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Monday, October 17, 2011

Becoming

Dear Lord,

Somehow, please help them to understand,
Because right now,
In all my confusion,
Disappointments,
And searching,
I don’t even
Understand
Myself.

Help them to understand
I’m struggling ---
And struggling hard ---
To find the answers ---
Your answers ---

To questions I don’t know
How to ask,
And sometimes,
I’m not even sure
I know the questions
Knawing at my soul.

Somehow, Lord, please help them to understand --
I want your best
For me
And those I love.
It seems right now
The things I thought
You chose as best
Are not;
Yet, still,
I cannot find
Just what it is
That will replace
My best with Yours.

Somehow, Lord, please, somehow --
There must be someone who understands;
Someone brave enough,
Someone who cares enough
To hug me and to say,
“I understand,
I’ve been there,
I’ll walk the road again
And see you through.”

Somehow, dear Lord, help me
To help them understand.
I’m so afraid
Of sharing all the depths
Of all that hurts,
Of all that doubts,
Of all that yearns and thirsts
For something more.
It hurts when those
Who do not care
Turn away from me
As if I were diseased.
Help them to understand
I need to struggle
And struggle hard
To become ---
Oh, Father,
To become what?

That’s it, Oh Lord,
That’s all they need to understand ---
I want no more
And be assured,
I want no less,
Than to become
Like YOU!

Not high,
Not mighty,
Not lofty,
Or above them;

Not more spiritual,
Not more wise,
Only more like You.

Help them to understand, dear Lord,
I need some time --
Time alone --
Yet,, not alone --
For oh, that they could know
How I yearn for their support
And love,
And yes,
Even an understanding tear.

I’ll do my best --
I have no other choice.
I’ve weighed my options,
Counted all the costs ---
And turning back ---
(back to what?) --
Is not one option
I cannot think about.
I’ll do my best
To learn the unlearned art
Of becoming. . .

Becoming patient
Of those who think
Pat answers always work.

Becoming loving
Of those who are unlovely.

Becoming compassionate
Of those who turn away.

Becoming lovely
And beautiful,
And endearing
To those who say
Unlovely things.

Becoming ---
Oh Father,
I never knew
It would be so hard
To become
Just a little more
Like You!

--Cora Eelman


Continuing counting my grace gifts. . . .

585. Sales on pork roasts, fish, veggies, and even my favorite bread.

586. Cooler weather after a long, hot summer.

587. Watching leaves lose their grip on their branch and slowly dance to the ground.

588. Birds who seem to know within seconds that I have filled their feeder.

589. A diet that works for me (Weight Watchers.)

590. Buster, who doesn't care if I'm fat as long as I'm happy and not crabby.

591. Sharing recipes with friends and finding encouragement and support.

21 comments:

thefisherlady said...

Cora dear, I know Buster thinks the world of you even in crabbiness... our dogs simply have that glory all their own to understand...
I wish I were there to hug you dear, long and hard... I have a very elderly friend, that when I hugged her the other day, and I had to bend low to find her shrunken tiny frame, her being so ready to meet our Maker... so when I hugged her giving of my gentleness so as not to break her, but lingering so that she could feel my heart for her... I all of a sudden felt her sigh and quiver, and breathe deep and linger too. The love of God is like this and she has no idea how much her quiver of bliss meant to me as we just held on and I rested my lips on her sunken cheeks that twenty-eight years ago gave comfort and warmth to my three infants, now grown and giving love of their own....How long had it been since her last hug, and kiss... oh the joy when Jesus takes his bride, spotless and eagerly waiting. I know my Ruth friend will linger with Him... resting in His grace and the fullness of His love.
When I am so alone and misunderstood, it is a moment like this hug with Ganny Ruth, that reminds me it is not about me at all... it is all about touching friends like you, and granny, my grand kiddies, my neighbour...
please know you are precious; thanks for share from your depths... Jesus is even there. May you quiver at His hug today and be super blessed.
Its just me
but thinking deep of you
and praying for you

thefisherlady said...

I thought I would leave this little 'favourite things' for you... blessings Cora!

my favourite things/ the holy things of God

out in the cool of the night
under the shelter of His wings
I know His holiness

alone with Him
one with Him
resting in Him alone
He comes and offers
peace and quiet rest

I need no words
my life is an open storybook
He knows by heart
but He shares His joy
His strength
His hope
His Love

with me

little me

out in the cool of the night
while night hawks fly
and the wild things
watch through the dark...

my Saviour bids me come
walk with Him

there is no shame
I need not hide
He knows each beat of my heart
and bids me come
come
and know His holiness

though days are filled with the groanings of life
burdens bulge
pressures mount
always there is
grace

This is God's holiness

He offers to take our lives
and live His through us
He offers to take our everything
and make it beautiful

This is God's holiness

me
little me

wrapped in the love of God
a ribbon of Grace to hold me in

and all the while to know
the holy things of God

my favourite things

Joyful Noise for a Joyful Life said...

I love that. It is how we all feel at times. God is not our crutch, He is our stretcher that we must lay our lives on. I love the one of leaves dancing to the ground. What a sweet visual picture when we take time to notice.

If you ever want to talk I have been through so many times when I needed to talk to someone who was removed from my day to day walk. Speaking frankly without needing to filter is powerfully therapeutic. 18 months ago I lost my 24 year old son to suicide. I know what it is to need to just be heard by someone who is not so close. Email me at b.barber@laschools.net if you want to connect.
Joyful

thefisherlady said...

Its me again but I must say this blessed me so much... in your list


587. Watching leaves lose their grip on their branch and slowly dance to the ground.

This has been my joy these autumn days too and to take part in the dance is sublime! I love their "losing their grip" with the branch... the thing which holds them now releases them to dance as they again nourish ...

Yesteryear Embroideries said...

Such lovely writing..........brought tears to my eyes! blessings,Kathleen

emily wierenga said...

you are an encouragement, friend. thank you.

Andrea Dawn said...

"I’ll do my best
To learn the unlearned art
Of becoming. . ."

This is beautiful, Cora, and courageous. I think there are many who feel this way, but would not be willing to be this vulnerable. Bless you as you press in for transformation.

Thanks for stopping by The Art of Life and your sweet comments.

Carrie said...

Nice to meet you...and what fabulous words! I can relate to so many of them. It touched my heart. Glad that you found a diet that worked for you...I have a love/hate relationship with weight. One of these days, I hope to accept myself fat, thin or in the middle somewhere! Loved your post and your gratitude list!

Kristin Bridgman said...

This was beautiful in so many ways! I also loved the picture of dancing leaves falling to the ground. They have been dancing here with me too.
Close your eyes Cora. . .I'm giving you a great big hug through cyberspace. . .can you feel it?
Much love to you,
Kristin

Jennifer said...

Beautiful words today, Cora. And you said what I am sure we have all felt at times. Sending (((hugs))) to you today, my friend!

dsblanchard said...

Dear Cora,

I thought after you ministered to me for almost the whole past week that you must be drained and I see that you are. I'd like to be right there. We both love dogs. We could get a loom and learn to weave. Being with one another, we could unload all this STUFF we have.

Becoming is near my heart. I used the nursing Theory of Human Becoming for my doctoral work. It was very much like quantum physics in its approach. Wholes were not sums of parts, there was no past, present or future (all was progressive present). It's very name "becoming" is progressive present. While working on becoming with early adolescent African American inner city kids I was struck time and again by Amy Grant's song The Now and the Not Yet. Perhaps this would be helpful to you right now. I would sing Keith Green's "No Compromise" as a prayer.

I found The Now and the Not Yet sung by some young women from Papua New Guinea on You Tube. It was so touching and the lyrics could be found in many places:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zWQpVs0u_w&feature=related

The Now & The Not Yet

No longer what we were before but not all that we will be
Tomorrow when we lock the door on all our compromising
And He appears, He'll draw us near and we'll be changed by His glory
Wrapped up in His glory

We will be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is

No longer what we saw before but not all that we will see
Tomorrow when we lock the door on all our disbelieving
When He appears, our view will clear and we'll be changed by His glory
Wrapped up in His glory

But I'm caught in between the now and the not yet
Sometimes it feels like forever and ever
That I've been reaching to be all that I am
But I'm only a few steps nearer, yet I'm nearer

No longer what we were before but not all that we will be
Tomorrow when we lock the door on all our disbelieving
And He appears, He'll draw us near and we'll be changed by His glory
Wrapped up in His glory

When He appears, He'll draw us near and we'll be changed by His glory
Wrapped up in His glory

Dear Cora - it is the next day as I look at the clock. I will soon be praying for you before I fall asleep. You are in my heart.

Good night,
Dawn

Debra said...

oh Cora-I'm so glad I stopped in today. It's funny-you've been on my heart, and I found myself praying for you at times-I didn't even know you were struggling-I say that word, but it's not the one I want. Your poem put it best.
I've gone through some stuff-I think 2 or 3 years of different stuff that's been especially hard. One thing I have figured out is that people who don't understand will just urge you to be cheery and write cheery blog posts-and that makes it just all the harder....at least it did for me. There were those few faithful blog friends (you are one of them) that just let me go through it and loved me anyway. It helped. I think I'm on the other side of some things, but I'm just finding my way too.
I love you Cora-you are a real friend. You have some wonderful friends -I was blessed by all of the comments.
~Debra

Lea said...

I care so much dear friend. I truly do. I share your tear... and am huggin you til you let go first!
I want you to become everything God has for you. - (me too)... and seek Him right along with you....
I love ya bunches and bunches...
Becoming.....
and eagle wings. xoxo

Lea said...

Grace.

PianoPlayer said...

Coffee?

Denise said...

You are beautiful inside and outside and HE sees that...... I am glad you are my friend...

Vicky said...

Hi Cora, I came to check up on you! I was thinking of you and wanted to see how you were doing. You've been such a faithful and kind supporter of all that I have been going through and I wanted to let you know how very grateful I am to have your uplifting and encouraging words! I hope you are well! This was such a heartfelt and beautiful post. It truly moved me and I hope that you continue "becoming," all that you desire to be!

Blessings to you!

Craig said...

I understand – I understand perfectly. I wish the "others" could see you as I see you. And Buster – I kind of heart that little muttly! And my favorite from your list of thank you's is the fact that the birds know you've filled their feeder within seconds – that made me smile! And Cora – I heart, heart, heart your poetry! God bless you my friend.

dsblanchard said...

I nominated you for a Liebster Award. Please go to my blog to see what I mean.

I hope you will get this message,
Dawn

Craig said...

miss you friend – I really want to know what's going on – where you are, what's up. Drop a note if you get a chance. God bless you Cora!

Janet Beckwith Macy said...

Oh - this touched me so deep.

This is how I've felt for a couple weeks.

Is there anyone that understands?
And all those pat answers.

Reminds me of a poem that I shared with a group during a time of intense struggle. It was about "Please hear what I'm not saying".

Praying for you.
Share with me anytime in confidence if you like: janmacy@twinvalley.net.