Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Catching Up!

I didn't know that it would be so hard to just be honest and say things just as they are. I guess I was brought up with the "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all!" --- And I really haven't had much that's NICE to say during the past weeks. And THAT is to my shame, isn't it?

Here, I've had good health, beautiful weather, all my needs supplied, a dog who worships the ground I walk on, a God who loves me, and air conditioning. What more could I ask for?????

But when you have finally admitted to yourself that you are a food addict and have a major problem with denying yourself ANYTHING that is edible, then there is a LOT you could ask for. In fact, it seems that as the weeks go by, the more foods you find that are low enough in calories to fit into the diet, the more it tastes like fodder. At first, I talked myself into liking cabbage, bean sprouts, alfalfa sprounts, and all the other sprouts. I told myself I liked the 0 calorie miracle noodles. And yes, there ARE 1001 ways to cook boneless, skinless, tasteless chicken breasts. I'm just so glad I have a sister who is honest like me. Most of our conversations lately have centered around the horrible plight of our diets, the fact that the scale is NOT rewarding our starvation efforts, and making daily lists of all the stuff we miss. Too bad we didn't have a tape recorder going. It would make a Number One Best Seller for anyone playing with the thought of going on a diet!

I did have my 3 month appointment with the oncologist who dared to bring up the subject of dieting. That was Friday, the 9th ---- 77 days after starting the diet. I did feel like a winner, having lost 31 pounds on my own WITHOUT the surgery he suggested. He did make a big deal about it, was very happy, encouraged me on, blah, blah blah. . . . . but I did tell him that he had slipped to the very bottom of my list of people I liked!!!!! He didn't seem to care at all.

31 pounds. . . . NOT ONCE during those 77 days did I cheat. NOT A MORSEL! I really had expected to lose more than that, but I'm resigned now into believing that thing that "the older you get, the harder it is to lose." But I want you to know that when I left that doctor's office, I headed straight to the meat market and picked out the best looking rib eye steaks and had a feast that night. Baked potato, asparagus, cauliflour and steak! My reward for myself.

So now comes the next goal. I have to have another 3 month goal. I'm thinking that the next 30 pounds will be harder, holidays in the middle of it all, etc. But I'm still going to aim for 30.

As much as I have complained, kicked, and bucked the whole diet system, I must say, this has been very good for me. It has taken my mind off of the cancer, the thoughts of death and dying, how I might die, what if it comes back, and all that goes with the breast cancer thing. It was one thing to be "done" with treatments on April 15th.
And people do treat you like it's all "done." But I found the same thing happening to ME as with so many others. It's NEVER "done." It's always there. Everytime I look in the mirror, I see the disfigured, burn scarred, stitched scarred one-breasted chest. When I take a shower, I feel that numb, boney rib where a breast once was. When I try to shave under my arm, I can't feel anything as the nerves are all numb.
My hair is not the same, my face fell, my teeth rotted, my eyes got worse, etc., ---- all reminding me daily of the price of breast cancer. To say nothing of the pill. Every single day for the rest of my life I take the pill that causes the sweats. And these are the MEGA sized sweats!!!!!!! So no, it's never "all done."

But I say all that to say this, dieting has given me something else to think about besides cancer. Not sure that the exchange is the best, but at least it is a step up from death and dying of cancer!!!!!! Meal planning, calorie counting, counting my steps as I walk, walking through the grocery store like a hungry cougar telling myself I deserve ANYTHING, no matter what the price, if it fits into this diet plan. It's gotten to be like treasure hunt, believe me.

I keep visualizing the 31 pounds I've lost. That's 124 sticks of butter!!!!!! Yes, I still drool at the thought of a big, greasy, pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, but I've stopped roaring! Buster and I look forward to a few honey nut cheerios at night now . . . . . a looooooong way from the bowls of ice cream we used to have together . . . . . . .!!!!!!!!!


Dani said...

I think 31 lbs. is wonderful! watta go, Cora! as we get older..our bodies show the change but inside we are the same people...I am not happy how my legs look...they used to be so, yuck..not much I can do about it dear mother would look at her old wrinkled hands and say "my hands look funny. Why?" inside she was 16, outside 82....I look forward to the time when the Lord gives us new youthful healthy bodies, I know you do we just have to deal with what we have and enjoy each day...
Maranatha, dear Cora...maranatha!

Juri said...

Cor, the one thing you have learned through all this is that you cannot complain after surviving cannot complain about anything at all. Rotten teeth? Well, at least you lived!!! Your face fell and now you look 94 years old? Well, at least you are alive!!! High blood pressure? Well, goodness, small price to pay for surviving cancer! Renal problems? Oh come are alive! Chronic diarrhea? Small price to pay for your life! Diet? Oh, come now...that should be simple from such a brave woman like you and me....after all we went through, starvation should be a breeze!!! I feel like my goats, or the bull, Floyd.....grazing on pathetic pieces of grass. By the way, I hate your doctor, too....oh wait, he is my doctor, too!!! Well, anyway, making you go on this diet prompted our other dear sister to diet...which, of course, meant I couldn't be the only fat I had to go on the, yes, I hate him too!!!!! And, if our other dear sister is reading this....don't call me if you already lost 50 pounds!!!!

Nancy M. said...

You are doing so awesome! I am glad that this has helped take your mind off other things. You are an inspiration!

ByLightOfMoon said...

COra and Juri,
You are both sensational ladies. ANd ladies age, gain weight, have flabby areas, we just have to let it go! We all have it! Remember the book, and When I get Old, I shall wear purple! Well, don;t care what others think? I learned that when using my cane and being in chronic pain. If I have to wear baggy clothes to not be tight then I do. I cannnot even wear jeans anymore. Mostly long skirts and sandles because of my feet also.
We all have trade-offs as Medical things happens to us. Yes, Thank God you are still here and I than Gog my husband is still here. I also lost him to septic shock this month and he really did not feel that sick although never good day since his second surgery.

I had no idea how sick he was, so be grateful to Gog he has left us here to do something more. I don't think God wanted you to stop your writing. I hope you have been keeping a journal. THat always let me release my pain and I hope this helps you. We love hearing how you are doing,, GOod and Bad.

I am just so thanksful to hear form you as I have been wondering and shame on me for not picking up the telephone.
You have made wonderful progress on your diet , I hate to call it that, how about food changes?

Love ya, Smiles, Cyndi

ByLightOfMoon said...

SO sorry, I did not preview and catch my typos, I also ALMOST lost my husband and Gog is GOD for sure. Shame on me!


Daria said...

31 pounds is amazing ... I wish you nothing but the best with your next goal.

KathyB. said...

Yes, 31 pounds is amazing, and I think you CAN lose another 30 pounds in 3 months. That is being realistic (I know it seems you should have lost at least a hundred pounds when you're starving). I am thankful for your honest writing, and I also enjoy the written exchange between you and your sister!

Toni said...

Woo hoo!!way to go Cora!!I think your doing great!!
I`m so sorry your feeling so dscouraged about your health.Always remember that our bodies are just a shell and Jesus is the All Mighty healer!! He is the lover of our souls and He loves and cares for you so much Cora!! Look at all He`s braught you through!!! One day we`ll be in heaven and see Him face to face and He will wipe every tear from our eyes.He will give us new bodies that don`t get old or sick!
Love ya!

PianoPlayer said...

I'm proud of you, Miss Thirty-one Pounds, and love you.

SweetAnnee said...

Cora dearest..let it be all done..the scars, the numbness. it's all battle wounds..
I was so glad to put IT aside while on Holiday, hoping IT could be done 4ever

I am thankful for the break..then BOOM,
back to reality with more brain tumors..
I'm kicking some ass now..I've had enough
of no eyebrows..
so keep fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay-The Rustic Cottage said...

Cora - I am so proud of you for losing 31 lbs. That is a big accomplishment!! Here's to the next 30!!


Lea said...

Thirty one pounds is amazing Cora!
I love what your sissy wrote!!!

I'm thankful for your life Cora!
SO THANKFUL. I love ya thick or thin. Sorry; that statement probly made you think of pizza again.. thick crust, or thin? It's all good right? heehee ANYHOW... I love ya!
Holykisses to buster too!

Denise said...

Hello girl.. I have been gone too long and as I sit and read you post my heart breaks.. bless your heart and good for you on the 31 lbs.. That is a great accomplishment! I wish that I had it in me to loose 31lbs... I will try again... I will pray for you and ask God to give you GREAT PEACE of mind... You are a sweetheart and I have missed talking to you...

Ruthie said...

Hang in there.
Pray that you will learn to LOVE the good diet foods...

Marie said...

Congratulations! That is wonderful. I wish you the best as you continue.

papel1 said...

Hi Cora,
Thought I had better check your blog which I had not done in awhile. Aging is hard but we have no choice. I am suppose to lower my bad cholesteral and seem to eat too much fat. It is hard to diet. I don't envy you. Hi to Buster.

Dr. Swill said...

Hello Cora!

I wanted to let you know about an interesting cancer blog a group of cancer patients have been working on.

A fellow tongue cancer patient was sent home to die. There was nothing more that can be done. Cancer survivors ask him life altering questions.

Please read:

Peace B

Beemoosie said...

Cora, you are amazing!!! 31 lbs is an incredible accomplishment!!! Way to go!! You are a beautiful woman of God, never forget that!

Donetta said...

I have a little gift for you over at a Life Restored Blog.

Denise said...

Hey girl........ Thinking about you this morning.. Wondering how you are.. Let us know you are well and still full of FAITH........

Lea of Farmhouse Blessings said...

I'm so proud of your accomplishments, Cora ~ I wish I could help remove some of your insecurities and hurt. You are an amazing woman and all the side effects of your treatments doesn't change that!

Wishing you joy and peace

Kath ~★The Olde Weeping Cedar ★~ said...

Hi Cora,
I hope this finds you well...just wanted to pop in and wish you a happy and very blessed Thanksgiving.
Hope you have a beautiful day.

Brenda Kay Ledford said...

I think you're doing great losing 31 pounds. I think you are a brave lady and an inspiration to all of us. Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Debra said...

I still say you are amazing-and that's A LOT of weight to lose in that amount of time! I am encouraged by you!!!!I mean it!!I wanted to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving, dear friend. I love you! Debra

Debra said...

Hey-I wanted to visit Juri's blog-but it isn't there!!Please tell her to start blogging again! And wish her a Happy Thanksgiving for me!!

Being Me said...

Wow, way to go that's a lot of pounds to loose .. Digestive enzymes have a role to play, and they decline as we get older. So in order to help our metabolism, we need to correct that and then only diesting will really be effective. This is what I have been told. Slow and steady seems to be the only way for us ladies to loose weight....

Nishant said... we just have to deal with what we have and enjoy each day...

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