I lost my momentum with writing, thinking, commenting, etc. I’ve missed being here and visiting my favorite
Bloggy places. I’ll be catching up just as soon as I can.

The few places I have been have intrigued me with goals, resolutions, thoughts, and even chosen words for the coming year. It made me stop and think --- to think back over the past year and where it brought me from, and to think of where the road in front of me is heading. My first thought on New Year’s Day was a line in a song I love so much --- “Whatever my lot, it is well with my soul!” I’m a whiner at times. A complainer. A worrier. All of these seem to be strikes against what I call a strong faith and confidence in a God that I say I trust with my life and soul. Can I HONESTLY say in the darkest of times that “it is well with my soul?” I want to make that my goal for this coming year -- to grow into that kind of steadfast faith!

Which brings me to the thing about a “word” for this year. I’m so intrigued by that! I’m so wordy, and to boil something down into one word is almost impossible for me. But the word “STEADFAST” has been slamming me up against the wall for a while now. I don’t think I waver much in my faith, but I DO waver in my walk. Even as I typed that, I thought, if my walk isn’t right, isn’t that the evidence of my faith?????
I want to follow God’s words to Jeremiah : Thus says the LORD, "Stand by the ways and see and ask for the ancient paths, Where the good way is, and walk in it; And you will find rest for your souls. (Jer. 6:16)

The word, “steadfast” appears numerous times in Scripture, and has its roots in Greek where the roads were made of clay. As the chariots would go up and down these roads, ruts were formed, similar to the ruts of old country roads and driveways. The smoothest and safest way to travel these roads was to keep the wheels in the ruts. To remain steadfast would mean for us to stay in the ruts that have been formed by those who have gone before us, the good way, the ancient paths.

Years ago, I lived in the farm country of Virginia. The house sat on a hill, a ways off the main road. It was an old 1800’s home, and the driveway leading to this house was as old as the old farmhouse. The ruts had been dug out over the decades to where the fencing now stood higher than the roof of the car. And we all knew that the safest way to ride that driveway was to stay in the ruts!

I want to be known as a “steadfast” person --- someone who doesn’t quit, swerve, back up, or try new and questionable ways. And if I only move one step forward this whole year, I will have considered it a profitable and successful year.

Skaree Stuf (Gest post bi Buster)

Mi mommee sed I cud rite this tuda -- ownlee becuz I convinzt her that I had sumtheeng portant tu sa.

I take good cayr of mi mommee. At leest, I do mi very best. I jus no wat is good and oh-kay, an wat is bad and not oh=kay.

Last week, theengs were NOT oh-kay. Furst, mommee found wet arownd big water dish in bathruum. I towld her I didn’t do it. She was veery crabbee. It got wurse wen she fownd big hole in ruuf ware parts uf
Tree fell. Now she is even moor crabbee -- but not at me, thank goodness.

Nyce gi called “ruufer” cums an tells mommee “big job!” Lots of monee. Mommee not happee camper but he pets me and sez I am good, so he seems oh-kay to me. Mommee sighs a lot, but says yes to new roof. Tels me no more gud-boi bonees for a long tyme beecuz nu roof costs lots. WHAT???? Foreget nu roof.

I thot she lisened tu me. But then, awl these men showed up. Mommee tride tu tel me they were buzzard cachers. They made lots of noyse up there. The furst day, it wasn’t too bad. But I was glad wen they went away.

On nex day, they cayme back. With shooters! Lotz of men with shooters! I tried to tell my mommie to take cuver beecuz we were under attak and Thayer waz nuthin I cud du.

That wuz the scaree part -- nuthin I cud du. I’m supposed to du stuf when scaree things cum r way -- lyke buzzards and furree things and red burds, and garbage truks. But theze men with shooters were on my hous and I cud no see them and they were shooting. I started shaking reely bad so my mommee tuk me aut syd ware I cud see the shooters.

Hey, folks out thare, learn it -- sumtymes, thare iz nuthin you can du. An you hav to hav a mommee wu noze itz oh-kay eeven tho it duznt seem oh-kay. She’s a prittee good mom!

Becoming

Dear Lord,

Somehow, please help them to understand,
Because right now,
In all my confusion,
Disappointments,
And searching,
I don’t even
Understand
Myself.

Help them to understand
I’m struggling ---
And struggling hard ---
To find the answers ---
Your answers ---

To questions I don’t know
How to ask,
And sometimes,
I’m not even sure
I know the questions
Knawing at my soul.

Somehow, Lord, please help them to understand --
I want your best
For me
And those I love.
It seems right now
The things I thought
You chose as best
Are not;
Yet, still,
I cannot find
Just what it is
That will replace
My best with Yours.

Somehow, Lord, please, somehow --
There must be someone who understands;
Someone brave enough,
Someone who cares enough
To hug me and to say,
“I understand,
I’ve been there,
I’ll walk the road again
And see you through.”

Somehow, dear Lord, help me
To help them understand.
I’m so afraid
Of sharing all the depths
Of all that hurts,
Of all that doubts,
Of all that yearns and thirsts
For something more.
It hurts when those
Who do not care
Turn away from me
As if I were diseased.
Help them to understand
I need to struggle
And struggle hard
To become ---
Oh, Father,
To become what?

That’s it, Oh Lord,
That’s all they need to understand ---
I want no more
And be assured,
I want no less,
Than to become
Like YOU!

Not high,
Not mighty,
Not lofty,
Or above them;

Not more spiritual,
Not more wise,
Only more like You.

Help them to understand, dear Lord,
I need some time --
Time alone --
Yet,, not alone --
For oh, that they could know
How I yearn for their support
And love,
And yes,
Even an understanding tear.

I’ll do my best --
I have no other choice.
I’ve weighed my options,
Counted all the costs ---
And turning back ---
(back to what?) --
Is not one option
I cannot think about.
I’ll do my best
To learn the unlearned art
Of becoming. . .

Becoming patient
Of those who think
Pat answers always work.

Becoming loving
Of those who are unlovely.

Becoming compassionate
Of those who turn away.

Becoming lovely
And beautiful,
And endearing
To those who say
Unlovely things.

Becoming ---
Oh Father,
I never knew
It would be so hard
To become
Just a little more
Like You!

--Cora Eelman

Continuing counting my grace gifts. . . .

585. Sales on pork roasts, fish, veggies, and even my favorite bread.

586. Cooler weather after a long, hot summer.

587. Watching leaves lose their grip on their branch and slowly dance to the ground.

588. Birds who seem to know within seconds that I have filled their feeder.

589. A diet that works for me (Weight Watchers.)

590. Buster, who doesn't care if I'm fat as long as I'm happy and not crabby.

591. Sharing recipes with friends and finding encouragement and support.