A Busy Week!

Brrrr!!!!! Woke up this morning with a cold nose, put on my housecoat, a nice fleece hat, and went outside with Buster! Wow!!!! 28 degrees worth of chilly bumps, believe me! But it warmed up nice and is about 70 degrees now. Sunny, blue skies, and a slight breeze --- that's what Florida is all about!!!!

Wednesday was my appointment for the PET scan. They give you an injection of radioactive glucose and you have to wait about 40 minutes for that to circulate throughout your body. I asked why the glucose??? The tech said that cancer cells thrive on sugar. I didn't know that, or had forgotten about that. They have you fast with no carbs or sugar for 24 hours before the testing. That way, your cancer cells (if you have any) grab onto that glucose stuff. When they run you through the narrow tunnel and do the scan, even the smallest cell of cancer will show up on the results. He said it's better than a CT scan as with this, the cancer has to be a certain size before it shows up. I was worried at first, because I didn't think I could hold my arms over my head for 25 minutes. But then I was told that arms are down at your sides, so that was a relief. It all went fine --- very uneventful. Didn't even have to undress.

Thursday was my consultation with the radiologist Dr. He was just the nicest guy I've ever met. My sister had already told me how much she had liked this Dr., so I was at ease with him from the get-go. He went over my chart with me, asked lots of questions, examined me, then told me all about the radiation treatments, etc. He then asked if I would consent to a fairly new treatment called "hyperthermia" along with the radiation treatments. I had never heard of it. He said that they heat the area they are treating and make it hot and then do the radiation. This is supposed to make the radiation results much better. I agreed, very cautiously, thinking that if this hurt or caused major burns, I'd just quit that part. You KNOW that I ran home and googled this, as I had never heard of it before. And YES, I found more than I ever needed to know about it. Evidently, they put a plastic baggie of water on your chest, then a microwave comes down over it and slowly heats it up to 104 to 113 degrees. Somewhere it said it's like being in a hot tub. I can handle that, I think.

Friday, I went yet AGAIN, this time for what is called the "simulation radiation setup." Again, I had no idea what to expect. Strip to the waist and put a little gown on. Don't know why the gown as soon as I got in there, they took it OFF!!!!! I was back in the CT scan room --- remember that post about lying on the plank with my arms over my head --- yep! That's the one! So there I am, bare naked to the waste with "pajama man" and his trusty helper. I told them I was sure I could NOT get my arm over my head, but he jokingly said he would use a winch or a "comealong" to pull it up there! I cringed!!!!! So. . . . I lay back on the plank and they put a wedgey under my knees and a huge plastic pillow filled with styrofoam beads under my head.
Then they told me to get my arm up over my head. Slowly, I did it, groaning and moaning all the way. I was able to do it when I could grab my hand with my other hand and gently pull it back. NOT a happy camper now, mind you! Then, they began to position me, turning my head, pulling, pushing, turning, etc. I'll tell you, when you get cancer like this, you lose all your sense of being private, reserved, etc. All this time, I'm naked, wondered what the gown was for in the first place?????

When they got me positioned, they started vacuuming the air out of the plastic pillow, until it formed a perfect mold of my position. This will be the form I lay in each time I get the radiation treatments. OK!!!! Test run (simulation) time!
They slowly get the plank I'm laying on to the right height, and they slide me into the tunnel. After about 5 minutes, they bring me back out, and tell me we have to do the mold all over again because it didn't look good. So we start over in a new position and go through it all again. This time, it's good.

The Dr. comes in. I'm still naked, mind you, arms over my head, and he starts drawing all over my chest with a magic marker. This is the radiation field. He tells the girl something and she asks, "What?" He repeats himself and she says yes. When the doc leaves, she asks pajama man, "Do you know what he was talking about?" And he laughs and says, "Not a clue!" Oh well!!!

Now the fun part. I get tatoos!!!!! STILL with my arms over my head. I feel defenseless as I can't punch anyone if it hurts, nor can I jump up and run!!!!! Three little tatoos -- one on each side and one in the middle of my belly. These are the markers they will line up the machine with each time I go for radiation. It didn't hurt --- it was like getting a shot. Another useless worry! I'm such a whuss when it comes to worrying about pain!

And that ended that long day! Took about 2 hours from start to finish!

Oh!!!! The best part! I asked if the results of the PET scan had come back and pajama man said, "Yes, it's right here! Do you want to read it?" I grabbed that piece of paper out of his hand, as I had really worried that I might light up like a Christmas tree and find the cancer spread all over my body. NOTHING! Totally unremarkable, it said! Another useless worry! That was definitely a load lifter, believe me!

So. . . . I will know next week about when I start the actual radiation treatments. 30 treatments, every day, 5 days a week . . . so that's 6 weeks!!!! And then it is ALL OVER!!! We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Daybook Entry for February 16, 2009

FOR TODAY (February 16, 2009)...

Outside My WindowThe sun is shining, the sky is blue, and it's one of those perfect Florida days! The birds are at the feeder, and old dead leaves are falling off the trees -- I guess these are ones that froze last week an are now falling. My Cherry Laurel Tree has all new little leaves starting to grow!!!! Is spring really around the corner?

I am thinking. . . About how much better I feel! You know, when you go through chemo treatments and surgery, you forget what "feeling good" really is! Good days were only in comparison to the "road kill" days, and they weren't really that great at all. I'll be glad when the radiation is behind me!

I am thankful for My list is so long! But I'm so thankful for feeling great, for being able to do so much more, my arm is gaining strength, etc.

From the kitchen... Chicken Quesadias (sp???) tonight. Chicken salad with manderin oranges and pineapple for lunch. Already had a piece of apple cake for breakfast!

I am wearing... Same old junky loose pants and old tee shirt. I'm in a rut!

I am creating... A file for all the great recipes I find on all the blogs out there. They are just fantastic and have inspired me to try new things.

I am going... Probably nowhere. Post Office is closed today, so that is out. I'll walk over to my Sister's house, go out a few times with Buster, but that's it!

I am hoping... Or should we say "dreading" the radiation treatments! I'm encouraged to hear so many have NO serious side effects, but my oncologist got me all nervous about how I will react. I went out and bought an arsenol of creams and sprays just in case.

I am hearing... A crow in the distance that will not shut up!!!! But he can't seem to drown out the beautiful song of the male cardinal sitting out there as he croons away for the little female next to him. What a picture! Wish I had my camera handy!.

Around the house...My pile of quilt and fabric scraps was about 8 feet tall! Truly a mountain that needed attention, as it started to fall over on me today. It filled three huge black trash bags! That's one job out of the way. I think I'll be spending some time in that room straightening up and seeing what's on the bottom of my piles of quilts and fabric that I've forgotten about.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . .
Wednesday I go for a CT scan. Remember way back at the beginning of my cancer journey and how I had this done?????? NOT a pleasant experience as that was the first time they tried to use my port, broke the needle, tried three times to punch that thing in, etc., etc. Hope it goes better this time. Some people just love having that port so the nurses don't have to dig for veins all the time. Mine has been nothing but trouble!!! Thursday I go to the radiologist. Not sure when the treatments will begin.

A Scripture Thought. . . Psalm 56:3 -- "What time I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee." Isn't it wonderful how the little verses we learned as children in Sunday School constantly come back to us throughout our lives!!!!! I only wish I could say that I've always trusted when I was fearful! NOT!!!!! And now as an old lady, I can truly say that most of my time spent being afraid was a total waste as most of it never even happened anyways!

Here is picture thought I am sharing. . .



I've been trying different Apple Cake recipes, and this is a great one! But I still think Lea's over at Farmhouse Blessings is the best. This runs a close second:

Apple Cake
Ingredients:
1/2 cup butter, softened
2 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 cups all-purpose flour
1-1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
6 cups chopped peeled tart apples
BUTTERSCOTCH SAUCE:
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup butter, cubed
1/2 cup heavy whipping cream
Directions:
In a large mixing bowl, cream the butter, sugar and vanilla. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Combine the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and baking soda; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well (batter will be stiff). Stir in apples until well combined.
Spread into a greased 13-in. x 9-in. baking dish. Bake at 350° for 40-45 minutes or until top is lightly browned and springs back when lightly touched. Cool for 30 minutes before serving.
Meanwhile, in a small saucepan, combine brown sugar and butter. Cook over medium heat until butter is melted. Gradually add cream. Bring to a slow boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Remove from the heat. Serve with cake. Yield: 12-14 servings.

I couldn't help but include this today. It is just the sweetest thing I've ever seen!!!!





I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog

HERE!

Daybook Entry for February 9, 2009

FOR TODAY (February 9, 2009)...

Outside My WindowIt is just beginning to get dark, and only the cardinals are chirping at the feeder. They are always the first to come in the morning and the last to get a "late night snack" before dark! Things look so . . . dead out there! We had some hard freezes in the past few weeks and what was green is now very wintery brown. You folks up north wouldn't understand, but this is Florida!!!!! I'm used to a green lawn all year round!

I am thinking. . . About today's visit with my cancer doctor. He was in a ripe mood today with silly jokes, etc.! He checked out my surgery spot and asked ME (of all things!) why this one spot was so red!!!???? As if I would know the answer to that! He did tell me, though that I would have a hard time with the radiation as I have "a lot of skin there" to go through. Just what I needed to hear! The appointment is set to start on Feb 19. Funny thing! The girl at the appointment desk was going to have me start this Friday, but just wouldn't let me do it because it was Friday the 13th and insisted that would be a terrible day to start. Couldn't convince her that it was ok with me! So the 19th it is!

I am thankful forA beautiful, warm, spring-like day today with lots of sunshine! I'm thankful Patsy is doing ok as she is in the hospital with some kind of intestinal obstruction. She's been in there since Saturday morning, but if everything is ok, will be home tomorrow. I'm thankful for my Sis an our fun "girl's lunch out" today at Perkins. And I'm so thankful that I'm on the last leg of this pink journey through breast cancer.

From the kitchen... Just finised some french toast with Buster! I'm not used to cooking for one, and had all this bread and lots of eggs on hand. My favorite meal!!!!! Tomorrow I'm baking Lea's apple cake!

I am wearing... Black slacks, a nice blouse and my chemo hat. Still dressed from going to the Dr.

I am creating... New meal plans as things have to change with Patsy's diet. Very small meals, 6 times a day, no gassy foods, etc.,etc. It will be a hard thing, for sure, but we'll figure it all out.

I am going... The farthest I'll be going tonight is outside to throw Buster's new ball. I got an extra large football for him, so he has to struggle a little to keep it in his mouth. He loves it!!!!

I am hoping... I continue to get more and more use of my arm. I'm so glad it's doing so much better. Just can't lift it too far yet. Better than last week, though!

I am hearing... The hum of my computer and Buster chomping down his dinner. PeeWee is walking around the house meowing, looking for Patsy.

Around the house... I walked through the house with Patsy's walker today. She would never use it when she got it 2 years ago, saying she couldn't get through the house with it. I did have to move the table in order to get through to the kitchen, and then moved some other things to make a smooth sail through to the bedroom, etc. I think she is way past using 2 canes anymore and the walker will be much easier on her and give her more stability!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . .
Tomorrow I'll probably be picking up Patsy from the hospital and getting her settled back home again. Then, I'll need to catch up on getting things listed on ebay, etc.

A Scripture Thought. . . The verse in Job 23:10 that says, But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold." Isn't it strange that when we want what is God's best, the way always seems to lead through the purifying fires!!!! So many of my dear friends are truly being tried with hard times, illnesses, financial troubles, etc. Yet, I each one has been such a testimony of God's grace as I have seen "gold" being formed in their lives!!!

Here is picture thought I am sharing. . .

Please pray for Jase!!!! This is Lea's (from Farmhouse Blessings) son, who is facing some problems with a possible heart condition. Pray for the Doctor that he sees on the 25th, that they will have wisdom from God as to how to treat Jase. Also pray for Lea and her family that the Lord's peace will surround them as they wait through the next few weeks!Please go and visit and leave an encouraging word for them! --Lea's Farmhouse Blessing Blog!

I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog HERE!

Daybook Entry for February 2, 2009

FOR TODAY (February 2, 2009)...

Outside My WindowIt's a very gloomy, rainy, chilly day! Not that I'm complaining, mind you! It seems that we don't get much rain like we used to, so this is really a good thing! And I just love the sound of rain. For me, it is the most relaxing, soothing sound there is. LOTS of happy Robins, too! They were taking baths and loooooong drinks in the first puddle that formed in my driveway this morning. I love the sound of their happy chirping. It won't be long and they will start their long journey back north again!

I am thinking. . . What a long journey this has been with this breast cancer thing! Seems like ages since my last chemo back in December. Now, it's been almost a month since surgery. It's all healing up nicely, and I'm finding I can use my arm a little more each day. I'm so glad for that. It was a little unsettling to think that I might not have the use of that arm!

I am thankful forMy crazy sister! Ever since she moved down here about 10 years ago, we have been shopping buddies! Nothing makes us happier than to go grocery shopping together, whether we need anything or not --- and nothing disappoints us more than to see a big sale on meat and know we don't have room in the freezer for it! This happened this weekend. But we did come home with a HUGE slab of pork ribs each, and did we ever pig out! Recipe will be coming soon!

From the kitchen... Don't know yet! We devoured the ribs last night, so it might be chicken tonight. I have to use up what's in my freezer, and there seems to be a LOT of chicken in there. I have left over rice from last night.
I also want to make a zucchini bread as I have all the ingredients here!

I am wearing... cozy knit baggy pants, tee shirt, hat to keep my head warm.

I am creating... Nothing new at the moment. I do need to create a recipe notebook as I've been collecting such delicious recipes from every one's blogs! They are all keepers so far!

I am going...Nowhere that I can think of! To wet and soggy out there. Might venture over to my sister's house for coffee later! Can't miss that!

I am reading... Nothing much. I need to start reading again. What happened to me, anyways???? I used to always have a book in my hands, loved reading anything and everything. I lost my concentration skills somewhere along the line. Now it's one liners and pictures!

I am hoping...I continue to heal before my appointment with the oncologist next Monday. He will be setting up radiation sessions at that time. I should not have been reading about radiation burns, etc. Made me scared of that now!

I am hearing... Buster sighing as he stretches in his sleep. Always, always under my feet wherever I am. What a guy! As bad as he can be and as hyper and overactive, he's the greatest sleeping buddy you could ever want. I couldn't sleep last night, so he got his head and ears petted for hours! All he did was sigh, snort, and take it all in! Gotta love him!

Around the house... I'm on a roll! Cleaned the kitchen floor, gathered up laundry and already have two loads done. Where does it all come from????? We are only two people here and I have basket loads! Again, my trusty grabber came in handy for pulling the full baskets! I can't pick it up, so. . . . I just pulled it along behind me! Where there is a will (or lack of clean clothing) there is a way!

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week. . .
It's supposed to be cold for a few days, so I'll probably just stay home and keep warm. Don't know why, but I'm always cold ---- chilled to the bones! Doesn't matter how warm the house is, I'm still cold. That's a switch as I usually want the temp like a meat locker here.

A Scripture Thought. . . Jer. 29:11 --"For I know the plans I have for you, saith the Lord, a plan for good and not for evil, a plan with a future and a hope!" Isn't it wonderful to know that God not only KNOWS the future, but that He has planned it all out for us with only the best for us! And yet, we continue to worry! I wonder why. . .????

Here is picture thought I am sharing. . .

I will always remember my bike! Though I do know now that I must have had a legion of guardian angels watching over me as I rode further and further away from home on that thing! What an independent, adventurous soul I was as a kid! And that's my little sister on her bike right behind me!


I'm so glad to be able to participate with the others in this Notebook entry. You can visit The Simple Woman's blog HERE!

Good News!

Yesterday I went to my Oncologist at the Cancer Center for my post-op appointment. I had not seen him since early December when I had my last chemo treatment. It's strange how "attached" you become to your cancer Dr. You don't realize that this guy becomes your "lifeline" in your fight for your life, and you want his opinion on everything that is going on. So I was looking forward to his comments on the surgery and the pathology reports that had come back. I didn't know if the findings were good, expected, not good, terrible, wonderful, or what. . . .????

Wouldn't you know, I was LATE for my appointment! I'm a person who is NEVER late for anything. I can't remember ever showing up late. In fact, I'm usually the first person to arrive anywhere. But I got my time wrong somehow. I'm just glad that he was still there.

As usual, all my fears and doubts were wasted time! He was thrilled with the pathology report. He told me that the tumor had shrunk to 1 cm in size. When I mentioned that the original size was about 4 cm, he asked me where I got that from? He then informed me that the original size of the tumor was about 10 cm, as it had taken over the whole breast area, and that the chemo had done an amazing job at shrinking it down to a mear 1 cm in size. He told me that the cancer findings in the 5 out of 15 lymph nodes was what he sort of expected and this did not change any of his feelings as to the outcome of everything. In fact, he said it was "great. . . better than great!"

He then told me that I would have a few more weeks to heal up better and then start radiation. And. . . . he feels I do NOT need any more chemo along with that. That was the best news I've heard in 6 months!!!!! For a Dr. who seems to be a straight shooter, doesn't candy coat anything, and tells it like it is, I felt that this was a great visit with great news. I know there are a lot of patients who ask for a different Dr. because he isn't the kind that just makes you feel good and he doesn't give false hopes, etc. But for me, that's what I want. . . just tell me up front what's happening and what is down the road. So. . . . as of today, it looks like a great answer to everyone's prayers!!!!

Being that my trusty old port hasn't been used in a while, I had to have that "flushed out!" NOT my most happy moment of the day. After the last time when they had to punch me 6 times to get that needle in, I was NOT looking forward to this. But, to make my day even better, the nurse got it in on the first try, no pain, no fuss, and I was out of there in minutes.

My next appointment is in a few weeks and tht is when the radiation stuff will be set up. Also, he wants to do another scan at that time, too.

I came home feeling like a whole lot of "stuff" is now behind me. I felt that the load had been lightened considerably, believe me. I'll be seeing the surgeon at the end of the week and hopefully, the other garden hose (drain) will be taken out then. I'll also be talking to him about my arm, as it doesn't seem to be working too well. Can't lift it at all. I can lift from the elbow down --- like pick up my cup of coffee and drink, or type, or write with a pen, etc. It's the shoulder movement that just isn't there. I need to know if this is typical after a mastectomy or if it is from the nerve he had to cut during surgery. My cancer Dr. seemed to know nothing about this, and when I asked about it, he made no comments as he shuffled through my chart looking for something about this. So I'll have to go over that with the surgeon.

I'll be glad when the stitches come out, too. But they are still nasty looking with some redness and still sore. I'm getting very impatient with all that. I don't see much different from day to day, but it does seem to be feeling better. Getting in and out of bed is a little easier, as it getting up and down out of chairs, off the toilet, etc. So something is getting better in there. I'll be so glad when I can sleep on my side again. Never thought I could spend a whole night flat on my back!!!!!

For today???? I'll be catching up on some much needed cleaning, laundry, etc. Also, I have some angels to ship out and more to make! It's soooo good to be doing "normal" things again!

Getting Better Every Day!

It seems like ages since my surgery! And I'm getting impatient with this whole thing. Even though I'm feeling better every day, I'm VERY impatient with the fact that I still can't bend over to pick up things, etc. And wouldn't you know, Buster seems to know this and has decided to work on my last nerve by pooping on the floor!!!! What's this all about!!!?????? He was so easy to train as a puppy and NEVER did his business inside! Bottom line is, I can't bend down there to pick it up. Patsy and I make a great cartoon scenerio as we work together --- her on two canes, me stiff like the tin man --- trying to clean up after this horrible dog! It didn't help that he stole my raw chicken wings off the counter, too! It was NOT one of his better days!

Thursday, my sister and I headed back to the surgeon's office for a check on the stitches and drains. My surgeon was away, so his trusty sidekick did the job! I was so glad to get rid of one of the drains anyways. Wish it was both. Being that I didn't know if this job would hurt or not (internet description said "relatively painless", whatever that means!), I braced myself, tightly closed my eyes, stiffened up, and . . . . out came this 4 foot long garden hose of a drain! No wonder my ribs hurt with all that in there!!!!

I was sure the stitches were looking terrible, pulled apart and nasty red. But whenever I think something is trouble, the Dr. always seem to say it's doing wonderful! Red is good! Gray or Black is trouble. Mine is red, so I was good to go!

We asked about the pathology report and he rummaged through my book thick chart to find it. I was disappointed to find out that 5 out of the 15 lymph nodes did show cancer cells. The rest of what he said I didn't understand and will ask my cancer Dr. on Monday to explain it all to me. I hope this doesn't mean another round of that horrible chemo. But. . . . whatever it takes, I guess.

I'm not doing too well with lifting my arm at the shoulder. It just won't go. I don't know if it's too early to expect much or if the severed nerve is to blame for this. More questions for Monday as I will also be seeing the surgeon again.

I'm just so thankful that this phase of the "cure" is behind me! I've been dreading the surgery since June. And I don't make a good patient at all. Even an itch that I can't reach to scratch makes me crabby. I'm tired of laying around all day, too. I tried doing some stitching yesterday, but found that I had to prop up my arm with pillows, etc., in order to get it going. Once I was good to go, I had to pee. Another major ordeal just to get out of the recliner, to the bathroom, down on the toilet, and the worst. . . . back UP again! It's much easier to just stay in the UP position and get lots of things done while I'm up there. I've been told that when you get crabby, impatient, etc., that you are on the way to being well, so I guess I'm just about there!

In the midst of all this, though, I'm just so thankful for so many things! Especially for my wonderful sister who understands it all. The journey through all this is still so fresh and recent in her own mind and she understands the fears, the questions, the Dr.s who beat around the bush, etc. She went through a whole lot more than I did, believe me! We laughed so hard the other day as I tried to get in the car --- stiff, couldn't bend, couldn't get my leg up into the car, etc. She picked up my leg and threw it in for me! It was soooo good to have lunch out after the Dr. visit. It felt so . . . . normal!

Today was Angel Food pick up day. I had ordered and paid for it weeks ago, so it seemed "free" to me! Everything looked so fresh and good and I just can't wait to dive into it all. First on my list for tonight will be the cheese stuffed manicotti. I'll make a meat sauce to go with it and a small salad.

I left out my whole roasting chicken for tomorrow's dinner. It's a biggie, believe me. So that should do for several meals. I'm thinking of digging out my rotisserie to cook it on. Haven't done that in quite a while and sounds so wonderful!

Thank you, all of you, who have been checking in on me, praying for me, and sending me so many kind notes! YOu don't know how much I appreciate each and every one of you and thank the Lord every day that you have come into my life! Your prayers mean everything thing to me and I feel so strengthened because of you! It's been so great to go to each of your blogs, read about your daily lives ----- and I wonder how in the world you remember me and my problems in the midst of what goes on in YOUR lives. I guess that is what is so wonderful about friends! There's always room in the heart of a friend, isn't there????

Quilt of Holes

A dear friend sent this to me today and it was such a wonderful thing to read. So I thought I would pass it on to you!
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Quilt of Holes

As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.

But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tap estries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.

Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painf ully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.

And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was. I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.

Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.

May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!

God determines who walks into your life....it's up t o you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

.....When there is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who sent you this.

Father, God bless all my family and friends in whatever it is that you know they may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen.

Things I Can't Live Without!!!

Here I am, 60 years old, and never really sick in my life, no operations or hospital stays, etc. Nor have I ever really been around people who have been really sickly for long periods of time. . . . until the past few years. First, it was my sister as she went through appendix cancer with all the chemo, radiation, operations, a broken leg, etc. Then, it was my friend with uterine cancer. Now, my turn!

Each experience teaches you a little bit more. But it isn't until YOU yourself are going through it for real that you realize there are LOTS of things no one told you!
So. . . . print this out, and put it in your "In case I have an Operation" file.

#1. Don't bother worrying about the things you think are important. They are not, in comparison to the other stuff that happens afterwards. There is always pain meds, so pain isn't a biggie. That can be controlled. No one told me about the throwing up, etc. So make sure you have a bucket close by. That was the first thing I learned!

#2. No one told me about constipation. I went 6 days without going. I thought I was ok because there was no pain, etc. But let me tell you. . . . . on second thought, it was all unspeakable! Suffice it to say it felt like I finally gave birth to a baby hippo with pain beyond anything I've ever known. My sister up North seemed to find this the most hilarious thing as I sobbed on the phone with her, only because she went through it, too, and knew exactly what was happening. Forget stitches, forget operations, forget chemo, forget everything that you ever thought was bad in your life ---- this topped everything!

#3. Be prepared to sign your life away to whoever breaks for you as you beg and grovel and moan to to get to go to the pharmacy for the cure. I know have a signed contract with my brother in law and owe him my life. Good guy that he is, he brought me the Milk of Magnesia, the Fleet, etc. I can just see him shopping that aisle and checking out, wondering what the cashier was thinking. . . .????!!!!!!!

#4. Find a place in your home to store these things so they are on hand when it's YOUR turn for an operation, etc. They say that the anesthesia, pain meds, etc., are what cause the constipation. Better to have it at home, ready for use, rather than have to sign away your life later on when you, yourself, can't get out!

#5. You will need a grabber! This thing has been a lifesaver for me, as I soon found out that I can only bend to where my hands might touch my knees. That's as far as I go. This handy-dandy grabber is 26" long, and when you sqeeze the handles at the top, the two "grabbers" on the bottom close on whatever you need to pick up and there you have it. Since I am left handed, and the operation was on the left side, I seem to be dropping everything on the floor lately -- like the toilet paper, pain pills, water bottle, towels, soap in the shower --- it's amazing!!!! And here I am, six feet tall, looking waaaaaaaay down there at whatever it is I dropped, knowing it will probably be there for life. The biggest problem is when I drop the grabber!!!!! So. . . . . you need two of these gadgits. One for the emergency to pick up the grabber you just dropped!



This grabber has come in handy, too, when doing laundry. I pulled my wash basket with it, put my wash in the washer with it, pulled stuff out of the washer and put it in the drier with it, etc. Believe me, when you can't bend and feel like the tin man, you find all kinds of uses for this thingy!

I'm sure as I go along, there will be more important things I'll need to warn you about. But for right now, these are two of the most important.

Oh yes! I forgot! Don't talk to people who laugh a lot. Otherwise, you will end up having to be restitched!!!!!

A Good Doctor's Visit!

I was so humbled by all of you who visited last night and left such sweet comments!!!! Thank you for your prayers.

I did make it to the surgeon's office for the check up. The incision is kind of infected and red, so he put me on antibiotics for that. My sister and I told him about the discharge-puking-scenario, and he just couldn't believe it and told me to write the administrator of the hospital and tell them. From his reaction and how he talked to his nurse there, it seems that this is not the first time stuff has happened with his patients. Then, when he saw the dressing around the drain tubes, he asked if I had changed that. I said no!!! I told him that the nurse had very emphatically told me and my sister to NEVER touch that bandage or the tape there. Again, he sighed, and said it would be growing green hair before long if it had not been changed. He was so gentle as he sat on the exam table with me and cut it all away, cleaned it, and rebandaged it all up.

Then, he asked about my shoulder. I thought he meant the part of me that is connected to my upper arm, and I told him that didn't go up and down too well. He shook his head as if he were not concerned about that, and he poked me in the shoulder blade in the back and said, "How about this? Can you move that? Does it hurt or anything???" I began rotating it and moving it up and down and said that it didn't hurt at all. He turned and smiled at my sister and did a big thumbs up and said, "GREAT!" So maybe the arm/shoulder thing won't be as big of a problem as he thought it might be.

I'm glad I got to see him yesterday, as I feel better about the infection being treated, etc. I just pray it goes away and doesn't cause problems.

This was the first time Buster has ever been left alone in the house. I expected to come home to broken windows, ripped up carpet, etc., etc. But it had to come sometime that he would have to be here by himself. I was shocked to walk into the house and find him being such a good little boy, feeling all sorry for himself. So another hurdle is crossed. He's gotten so many "good boy bones" lately that he thinks he's just died and gone to doggie heaven! Anything to keep him quiet and off of me right now!

Here's to hoping today will be better than yesterday!

It's Over!!!!

I can't believe I didn't post anything just before surgery to let you all know exactly when, etc!!!!! I guess my thoughts were just flying from one direction to another. I'm just glad it's all over. Thank you, Lea, and Juri, my sister, for taking up the slack and at least reporting that I'm still alive and kicking!

I panicked when no one called me Tuesday night to tell me what time I was supposed to be there Wednesday morning. They specifically told me that someone would call with the surgery schedule at about 4:30 on Tuesday. By 6:30, no one had called, everything was shut down at the hospital, etc., etc. Finally, sometime after 7:00, Claudia, with a VERY New York accent, called and told me to be there no later than 6:00 am. And you know, of course, I laid in bed waiting for that alarm to go off, as I had to shower with the anti bacterial soap first.

So off we went --- my trusty sister and my brother in law driver took me to door D and in we went. Why is it NOTHING is ever normal for us???? We end up with raised eye brows and supressed giggles all the time. This tiny, little gal with the softest voice ever finally began calling out some names, including mine. Juri hugged me good-by as she was not allowed to come. And off we went down the hall.

Meanwhile, my sister is wondering if that is where they wait for the duration. She went to the window and asked the lady this question. And she got scolded with, "The lady TOLD you she would come back for family later!!!!" Juri said, no she didn't! The lady said, Yes, she did!!!!! Soon, another person asked this same lady the same question, with the same responses!

I was taken to a little room and told to strip and put on a hospital gown. A blood pressure cuff was put on me, and wouldn't you know, my blood pressure was sky high. The nurse kept taking it, but it just stayed up there. My biggest worry for weeks was the bathroom issue, so with every urge, I hopped out of the bed and ran for the bathroom. Of course, being me, I didn't read the sign on the door and walked in on a poor old man. There were no locks on the door!

Soon, my sister arrived and we stared at each other for a while. We were out of things to talk about. Then, it was my turn to go. We said goodby again, and I was wheeled to the pre-op room. This group of nurses, etc., were a VERY happy group. They took my BP again, and it was still high. The nurse said she was going to give me some "La La Land Juice" and did I want to go to Hawaii or the Carribian. I said Hawaii! My Surgeon came in, began writing with a magic marker on my arm, and then had an argument with the nurse who said she couldn't read his initials he had just scribbled on me. So he redid them again. By this time, it all looked like a cultish tatoo. Soon, I was wheeled into the operating room. Another tiny, little old lady said, "Hello, I'm Molly, and I'll be withouth throughout this whole thing!." She began to push on my neck, but in a few seconds, I was gone off to Hawaii, I guess, because that was the last I remembered. . . . until. . . .

The recovery room!!!! Someone was yelling my name. I woke up screaming in pain. Someone behind me asked how bad the pain was on a scale of 1 to 10. I yelled 20!!!!!
In a few seconds, I was out again, then woke up painless in my room.

My sister came in, said all went well, and I think I went back to sleep. Next thing I knew, a tray full of different liquids was in front of me. Broth, sherbet, orange juice, tea, etc., etc. I was thirsty, so managed some of that. A little later, they came with pain pills. I took those, and went back to sleep. When I woke up, I was dizzy and HOT! Off came the blankets. Then cold. On with the blankets!

It was all down hill after that. The pain pills did NOT agree with me, and I was getting sick to my stomach as Thursday came on. Trouble is, I had already seen my surgeon and told him I was fine and wanted to go home, and he signed the discharge papers. And this crazy nurse kept wanting me to eat. Have you ever been sick as a dog and someone stick rubber chicken and spinach souffle under your nose????? NOT a good thing! And I'm not a good thrower upper! Lots of noise, moaning, groaning, etc. You would think an elephant was dying in the room!

Finally, I had had enough, struggled to get my clothing on, and a very irritated nurse got a guy with a wheel chair to wheel me out. What a picture! There I was with my puke bucket as he wheeled me down to the car. But I just wanted home, my own bed, and let me die in peace without the smell of chicken and spinach in my nose!

I did much better at home!

The only thing that was a little of a disappointment was the findings of the surgeon. Under my arm, he found a mass that he said was "most assuredly" cancerous, but it had entangled itself around the nerve to the shoulder and he had to cut the nerve to get it out. So I guess I will have trouble with the shoulder the rest of my life. I am thankful he found it and got it out, though.

So I have been home since Thursday afternoon. First few days were difficult, as I felt dizzy, sore, and struggled with things like. . . how to get up and down off the toilet, how to get in and out of bed, how to reach for stuff when you are strapped up in an ace bandage, etc.

Today is the best so far. In fact, it's noon, and I haven't had a pain pill since about 4:00 am. I've done some laundry, washed myself up, emptied drains, walked outside with Buster, and tried to do some normal stuff. I'm just glad each day seems to be a little better than the one before.

The surgeon wanted to see me in a week after the surgery, but today was the only day he was seeing patients in the office, so I'm going to somehow try to get there. I'd rather be checked out early and know everything looks ok than wait and have something go wrong. My trusty sister is going with me again! Ya just gotta love her, don't ya???!!!!!

Thanks to all of you for all your prayers! I think I was thinking of all of you just before I conked out for surgery. I had such a thankful heart for all of you! Who would have known a year ago when I started blogging that all of this was in store for me. . . . and that all of YOU would be there to support and pray for me???? God is so Good!!!!!

Fried Rice Anyone???

I don't know why, but I had this terrible urge for fried rice lately. I used to make it all the time years ago, but haven't done it in ages. Don't know why -- just never thought about it, I guess. I had a lot of "this and that" in the fridge, so decided I'd throw it all together to make my own. That's what's great about fried rice -- you can use all those little bits of left over veggies and meat that really aren't enough to serve as is. Once you get the hang of it, you'll be making it A LOT, I guarantee it! You just can't go wrong!


Ingredients
4 cups cooked rice (I cooked mine in chicken broth)
1 tablespoon butter or margarine
3 eggs, beaten
2 tablespoon butter or margarine (I used olive oil)
1/2 cup chopped onion
1/2 cup chopped green and/or red pepper (optional)
4 cups rice, prepared and cooled
1/2 cup shredded carrots (optional)
1/2 cup shredded lettus (optional)
1 cup cooked chicken (optional)
soy sauce
1 cup cooked peas (optional)

Directions

1 Melt 1 tablespoon butter in skillet or wok.
2 Scramble eggs in butter, breaking up the cooked eggs into small pieces.
3 Set aside.
4 Melt 1 tablespoon butter in skillet or wok.
5 Saute onions and/or green peppers in butter for 3 minutes.
6 Combine eggs, onions, rice, and meat, carrots, etc.
7 Stir in soy sauce until color of rice is uniform.
8 Stir in peas.
9 Toss and turn until everything is heated well.

It Won't Rain Always!!!!

I have found so many bloggers who have either walked the path of breast cancer or are now walking it with me! This meant so much to me, and I want to pass it on to anyone who may be going through hard times right now.

Be sure to turn off my music at the bottom of this page first!