Where Am I, Lord?

Where am I, Lord?
Is there no name
For this forsaken place?
A place where things no longer are that were,
And things that are, I just can't seem to face?
In between --
That's how I feel,
Just -- in between!
Standing tall,
Yet --- wanting so to lean.

They say I'm doing good and look so well.
Walking on; yet, crawling in my shell!
I sing -- and smile -
And say, "I'm doing fine!"
Fine?
Oh Lord, I'm doing great
At hiding all these gnawing thoughts of mine!
Where am I, Lord,
Just tell me where I am!
Am I lost,
Or found,
Please help your little lamb!

Just when I think
You've put me back together,
I fall apart,
I'm laughing with a friend at noon,
And then
The broken heart!
All I dealt with yesterday
And sorted out with You,
Today is just a mess
With doubts
So fresh and new!
I'm here,
Then there,
And oh, dear Lord,
Sometimes I know I'm nowhere!
And all the things
That yesterday I did,
Today I would not dare!

Where am I Lord,
Please, tell me where I am.
I've never walked alone before,
And I'm not sure I can!
It's not that I don't trust
That You will lead me on my way;
I just need some roadsigns
As I struggle day by day.
They say they like my smile
And to keep my eyes on you!
But all I see is clouds
And rain --
Oh, if they only knew!
I can't explain that I still hurt,
They'd never understand.
Oh Father,
Tell me where I am,
Please,
Grab my grasping hand!

Oh child, I am still your peace,
Oh, little lamb of mine,
I've never been so close to you,
I've been there
All the time!
I know the place seems new to you,
But you've been there before.
It's just that now you're here
Alone,
And oh, you need it more!
Take the time
To just be still --
Take all the time you need.
Get to know this unknown place,
As here in prayer you plead.
Where are you?
Oh my child,
Please come to understand,
You've never left the safety of
The hollow of My hand!

--Cora Eelman