Chemo Treatment #3!

All went well today. And it went faster than the other two times. This time I went prepared with some cookies, bottled water, grapes, etc. I seem to get sooooo hungry with this. And then Juri and I went to Denny's for club sandwiches and a salad. You would have thought we hadn't eaten in days!!!!!

My blood work was fine, BP was fine, etc. Got to see my oncologist again and he was in a VERY happy mood today. Called me his trouble patient!!!???? But when he looked at the "hole" at the tumor site, he did say in a very excited voice that it was looking soooooo much better ---- wonderful!!!!! That made me very happy. I pressed him for some kind of number with these chemo treatments. Just so I could have a light at the end of the tunnel, a number to cross off, etc. He rubbed his bald head, grimmiced a bit, but said he could be sure, but probably 6. So I'm half way through. That also made me feel very relieved. The chemo treatments will take me to Thanksgiving. I hope I get some break after that, but in some ways, I just want it all hurried up and over with.

So now I begin the three week journey over again. I hope it's easier this time. At least I'm more prepared for the black days, and I did get the Prilocec for that "brick" that seemed to never move from my stomach. It's already helping. If I can remove every little whiney annoyance that I can, at least I can just lay in bed in peace and count off the days! But when you have a rock lodged in your stomach, you can't eat or drink because of it, on top of feeling like flattened out road kill -- well, that was just one thing that had to be resolved.

Tommorrow I go back for that Neulasta shot (keeps the blood count up). It's usually the day after that that I start noticing the downhill slip. By Friday night, I expect to cave in. Then it's like, "See ya next week, gang!"

Thanks again for everyone who has been praying for me. I can't beleive all the support, love, prayers, emails, etc., that I've been getting!!!!!! I've tried to get back to everyone, and I will eventually!!!! Just know that it has meant everything to me to know that you are all there praying. Couldn't have come this far without you, believe me!!!!!

Daybook entry for September 15, 2008

FOR TODAY (September 15, 2008)...

Outside My Window It's a beautiful morning, sunny, with a little breeze. Starting to feel a little cooler in the mornings now -- a relief after a hot, muggy summer! Some leaves are starting to fall, too!

I am thinking. . . I can't believe almost three weeks have past already since my last chemo treatment and that #3 is just a few days away. I get knots in my stomach just thinking about it. It's one thing to wake up one morning and discover you are sick or something. It's another thing to KNOW that in a few days you will feel like death warmed over and have to plan for it!!!

I am thankful for... Loving and praying friends and family. My sister's chili. All the cards and gifts I've received. .

From the kitchen... Don't have a clue yet. I have a full freezer, so I'll be opening the door in a while, standing there staring, hoping something jumps out at me. Maybe meatloaf?.

I am wearing... print tee shirt, black slacks, barefoot!

I am creating... Ideas on how to get through this day, and the rest of my life of chemo treatments! If each one is worse than the next, I wonder if I'll make it through this next one. It seems that I tire out so easily lately and have to plan things out so there are breaks in between. I hope I can get some idea from the Dr. Wednesday as to how many more I'm going to have to have. I would at least like to have some idea as to how far down the road the end is.

I am going... Probably to the post office, drug store, and grocery store.

I am reading... Remember those little, daily flip calanders that were so popular in the early 90's???? I was addicted to them and still have about 40 of those things. Since my concentration level seems to only reach the span of about 1 or 2 sentences, I've dug a few of these out and reading them. So many great, encouraging verses, prayers, quotes, etc. I even have one in the bathroom to keep me company there!

I am hoping... The pills the Dr. prescribed will keep the dark days at a minimum this time. That was NOT a happy experience at all! But at least I know what caused it and am prepared this time!

I am hearing... Cardinals, Titmice, and Chickadees chirping at the feeder.

Around the house... Why is it there is ALWAYS laundry to do???? And I'll be cutting away on quilts, etc., so Patsy is well stocked up for sewing and stitching during that week I'm down for the count!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . . Stock up on what I can eat next week, Chemo on Wednesday, change sheets and have a spare set ready for changing after a night of the sweats! Make sure all orders are mailed out.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

This morning, Buster alerted me to the fact that there were sqirrels in the backyard stealing our acorns. It's been so much fun to watch a momma sqirrel build her nest in my birdhouse and see those little heads peeking out now and then! Watching her collect acorns, eating some, burying some, and taking some home has been great. I always rattle the door a little before letting Buster chase her off ---- she knows the sound and heads up the tree with her nut, leaving Buster totally bewildered!!!!

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I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog HERE!

Miracles Never Cease!!!!

Last week, I posted about Buster, my Chocolate Lab! So many of you were so encouraging about him settling down, learning to behave, etc., and I thank you for all those comments.

A few days ago, my sister and brother-in-law decided to do an experiment, mustard up all the nerve they could, and came through the gate into my back yard. We only had to say "NO!" one time, and Buster did NOT jump on them, as excited as he was to have his favorite friends there. We walked up to the porch, sat down, and waited to see what would happen. Believe it or not, he was as good as gold the whole time we were there. To most of you, this would go unnoticed, but to all of us, it was the biggest change we've seen yet in Buster. Usually "Uncle Bob" would go home with scratches, blood dripping down his arm, dirt all over his shirt, etc. I just couldn't believe the change and my hopes were renewed that MAYBE I'll end up with a great dog after all.

I've noticed Buster doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe it's a part of the maturing process, or the fact that a lot of the hyper-ness is going away, but he does seem to be figuring out that some things make me happy, and some thing DON'T!!!!

I went way back in my blog and read some of those first posts about how terrible he was, flunking out of obedience school, and thinking I would have to give him up. It's been a hard year with him, but I'm beginning to think it will all be worth it. When you see continuing progress each and every day, there's a lot more "Good Boy!" being said, than all the other stuff that goes with "Bad Boy!!!!"

If I ever get another dog, and I have a pick of the litter, it will NOT be the one that is happy, up front, jumping on me, loving me, and having a gay old time of it. It will be the poor little sad faced guy, the one who looks like he needs a friend -- NOT the one who thinks the world revolves around him, like Buster did. I'm too old for all these shanannagins!!!!!

So here he is -- sleeping on my feet under my computer. My best friend, all wrapped around my heart now. Who would have thought it would take over a year for him to figure life out and to get ME trained?????

Best Ever Pot Roast!

I'm not a good planner as to what I'm having for dinner the next day, etc. So I'm really bad at getting something out of the freezer and getting it defrosted in time.
The other day, on the spur of the moment, I decided on a nice pot roast. There it was, sitting in my freezer, as hard as a brick. But I thought. . . . . let's experiment here!!!!!

It was a nice chuck roast -- couple of pounds. I unwrapped that baby, made sure all the plastic, etc., was off as it was frozen to the meat!




I got out my big thick, heavy, dutch oven and drizzled some oil in the bottom of the pan and got it heated to a high temperature. Sprinkled salt, pepper, and garlic in the oil and dropped that frozen brick of meat into that pan.




Don't move it around a lot. Just let it sizzle for a few minutes, especially if it's a frozen brick like mine. While you are waiting, salt, pepper, and garlic the side that is up and facing you. Then, take a peak on the sizzling size and see if it is nicely browned. If so, turn it over and brown the other side.



Now you have a choice. Since my crockpot bit the dust, I left mine in this same heavy pot to finish my roast. If you have a crockpot, you can remove the roast from the pan to your crockpot at this point!




Now: 1. Add one LARGE family size can of Cream of Mushroom soup, undiluted.
2. Add one envelope of Beefy onion soup (Liptons - comes two in a box).
3. Add about 1 1/2 cups of water.
4. Cut about 3 large onions in chunks and throw in there.

That's it. Cover that baby and let it cook. I turned mine on a med - low heat for a while, since I knew it was still probably frozen in the center, and I checked on it often to make sure it was still going at a slow boil. In the crockpot, I would set it on high, make sure it comes to a boil, then lower to medium.

I cooked mine for about 4 hours. At about the two hour mark, I added carrots. You can add potatoes, but I had mashed potatoes in mind, so didn't this time.

When your roast is fork tender, falling apart, making you drool, etc., it's done!
Check the thickness of all that artery clogging, delicious gravy. If you want it thicker, take some out into a bowl, whisk in some flour, then pour back into your pan and mix well till thickened.

I guarantee you, this is the all time best pot roast I've ever made. You just can't go wrong!!!!!!

PS: Someone left a comment that she makes this recipe except she cooks it in the oven! I forgot to mention that I have done this receipt in one of those cooking bags with all the same ingredients, tied that bag up, and followed the temp, etc., on the roasting bag directions. Same results!!!! Just delicious!

Update on Buster!

Some of you have followed my blog from the very beginning, and you are probably wondering whatever happened with all the behavorial, emotional, and weird habits that I struggled with him for so, so long. As you recall, there were times I was just ready to give up and get rid of him, as I just couldn't get a handle on all the issues going on at one time.

Yes, we flunked out of "Bad Boy School." That is still to his shame, and he remembers, believe me, when I say those words. But what we did learn there is embedded in his little heart and he does well on his leash with those few commands.

So many people told me that it would take a year to two years for him to "settle down," and I wondered if that day would ever come. My front door has not been open in months and months because he is so strong and pushes right past me out the door. No one can come in unless they are suited up with bubble wrap and protective head gear. And Heaven only knows if he will go through my front window again if a squirrel dares to come too close to the house again!!!!!

I'm not allowed to talk on the phone in the house. I have to sit outside and talk. That seems to be ok with him.

About two months ago, I thought I would just HAVE to get a handle on some of the other issues, like barking in my face, the defiant "NO" that I get when I tell him to not do something, or give a command, etc. I reluctantly bought one of those collars that has the remote that gives the shock when they disobey. But there it sits, still in the box, sitting on the table. I just couldn't do it.

Since the start of the whole cancer journey, though, there seems to have been some changes in Buster, most on the positive side. I don't know if he just knows. . . . or if he is just growing up and settling in. Here in the house, he seems to have grown more quiet, more attuned to my moods and feelings, more "sweet" in his actions towards me, and less of a "pain in the neck!" For the first time, he is actually sitting with me beside my rocker out on the porch. You have to understand, this dog NEVER sits outside. He runs like a maniac at about 100 miles per hour. Hence, no pictures!!!!! To have him sit there with me seems almost like a miracle!

One good thing that happened by chance was the "good boy box." All I have to say is those words to him, and everything changes. He knows where the good boy box is, and when he hears those words, he melts into this loving, sitting, attentive, drooling, "I'll be good forever" dogs with eyes that just melt your heart. You see, in the "Good Boy Box" are PIGS' EARS! His all time favorite treat. You have to understand that these are NOT cheap! So mostly, these are used to get him to go to bed. He seemed to never want to go with me to bed, and I dared not leave him alone in the house, as I would not HAVE a house in the morning! So it costs me a pig's ear to go to bed!!!!!

We have yet to try a guest in the house again. But we are thinking that my sister would make a good guinea pig to see if he can behave like a normal dog. He loves Aunt Juri and Uncle Bob so much that he just barrels them over!!!! He can't hear a command, settle down, sit, come, stay, or anything if they are in the house. So. . . . when my sister feels up to having her hair pulled out, face covered with slobber, etc., we will try again. I'm hoping for some kind of improvement. . . . otherwise, our existance in this house will be a very lonely one, for sure. No one in. . . .no one out!

You can't say I haven't tried!!!!! If I didn't love the overgrown ofe so much, he would have been gone long ago! To see an ounce of improvement is a miracle, so I'm holding out some hope for a good future between us! The fact that BUSTER loves ME has a lot to do with his staying here, too. In fact, there seems to be some kind of anxiety disorder going on there as he is STILL velcroed to my side 24/7. He still will not go out by himself, even though he has a huge fenced in back yard all to himself. I have to go out with him as if he were an 8 week old puppy. The alternative????? He broke down my back door!!!!!

So there we are. Oh, every morning I get my bald head washed with kisses! Now, doesn't that count for something??????

He Is Faithful

Years ago, I remember sitting on a stump on a cold, winter night in a lonely pasture looking up at the gazillion stars. They seemed so bright and clear that night for some reason. I heard some whipporwills answering each other in the woods that lined the pasture clearing, but other than that it was silent. . . except for my heart!

There's something about disappointment, failure, loneliness, the "no way out" feeling, that just boxes you in, even though the expanse of the universe spreads out in front of you like one big open door. At that time, there was just no other way, no other choices. . . And God seemed so silent. . . as silent as the stars I was watching.

Yesterday, that same horrible feeling came over me as I had to face the fact that one more "crutch" I have been leaning on and trusting in to get me through these next few months won't be there at all. I felt that same silent, alone feeling as I did those years ago, sitting in that cow pasture!!!!

But you know, that same night, many years ago, the Lord in all of His infinite love and grace came along side of me on that stump in the pasture in a way I will never, ever forget. In my workshop a short ways away, I had a radio playing on a Christian station, and the song you are listening to now began to play. It was the first time I had heard it and listened as though God had sent a choir of angels to sing just for me! "HE IS FAITHFUL!"

I found my pathways through those times, and through many rough times since, and this song has become MY testimony of Who and What He is to ME! And I know He will be faithful through the next months of my life, too.

If, when I get to Heaven, and the Lord asks ME to sing a solo in my newly given, heavenly voice, something that would express how I felt about my life on earth, this would be the song I would choose. Please listen carefully to the words!

Then. . . .I wonder how many of you would step out of the throngs of Heaven and join in with me. . .. . would YOU?????

Thankful Thursday - September 4, 2008

Iris over at Sting My Heart is hosting a wonderful "Thankful Thursday" and I just couldn't help but join in today with all the other wonderful people who have found so much to be thankful for. She had picked as her theme the following verse, and it just seemed so appropriate to what has been in my heart today, too.

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: … a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted…”
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

I've had so many "times" and "seasons" in my life. Sometimes it's a wonderful thing to reflect back and see the times of planting, the times of plucking, the times of things being born, and yes. . . even the times when loved ones, ideas and plans die. The sum of it all is . . . .ME! Who I am. Who I've become. The road I've traveled. What I've left behind. What I've picked up along the way. Who I've met. Who my friends are. Friends I've lost. What's important. What I've come to realize is not important at all.

Some of those seasons were wonderful --- I call them Springtime. Times when I looked forward to new places, new adventures. Some of those seasons were Summers of hot, toiling work, wondering if it was all worth it. Other seasons were Fall with harvest, colors, the fruit of labors (or realizing that it was all in vain). And then the season of Winter. . . .

I think Winter is where I am now. Cancer has a way of stripping you of all your outward defenses. No more plastic smiles and cheery phrases. No more looking strong and pretty. No more dress up to cover what's eating away at you. It's like the Lord has taken me like a seed and shoved me deep into the earth for the Winter season, and we're waiting to see what comes up in the Spring. No blooms right now. No song. No productive activity. No nest building. Just . . .Winter.

But even in the season of Winter there is hope, isn't there? The sun still shines, even on the darkest of days, and when I have no song, someone else has one to give me.

I wasn't very thankful yesterday. I whined a lot to God, my sister, my roommate and whoever else would listen. Yet, the Lord never said a harsh word to me, never put me down, and gently saw me through the day.

Today? In the midst of my "winter" season, I am so thankful for:

1. A new day to start over with more strength than yesterday.
2. A Dr. visit (that I almost cancelled!) with great news that the tumor has shrunk and the underarm cancer involvement is way down!!!!!
3. I lost 6 more pounds.
4. My sister who never gives up on me.
5. My neighbors who pray constantly for me.
6. My blogging friends who lift me up with encouragement and prayers.
7. And best of all for today. . . .

While walking into the Cancer Center today, my sister and I looked up and saw two eagles circling overhead! My all-time favorite bird, I think. I could not help at that moment but feel that I was rising up on wings of eagles, and that I WOULD walk and not be weary, and that I WOULD run and not faint!



The Lord sends encouragement just at the right time in the right way for each of us, doesn't He? Sometimes it's a phone call, sometimes it's a card, sometimes it's a slobbery, wet Buster kiss . . .and sometimes its a bird with a reminder that His promises are as good as His Word and will stand no matter what. . .even through the Winter seasons of our lives!

Daybook Entry for September 3, 2008

FOR TODAY (September 3, 2008)...

Outside My Window The sun is up, the birds ar at the feeder, and it looks like it will be a beautiful, warm, sunny day. The 8 wasps that had been so faithful to their nest building finally gave up after all their labors were dashed to the ground. . . again! The damp, smooth window pane proved not to be a good foundation after all. With all the rain and wind of the past week, it fell and they have not been back.

I am thinking. . . It's a good thing I did not do this post yesterday. Yesterday had to be the darkest of all days in my life, and the culmination of a week of chemo misery. I was so tired and weak, started the day with a terrible migraine headache, along with a thousand other petty, and what seems now insigificant whinings and complaints. But I felt I was never going back and would just go on to whatever end "nonchemo" would take me to. It was just too much for me. I couldn't stop the tears all day. I was beyond crabby. . .I was defeated.

I am thankful for... Another Day!!!! A good night's sleep. Sherbet. Buster kisses in the morning, forgiving me for yesterday.

From the kitchen... I feel like a bowl of hot cereal with raisins in it. Maybe Wheatena! Haven't had that in years and it sounds good with butter, brown sugar, cinnamon. . . .!.

I am wearing... Not dressed yet. A pink knit, soft nightie!

I am creating... Ideas on how to get through this day, and the rest of my life of chemo treatments! If each one is worse than the next, I'm not sure I can face any more of this. If there is a pill that will just let you sleep for 7 days, I need to find it!!!!

I am going... Nowhere. So far, I've made it to the porch to let Buster out. He sooooo does not understand! He thinks if he brings me all his toys that this will make me feel better. I say he doesn't understand, but there is this cute little wrinkle on his forehead and he sits there with me and lets me pet him -- something new since usually he runs 100 miles an hour and NEVER stops for anyone!

I am reading... Nothing! My eyes won't focus right now.

I am hoping... I can crawl out from under the this dark rock. I'm not the most bubbly, up, outwardly joyful person. Those who know me well would call me quiet, more on the "meloncholic" side of life. I was born that way and it's an even keel for me. So when I have a "dark" day, believe me, it's BLACK! If how I feel right now is any indicator of how the day is going to be, then that prayer is answered because I feel so much better!

I am hearing... Buster snoring under my feet. "Uncle Bob", my BIL, graciously came over last night and ran with Buster until both them caved in. Not sure who flopped first. But I do know Buster had a GOOD night's sleep and seems to want to continue!

Around the house...There is so much to do. But it will all have to wait a few more days. I will do some wash, though.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . . Tomorrow is my "mid Chemo" Dr. appointment at the Cancer Center. I really don't want to go. Don't know what to tell him. I feel that all I do is whine and that the things that totally took me down a few days before sound like pettie, snibbling, whining complaints. But at the time, it's all I could do to find the bed and cover my head with the sheets and blankets and pray for the end of my life!!!!.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Yesterday, while crying in my pillow and wishing I were dead, a little chorus to a hymn we used to sing in church years and years ago came to my mind. It would not leave me, and once again I realized it was not MY battle. It is only through HIS grace that we are victorious. Whatever your battle is today, and no matter how dark your day might be, or how far back in the race you have lapsed, God is with you, the victory is His, and He wraps you in the winner's flag of grace!

Not to the strong is the battle,
Not to the swift is the race,
But to the true and the faithful
Victory is promised through grace!

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I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog HERE!

Help me Pick the best of Three Evils!!!!!

I'm really laying myself out here, but would love to get your opinions!!!!! We did quite a bit of laughing over this, and believe me, Buster thinks all three are just terrible! He doesn't understand the bald head, and thinks the wigs are something to tear apart!

But here I am, in all my glory. I can't believe how "old" I'm looking in these pictures! I've aged ten years in the past months!!!! Maybe a LOT of makeup would have helped some!!!! But you get the point!

Now. . . tell me which you like better. . . The perfect blond, the streaked look who needs a touch up, or just bare bottomed, smoothie, all natural bald? Trying to figure out which of the men in my family I look most like here. Personally, I think I look like an escaped convict. Add a couple of tatoos and I could pull off a bank robbery, don't you think????

OK: Here goes the pictures:

Chemo Treatment #2 is OVER!

I'm so glad this day is over. At least I went!!!! And I'm glad I did. Didn't gain or lose any weight. Thought for sure I would have gained as I ate a lot and drank a gallon of water before I left. Blood pressure was pretty good, too.

Saw the Doctor and he said there is just nothing they can do about the tumor site with the big hole. Just have to deal with it, keep it clean and bandaged until it's time to take it off. I understood his reasonings, but it is just such a hassle and it hurts most of the time. Not extreme pain -- but enough that I know it's there. He did write a prescription for the saline solution so I don't have to buy those little squirt cans that cost a fortune and only last 4 days.

Sis came with me again, bringing her knitting and sewing, but wasn't into it. So we just talked. I drank 3 bottles of water during the process. The needle punch into the port didn't hurt at all and I took it like a trooper!!!! It took over 3 hours to pump it all into me.

I felt so sorry for the little lady next to me. She seemed so young. I struck up a conversation and found out that she had pneumonia, and from that discovered she had lung cancer, stage 4, that had already spread to her brain. She said it is terminal, just doing the chemo to buy some time with maybe a remission or something. What do you say to that???? There is such an unwritten law in that room of recliners full of patients. Seems that very few want to talk about themselves and their problems, and they definitely close up before you can offer comfort, advice, a prayer, etc. They all seem to want to be alone in their world of cancer treatments.

I feel ok so far today. Tomorrow I get that shot of Neulasta to help the blood count stay where it should be. I expect by Friday night or Saturday that it will be downhill. I asked the Dr. if it will be worse, better, same or what. As usual, he did a big shrug of the shoulders and said, "Could be any of those or totally different symptoms. Everyone is different." So another vague answer. Guess I'll find out on my own, won't I?

I have to say, the group of nurses that they have here and all the staff are more than nice, attentive, alert, and caring. It all went smoothly and I felt "safe."

Next time, I'm bringing my lunch. I was starving. So many of the others had brought little coolers with fruit, sandwiches, brownies, and whatever else. Never thought of that! So afterwards, we went out for lunch, as I knew it would be at least 10 days before I felt like going out again to do anything! It was really nice!

AND. . . . they gave me two wigs to wear. They have a box there where people have donated wigs after they are done. Two fit me to a tee and I love them. So that will be fun to play with! Now that my head is completely bald (I shaved the straggles off) I need something!!!!!!

Thanks again for all your prayers today! I just knew my "network" was there for me all day long! I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you!!!!

Daybook Entry for August 25, 2008

FOR TODAY (August 25, 2008)...

Outside My Window Everything looks so green from all the rain we have had in the past week or so. And I am still enthralled with the 8 wasps that are still VERY busy building this nest on my window I just don't have the heart to knock it down yet. Through all the winds and rain, that little nest held strong there as those 8 wasps just clung to it, keeping it covered, etc. !

I am thinking. . . So many thoughts. Worried how the chemo treatment Wednesday will affect me. So much to do before then to get ready for it. And I never saw myself so ugly before. Most of my hair is gone now, leaving just a thin layer of straggly strands all over. If anyone looked like a witch, it's ME! And looking out my window, I see I need a new bird feeder. This one is falling apart. Funny though, the birds don't mind at all. They are NOT fussy as to what their dinner comes in!

I am thankful for... Sunshine. Enough daily strength to get through. A great dinner last night. Friends. Prayer. My sister who puts up with my daily whining.

From the kitchen... LOTS of spagetti sauce, Italian sausage, etc., for next week when I won't feel like cooking!.

I am wearing... Tee shirt, undershirt, black slacks --- AND A HAT!

I am creating... Nothing yet, but still have ideas!

I am going... Nowhere today, but tomorrow will be a big run to the grocery store. I'm stocking up on everything from soup to pudding, bread, juice, etc!
I remember what I couldn't eat, what tasted terrible, and what tasted good last time and want to be well stocked up.

I am reading... Nothing! If blogs count, then that's what I've been reading. I have found some of the most wonderful, encouraging, God-centered blogs that have just lifted me up and I can't begin to thank all of you who share your hearts like this. I would have never believed that blogs could be used of God the way they are.

I am hoping... I don't give up on all this. There are times I wonder if I'm cut out for a long, stretched out treatment plan like this! There have been a few times this week when I felt it definitely was NOT worth it. Other times, I realize I really have no other option. Here I am just at the beginning, and I'm already feeling like quitting????? Just can't be!!!

I am hearing... A pair of chickadees arguing with each other as to whether my bird house is the right one to rent! They've been in and out a million times and having the same conversation over and over! Can't lower the rent, so they will have to take it or leave it!

Around the house...There is so much to do. I did get vacuuming done. Got the wash done. Garbage is out. Dishes are done.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . . Get myself ready in advance for Wednesday's chemo treatment. Been taking vitamin, etc., to help some. I'll do everything I can in advance so I don't feel guilty or upset when I'm under that 18 wheeler again.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

All my problems, challenges and choices,
Now surrendered, Lord, I need Thee near.
For Thy guidance, this is all I'm asking,
Free me from my worry and my fear.
Thank you for this peace beyond expression,
Bought for me that day at Calvary,
Undeserved, unearned, yet freely given,
Mine just to accept through faith in Thee.
Rejoicing in Thy guidance and Thy power,
Never fearing unknown paths ahead,
Thanking Thee, though pain replaces pleasure,
Peaceful, still believing You have led.
--Cora Eelman


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I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog HERE!

Time Just Flies!!!! And so Does Hair!!!!

In some ways, it's been such a long week. It seems like ages since I posted last. Yet, here it is Saturday, and this storm is still hanging over our heads -- literally!
It's been cloudy and windy all week, but right here where we are, we've have not gotten the massive amounts of rain that others have gotten. Last night we got a good shower again, enough to make the grass grow another foot high. Will it ever dry out enough to mow????? Hay balers look like an option again! Or maybe my sister's goats could take care of it!

It's been a roller coaster week. Lots of ups and downs with how I feel -- some days just great and getting things done, and other days feeling like I'm 80 years old, needing lots of TLC and rest. I can't believe I have to go back this coming Wednesday for another chemo treatment on top of how I feel now. After a few of these treatments, I can't imagine scraping myself up off the floor to go back again. At least this time I'll know what to expect and prepare for those 18 wheelers that slammed into me this first time.

My hair is falling out by the handfuls. But you'd hardly know it because I had the thickest, fullest head of hair anyways. My sister hates the fact that I have to lose my hair. She said it's just the added "insult upon injury" to have to have cancer, go through all this horrible treatment, and then have to display to all the world a bald head, announcing in the ugliest way that you have cancer. I am prepared with my hats, though, and think they look pretty neat, even if I have to say so myself. The "nice" effect of the chemo (if there can be such a thing!)? No more facial hair, and some little "wart" looking things fell off my forehead! My face feels like baby skin, all nice and smooth! Not sure if I'll lose my eyebrows. I've never been good at drawing those on. One always looks different from the other. I may have to hire help with that one!

I have had a few deep, sobering thoughts lately. I guess I should stay off some of the breast cancer websites -- especially the ones that give the prognosis of the different stages of cancer. When I looked up mine, it said, "54% five year survival rate." Kind of sounds like, "you might make it or you might not!" Seems like a whole lot of misery to go through for that, but what are the options???? And of course, I hear from all these wonderful, well-meaning people who HAVE made it and beat this thing, and it is encouraging. But. . . . the other 46% are NOT here to tell me they didn't make it, right?????

I know you will tell me NOT to go there with my thoughts, to keep my hopes and my spirits high, to have faith, to pray, and to have a positive attitude about beating this thing. I guess I'm a realist and like to know what I'm up against here. I'm not discouraged. . . . yet! In fact, It does seem that there is some shrinkage in the size of the tumor already. At least on my own exam I can feel that. But since the infamous "hole" that has formed at the tumor site keeps getting larger and larger, and deeper and deeper, it's a little hard to tell. We'll see after this next treatment.

I'll just be so happy to get that mastectomy and get rid of this thing. I was disappointed that this was not done first, but I understand why they did not do it. I just hate dealing with it day after day like this. It seems like it will be forever into the future before that is done.

And I said at the beginning, "Time flies" ?????? Maybe it will.

I hope we see some sun today. Never thought I would say that in the middle of a HOT Florida August summer. But I'm suffering from "sun deficit!"

Remember that old 50's song, "Open up your heart and let the sunshine in!"