Heaven!

Can you remember the very first time in your life when you came face to face with the fact that there was a Heaven? I think I was always taught there was a Heaven, that God loved me and died for me so that I could go there, and that it was a wonderful place. But as a very small child, those are vague, unimportant things that really don't make a big impact. . .until!

I can still remember our backyard. It was small, fenced in, with a detached garage in the back. Since we lived on a corner, the side wall of the garage lined the back of our backyard. We played a lot there. And I remember being very aware of the birds building their nests in the little birdhouses that were built in under the eaves. Back and forth they would go with pieces of grass to build a nest. Soon, it seemed the nesting was overdone as it was all hanging out of the holes. Then, those little birds were carrying food back and forth in what seemed like a frenzy.

One day, I can remember being in a panic, as one of the birds was lying on the ground. It was still. And though I had not faced death up until this time, somehow I knew it was dead. I can still remember my Mom and Dad helping us through that time. She gave us a shoe box and we gently put the little bird into box. My Dad explained that God must have needed a little bird in Heaven, so now it was very happy flying around Heaven and that God would feed it and take care of it. He then said a little prayer and he buried the bird.

And that was that!

Little did I know that in a year or two, I would face death again. During that time, I know I grew up a little more, learned more about God and Heaven and angels. But I had never known a person who died. I had never been to a funeral, and didn't know what one was. I can still remember the events of that awful night. I woke up the a frenzy of activity downstairs. My sister and I went down the steps. I heard people crying. Someone told me, "Your Mother went to Heaven. Now, go back to bed."

And that was that!

I can remember thinking that this must be something very "matter of fact." No one hugged me, or told me everything would be ok. I can't remember anyone ever saying they were sorry about what happened. My Sunday School teacher never mentioned my Mom or said she was praying for me and my family. My older brother and sister never mentioned her or said they would take care of me. We were rushed away to my Aunt's home until sometime after the funeral. When I came back, another Aunt and Uncle had moved in with their family, all Mom's things were gone, and a new life began with never a mention of her name.

And that was that!

It was a long time before I realized that this was NOT normal. I think I was well into adulthood before I became aware of the fact that people grieved and were hurt deeply when someone close died. Up until this time, I just thought it was a matter of fact thing. You just died and went to Heaven! Like the bird in the backyard. Like my mother. I never forgot her. I never grieved her death. I never missed her. I never cried. But deep within my soul, even as an 8-year-old child, there was an empty hole that is still there even today.

It's not easy to look into dark, empty holes in your soul. It's like standing on the edge of a deep, dark well and being afraid of falling into . . . . .what???? Once in a while, a tear would run down my cheek and fall into that dark hole, and I would realize it was much deeper than I had ever imagined, because I never heard the tear hit the bottom of the well!

The journeys of my life took me many places. On some of those pathways, I knew God was with me. On others, I hoped He was not! And on the rest, I wondered where He was. But I now know one thing -- He was always there. He saw that sparrow fall that day, and He saw me there as I picked it up. He saw me there, alone, when my Mom passed away, And though I did not realize it, He picked ME up.

He saw me then. . .And He sees me now. . . And He loves me just the same.

And that is that!