Friday, July 24, 2009

Seems Like Forever!!!!

I have been so frustrated with Blogger the past few weeks. Am I the only one with problems???? I keep getting error messages with a diagnostic thingy to go through. Then, when I do that, it repeats again. Then, finally, I might see my own blog. Worse yet, when I go to all of YOUR blogs, I can't seem to see the posts most of the time. I get the title bar with your blog header, I get your "down the side" stuff with the links and pictures, but NO POSTS. Just blank pages. Then, miracles of miracles, one time out of a million, I get to read a blog, try to comment, and poof ---- it's gone!

Believe me, I have not been ignoring anyone. Just can't get to you! Have patience, as I'm working on it. Anyone else out there with this going on????? Seems to have started when Internet Explorer downloaded an update or something. Everything went haywire on my computer!

Since my last post, I've been doing fine here. HOT, but fine! Had a birthday last week, celebrated with a big, juicy steak, but decided to leave off the cake. I wanted to buy myself one of those sheet cakes and have them cover it completely with those icing roses. No writing, no blank spots ---- just LOTS of roses!!!! But when I came back to reality, I decided it wouldn't be worth the months it would take to get those roses off my hips again. And believe me, those hips don't need reenforcements at this time!

Now that I've brought up that subjebt of HIPS. . . .!!!!! I went to my oncologist this past Monday and it was NOT a happy visit! He was super nice ---- nicer than he usually is with his blunt, to the point, comments. This time, he was smiley, complimented me on how great I looked, etc. You have to know that up until this point, he has never mentioned my weight or chided me to lose, etc. But today, he leaned back in his chair, and asked THE question. . . . . "Have you ever considered surgery and the lap band procedure to help you lose the weight? I've heard great things and fantastic reports are coming in about the results with this!" I felt the big "L" being branded on my forehead (L stands for LOSER, if you didn't know!)

I didn't say much, but he then went on to tell me all the stuff I already knew . . . would help with the blood pressure, I'd feel so much better, I wouldn't have all the aches and pains in the joints, etc., etc. I've been down this road. Lost it all years ago. After gaining it all back, I just haven't had the energy, the will power, or that "I can do it" victorious feeling it takes to even start!!!!!

So. . . . he gets off that terrible subject, gets me on the exam table and starts poking and squishing. Then. . . . I made the mistake of asking the wrong question. I asked if I could get the port out any time soon. You know, that horrible thing they use to pump the chemo into you. I have to have it "flushed out" every 6 weeks so that blood clots don't form in it. That means a huge needle getting whacked into my chest, heperin pumped in there, then flushed out, etc., etc., every six weeks. I thought it was a legitimate question being that I'm done with chemo, wouldn't you think?

He sighs a big sigh, rubs his bald head, and says, "LOOK!!!" (I know that's trouble!)
"Let's face reality here. Given the severity and spread of your cancer, the long wait before you got treatment, we have to face the fact that it IS going to come back. Not IF, mind you! I don't know when, but it will come back. So you will need that port in there!"

What a reality check that was. All this time, I go to sleep with all the "what if's" going through my head. Now, it's no long what if, but rather WHEN!!!!! Doesn't help with the "Getting on with your life" idea that I'm supposed to be doing.

And it certainly doesn't help with the idea of a diet. Mind you, I'm the type of person that, if you say I can't do something, I'll die in the process of trying to prove you wrong! So. . . . now that this dr. thinks I can't do it on my own, I seem to have this "do or die" thing going on. It took a few days for me to work it up, but I'm now really into it. I went out and bought my trusty heads of cabbage for my No Fail cabbage diet soup and will eat that for three months, even if it kills me! It will be three months before I see this dr. again, and so help me. . . . .!!!!!!

So . . . . no cake, no steak, no homemade bread, no butter, no nothing!!!!!!


You have to understand that Buster has ALWAYS sat at the table like this, ever since I got him at 7 weeks old! He doesn't drool, doesn't beg, doesn't whine. . . . doesn't even MOVE!!! But always waits patiently to see if there is ANYTHING left for him. No beef tonight, buddy! Cabbage soup did NOT interest him at all!


Claudia said...

I really am trying to get angry with your doctor for saying all that, because it brought tears to my eyes. But I know that's how oncologists are. My primary talked with me about the lap band, too, but I'm terrified. I'm praying for you all the time. Know that.


Denise said...

I am sooooooooooo sorry for that and I tell you girl..........GOD is bigger than that Dr.. God is bigger than those extra pounds.......I say in the name of JESUS that your cancer will not come back and I curse it at the root....... Just as Jesus did that fig tree..... He cursed it and told it to NEVER bear fruit again........ You speak death to the root of that cancer and nanana poopoo to that Dr.! AND just think about adding some juicing to your diet........ I know you need to be careful with your body so nothing extreme for you BUT I am on a juice and raw veggie fast and am loosing a pound ever two days..... Research it...... Juice fasting...... I will send you a wonderful CHRISTIAN web site that got me started!

Love ya girl and I hope the bird of Paradise flies up the pant leg of that Dr!

Dani said...

I am peeved at the doctor too.....not a nice thing to say at all, especially when he wants you to lose, I'd just fold up if the doctor told me that, but you are much braver than me..
Denise is right, God is bigger than any cancer or doctor....can I hear a amen?

Julie said...

YOU GO GIRL!!!!! I love your attitude of "I'll show you." You can do anything you set your mind to, you've done it already!! Go Speed. Julie

limpingalong said...

I've had nothing but trouble since the last update. I should learn not to load those.

nancy huggins said...

I'm sorry Cora but NO ONE but God knows IF and WHEN the Cancer will come back..There is a big bunch of people out there praying for you..that is better than any treatment the Doctors can give..their treatments help some but I truly believe that the treatments from God will work more wonders...look at what they have done so far.
I hope you are ablr to loose some weight too but be careful and don't make yourself sick from dieting. Be sure and take vitamins and drink lots of juice and water.
I LOVE the picture of Buster..makes me want to give him a big hug :) :)

Grammy Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

You go girl! YOU show HIM!! Someone needs to teach him a lesson so you do it. You loose some weight AND stay healthy!! I'll be right here cheering you on!

hugs, Linda

papel1 said...

Good to hear from you and glad you have gotten back to blogging. You better have something to slip to Buster. He is so cute, and I imagine just as mischivious as ever. Good Luck on losing weight and staying healthy.

Nancy M. said...

Sorry you've been having trouble with blogs. I think the problem is probably internet explorer. I don't use it anymore. I downloaded firefox to browse the internet.

Happy late Birthday!!!

I'm sorry the doctor upset you so bad! I know that had to hurt when he said those things! I don't see how he can know for a fact that it will come back.

I'm glad to hear you are trying to lose weight on your own. I had the lap-band done several years ago and it doesn't always work. I was trying to take the easy way out and did lose weight in the beginning, but have gained over half of it back. I can't afford the money for fills, so it's of no use. Now, I wish I'd never done it! So, I am glad you are strong enough to try losing weight on your own! Good Luck!

Daria said...

Happy Belated Birthday Cora!

Sorry you have to keep that port in. I hope and pray it never gets used again.

KathyB. said...

My daughter is one of those people that if you tell her she cannot succeed at something , she proves you wrong! You sound like her! Prove ol' doc wrong in all his predictions. His HUMAN predictions, because our God is an awesome God....

All you have to do is watch weather forecasters, they use all their satellite pictures, combined with SCIENCE...SCIENCE! and what do you get, many wrong, very, very wrong outcomes of their science forecasts.Just goes to show Who is really in charge.

Go for it , all the way!

Roxanne said...

Is that Dr's last name God? He must think so. I'm sorry he painted such a negative picture for you. But we both know who is in control!!! Praying for you as you embark on your weight loss program. Blessings my friend>

"Just Me - NC Beth" said...

I would love to see the dr.'s face when you walk in the next time all slim and trim...and feeling strong as can be!!

That'll show him!!!


Kay @ The Rustic Cottage said...

I'm sorry but that doctor is just rude!! Only God knows what the future holds. Hang on to that with all your might. Prayers are more powerful than any doctor's words!!!


LindaSueBuhl said...

Oncology doctors don't win awards for being all warm and fuzzy (in my experience). It is hard to hear such harsh words - and I'm not sure I'd be as disciplined as you to go on the cabbage soup diet! Somebody else said - God is the only one who knows the when, what and where of our time on earth - so I'm standing on His word and with you - thank you so much for your sweet words on my blog. As one smart fella I know often says - as believers we aren't promised a smooth journey but oh baby what a landing we are guaranteed! Here's to your journey being a bit smoother - Hey Buster - you are a good looking fellow and good table manners too

ByLightOfMoon said...

Cora Dear Cora,

First off, I am so sorry I missed wishing you a Very Happy Birthday!

I would love to see a photo of the beautiful rosy cake you made for a sense of the awesome smell. ~ I do hope you blew out your candles and make a FABULOUS WISH!

Your Doctor has NO bedside Manner and I think your question was very reasonable. I certainly would speak up and not let that Doctor get away with his remarks. But, you know me; I tell it like it is!

Say Well, Doc, I was just wondering about my life and thanks for sharing that you think having cancer is just another shot in the belly. If you have not had it, then please be kinder in your words to others and probably me who PAY to come see you and ASK your opinion. It stinks! Give me something to smile about today ;-) like the fact that I am alive and I can hear the birds sing! Enjoy today because none of us has any idea when our time will come.

Don’t stay on that crazy cabbage diet too long, just eat some good veggies and fruit and be glad you have an appetite. Remember when you didn’t?

My daughter and son-in-law had the gastric bypass several years ago really just as the lap band was coming out. This surgery is followed by other surgery’s to remove excess fat and hey, you have had enough surgeries. Unless it is really threatening your health, just be happy with yourself.

Cora, you have the sweetest attitude and please know all the friends you have are on your side, so just LIVE and enjoy Today as it is God’s gift to us. Now, I do wish I could still ride a tatter totter, in fact I do have a necklace I wear with one on the front side and the back side says: “ Seek Balance, Find Happiness”. I just wear it to remind me everyday!
And I never take it off!

Smiles, Cyndi

Oma aka Meme said...

oh Cora = I am speechless!! however I am praying- I have been off blogs for some summer sun- I guess it is best that he is honest but some times I wish they could wait-- I notice the oncologists are blunt- maybe it is the best way for them to cope -
soft hugs and you are doing so good on the diet but that leaning== be careful you do not fall--LOL

Lea of Farmhouse Blessings said...

Well that whole visit really stunk, didn't it? (I was thinking something a little more blatant but won't put that into writing!) I'm with Dani! God is bigger than any of these problems and through him, you can overcome.

And I do believe that sometimes even our stubborn natures are gifts from the Lord. It gets me in trouble sometimes but then helps pull me through those really trying times as well.

Sending you warm hugs,