Saturday, June 27, 2009

Just to Let you Know!

So many of you have been asking me how I'm doing, and I so much appreciate all your concern and prayers. One of the greatest benefits about blogging that I never knew was there before is how many great friends I've made and how many have committed themselves to praying for me. I can't begin to tell you all how thankful I am for that and how encouraging it is to get your notes, etc. THANK YOU and big hugs to all of you!!!!!

I have been feeling really good the past few weeks. It is a strange thing -- after going through chemo, then surgery, then radiation, you forget what "good" really is. I thought I was feeling "good" after I got through chemo and that was done. Little did I know that "good" could be so much better!!!!

I just wish my hair would grow faster. I still look like a marine! And I'm so disappointed that it did not come back in curly. It is sooooooo straight. Poker straight!!!! My sister asked me what color it is. I was hoping for blond like I was when I was a kid, or at least a nice "old lady white" or all gray. Instead, I look like a squirrel. You know, that grayish, whitish, brownish thing with a few black hairs here and there, etc. It will need a lot of work, believe me, when it's long enough.

My only problem right now is a lump I found at the mastectomy site, just a little above the stitch line. It's about the size of a cherry. At first, I wondered if it was a rib, since it has only been recently that I could actually feel anything there. Before this, it was either swollen from the surgery, or so burned that I couldn't touch it. It's taken a while for all the swelling to go down, and now that it has, I found this crazy little cherry sized lump. I asked my Primary care Dr. about it, and she sent me for a chest x-ray. That report went to my oncologist, and I went in to see him yesterday. He's also puzzled by it and doesn't know what it is. So I'm lined up for a PET scan on July 2nd.

So once again, all those thoughts flood through my mind. All the "what if"s", the "I can't go through this again," the "what if it has spread," and all the rest just keep sneaking into my thoughts. I know you will all tell me not to think about it, but . . . . . you just can't help it. I've come to call cancer the "What If Disease." It seems to be the major thought process of anyone I know who has gone or is going through this. The trouble is, there is no answer to all those "what if's". I'm the first to tell other people not to worry, that most of it all doesn't happen anyways, etc., etc. But when it's ME, then it's a different story. I seem to allow myself all the "what if's!"

Today, the area is a little sore. That oncologist of mine is not a gentle soul! He goes at you like you are a two pound ball of bread dough and starts kneading, pushing, prodding, poking, squishing, squeezing, etc., until you feel your ribs are going to break. And when he starts under your armpits, or does a breast exam, you wonder if you will even have a breast left when he is through. Believe me, if that's how we are supposed to do a self-breast exam, NONE of us do it right! I'm sure that's why it's sore today. Every time he does this, I lay there on that exam table with my fist clenched, ready to sock him one. I haven't yet, but there may come a day when you will hear on the news about the first case in Florida where a doctor sues a patient for socking him in the face!!!!!

So. . . .don't know when the report will be back from the Pet scan. Usually it takes a few days. And since they don't call you if the scan is clear, you just wait and worry an appropriate amount of time and then figure everything is OK! I'll give it until the 9th of July, and then let my breath out!


Anonymous said...

Hi Cora, I know you can't help but be concerned. You remain in my prayers.

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Sis,
Thank for the update, As I pray for you, I also ask the Lord to give you peace of mind. I know what you mean at times it is easier said than done when it comes to doing it ourselves. That is why we need to do it with the strength of the Lord. Continued prayers my sistah, and you are so right when you say that you have many prayer warriors interceding for you each day.

Luv Ya Lorie

Claudia said...

Is it possible that it's a hematoma? After my surgery and through my radiation, a lump appeared at my incision site. I've already had 2 ultrasounds on it and they've determined that at the time of surgery, a lot of blood collected in there and now it's just going to take a LOT of time for it to dissolve back into my system and for the lump to go away. My surgeon has checked it and my oncologist has checked it and everyone says the same thing. Otherwise I'd be a basket case.

So you know I'm praying hard for you to have a good outcome, too. Our minds always go back to what we've been through because that's become part of our reality now.

Hope. Hope. Hope. It's our word. It gets me through dark days and it will get you through, too.

*hugs* and love

papel1 said...

I too hope for a good outcome for your test. I think of you often.

Julie said...

Hi Cora--thank you so much for the information you sent to me for my friend. She has been really sick---I gave her some of your pointers--I hope they are helping her.

I hope that everything checks out fine for you. You deserve the best. Have a nice weekend. Julie

Lea said...

Yikes that doc sounds ROUGH! I don't even knead my bread thattaway!
I understand your concern,... we'll just keep praying it's nothing to worry about.
Have a great sabbath tomorrow Cora!
My love to Buster

Kay @ The Rustic Cottage said...

I'm so glad to hear that you're feeling so good! You do not look like a squirrel!! Get some hair dye and make yourself blonde if that's what you want to be. Go for it - you deserve it.

I will continue praying for you, dear friend.


ByLightOfMoon said...

Thanks for the update Cora! I do miss your posting as often as you used too, But I understand. I hate to hear another lump to be concerned about but, I will be praying for you that maybe a scar mass or something not to worry about!

But, Please know, the many friends you have made cherish you and love you. You have a spirit! Just let that Dr know how he is hurting you and tell him you are holding your arm down to sock him one. He will understand.

You will definitely be one my mind Tuesday and be praying for good news! Smiles, Cyndi

Grammy Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

I am so glad you are feeling better but so sorry there is an area that concerns you. Ihope it turns into nothing! You are always in my prayers Cora!

hugs, Linda

Claudia said...

I forgot to comment on one other thing. YOu mentioned your oncologist not being gentle. My surgeon is female and she's the one who goes digging with me. And yes, it hurts a LOT. But you know what? I lay there, close my eyes, pray and remember that if she finds nothing, that means I'm okay. These doctors know their stuff and sometimes it has to hurt for them to really know that we have nothing else growing.


Denise said...

So good to see you...... I have been so absent the past few weeks and I wondered how you were.......... Praying for you Cora....Praying.....

Debra said...

Hello dear Cora,
Ohhhh sweetie-why do these things happen? I hate it that you are worried. I pray this is nothing, and that it will just go away.
I treasure you.
Prayers going up.
Love, Debra

Penny @ Miss Pootsie's Primitives said...

Ok Cora... praying full time again!

I had a lump come up right below my incision site about 5 months or so after the mastectomy.

Turned out to be an internal suture that never dissolved!!! Yaaay!!!!

I pray that your's is something simple and benign.

As far as that bully doctor.. hmmm... just haul off and (gently) kick him where God gave him something different than us women, then tell him, "Ooops... sorry. You must have hit a nerve or something and caused my reflexes to kick in!" LOL

Love you dear,

Kath said...

I am so happy your are feeling better :)
You are still in my prayers, Cora!
I pray this test turns out to be nothin' to worry about.

Hugs & Prayers,

Tom and Cindy said...

I personally do not know how you are feeling. I know what it is like from the other side. My Dad was recently told he has lung cancer. We start radiation Monday. I certainly wish you well in your recovery. We will be praying for you. I have missed reading your blog. Been busy with Dad.
Thanks for sharing.

Toni said...

Praying that God will give you peace in the midsts of this time of uncertainty.
Take care.Love,Toni