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Monday, July 25, 2011

Beginning Again -- for the 756th time!


It’s been just about two years since my oncologist gingerly approached the subject saying, “Have you ever thought about a diet?” You just don’t know, Dr. Happy, that diet has been the number one, central thought of my life since high school!!!! And now, since that awkward day two years ago, he has made my life just plain old miserable. There hasn’t been a single moment of my life where I am not bargaining, “I’ll start again tomorrow,” giving up, starting again, crabby at the grocery store, crabby at what I cook --- crabby if it’s diet because I don’t like it, crabby if it’s NOT diet because I’m off the diet. There’s no happy here. Two years of no happy, no progress, no nothing.

I have lost some, don’t get me wrong. When I began my cancer journey, I was sooooooo heavy, and I managed to lose about 40 pounds during that time. And in the past two years, I’ve lost about another 50. Not too bad sounding when you look at it like that. But I need to lose about another 100!!!!! And the past 6 months have been a total standstill, in fact, I’ve gained a few and it’s got me scared.

So here I am, beginning again. For the 756th time of my life. My doctor highly recommended the Weight Watcher’s plan. Since I am such a hermit, I did join the online program just to check out the plan, get an idea of what the point system was, etc. I’m a little leery about the “all you can eat veggies and fruit” thing, but the rest seems doable for me. I’ve been sticking to this now since Tuesday, and so far, 3 pounds have come off. It’s something!



Why does this have to be such a hassle for me? Food addictions are so hard, because we just have to eat, don’t we? And it’s sooooooo “acceptable” in society. No one hauls you off to rehab because you overate and went off your diet. The police don’t bust you for filling your grocery cart with all the wrong stuff. And people would NEVER think of agreeing with you if you complained about being fat and needing to lose weight. Yet, I think I struggle as much as any addict does with alcohol or drugs. I have all my bargaining chips, excuses, hiding places, etc.

And so. . . . I fell. . . But I get up again . . . And again. . . And again!!!!! And I put one foot in front of the other and look at the top of my mountain and plug on forward.

My house of overflowing with all the right foods and Buster is sooooooo worried. I’m licking my own plate clean and growling back when he asks for a bite. He knows. . . . . . He just knows there will be NO PIZZA BONES (the crusts) in his futue for a long while!!!!

558. A great selection of diet foods in the grocery store.

559. Lots of fresh veggies.

560. Ideas on how to cook this stuff.

561. Friends who don’t judge -- just encourage!

562. A group who listened to me and admitted that they did not understand that a food addiction could be so hard.

563. A God who always picks me up, sets my feet on a rock, and establishes my goings ---- AGAIN!

564. A Pastor who gives his all. . . And more. . . In spite of failing health.

565. Buster --- I just love this guy!!!! I realized how much yesterday when he started sneezing --- sooooo hard. Violent sneezes that wouldn’t stop for hours and hours, until he was sneezing blood. I was so worried and just held him and loved on him. He’s ok today.

566. Finding a check in the mail. Almost threw it out as I thought it was junk mail. I was reimbursed for that bra and boob!!! Thank you, Lord, for making something right that was just not right!

Joining with so many others in finding thanks and gratitude in the moments of living:

11 comments:

Kristin Bridgman said...

Oh Cora, you made me laugh again when you talked about licking the plate and growling at Buster! :)

I will pray for you about the diet.

I'm going to ask God one day why he didn't make you and me neighbors, I would so love that! But so thankful we are cyberspace neighbors :)

Many more blessings to you!!!

Wandering On Purpose said...

561 - that is one of the greatest gifts there is.

Debra said...

#563. God WILL help too. I used WW for a while-it's fantastic. Because of your own starting on it, I may go back to it. Being accountable-even to a notebook-was good for me. Plus, WW is a very healthy diet. I used to have 1/4 of a cup of M&M's--I think that was 5 whole points-a lot when you don't have unlimited eating for the day. But I think now I could get by with chocolate twice a week instead of a little very day. Make sure you treat yourself once in a while....
Thank you so much for the encouragement!
I love you.
Debra

Maryann said...

I am a big fan of WW, we (husband and I) did it together, actually helped us change our eating habits. Always love your thankful lists. Pulling for you Cora and will keep you in prayer.

Tammy@Simple Southern Happiness said...

I hope you accomplish your goals and look forward to rooting you along!!! YOU GO GIRL!

Christina said...

Pizza bones are the best--maybe Buster will have to get his fix from someone else:) God is so good, He will walk through this with you. And vegetables can taste good...:)

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

Bless you my friend...I'm right there with you about the diet thing!! And hate it!! Don't want to give up all my goodies....yet knowing that if I continue on the way I've begun to eat again, I would have gained ALL my weight that I had so diligently worked at losing later last year!!

~Beth

Vicky said...

Getting back up is all we can do when we get knocked down, and so glad you are doing just that! I've really been looking at food as medicine and asking myself if it will help heal me when I put it in my mouth- it prevents me from straying too far from eating healthy. And surprisingly my palate has changed and I can't stomach anything too unhealthy anymore- it simply tastes bad!

Nacole said...

Cora, I laughed out loud at you licking the plate clean and growling at Buster! and then again when Buster KNOWS there isn't going to be any pizza bones in his future for a long time! haha! loved looking around at your blog. You were one of the very first visitors on my blog when I first began this journey! Thanks for coming on there and encouraging me. I have also found a sort of friend in Craig--and I see you on his blog all the time. I love your comments, because you are so real and transparent. I think Craig's writing about the voice horses is going to be especially helpful for me--I'm just now getting started. i loved your list--so unique and clever. thanks for the smiling laughter today! Blessings, sister!

jack said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Winnie said...

This is my 1st time reading your lovely blog...keep up the good job! WW points plus is really easy to follow and u will see results quickly! Thanks for writing your blog...I will continue to follow u. I'm going to begin again, at home, the points plus plan. I find WW online site a little difficult to navigate, but maybe that is just me! Praying for both of us to lose needed weight!