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Thursday, July 3, 2008

Is there A Hero Inside of ME?????

Sometimes a song comes along that just seems to pull you up by the suspenders, gives you a good slap on the back, and a tight squeeze and a hug -- and it makes you look inside of you again and. . . . . sure enough, there is a HERO inside there somewhere!!!!

I sat in the waiting room and felt like maybe this was just Heaven's waiting room. LOTS of VERY sickly, sad, and depressing looking people, just waiting to hear their name called, and then then disappeared behind big doors. Maybe Heaven was back there somewhere, just a few steps away.. . . and then MY name was called! As I passed through that big door, I knew for sure it couldn't be Heaven, believe me. But I did see these sad, sickly, depressing people differently --- they were heroes --- every one of them -- as they sat in those recliners getting their chemo treatments. They certainly found heroes inside of themselves as they came back day after day, week after week. . . . fighting, hoping for just another win in this awful battle!

Today was NOT one of my best days in my life. Maybe emotionally, it was the worst. No. . . . I didn't break down, I wasn't really nervous, nor did I cry. I say it was emotionally my worst day ever because I can't seem to work up ANY emotions at all. I'm wondering if I'm even normal. The Dr. sat there staring at my face waiting for reactions, I guess, and I just had NONE!

I don't know much more than I did the other day --- only more of a confirmation that my worst fears are right. He did say, "most definitely you have advanced cancer, I don't need a biopsy to tell me that!". When I asked was I in big trouble, he did say, "Yes, you are in big trouble here." And when I asked, "Now what?" He said, "I don't know yet what I'm going to do with you."

He poked, prodded, pushed squeezed until I was sure the whole tumor would probably pop out into his hands. That was bad enough, but when he started under my arms, I thought I would die!

He did say that my lungs sounded fine to him, that the other Dr. must have had wax in his ears! That was the only good thing I heard all day.

What's next? The biopsy on Tuesday WITH the added pleasure of having a port put in while I'm under for chemo down the road. Also, CT scans, bone scans, etc., because he wants to know where this has all spread to. And the biopsy will tell him what KIND of cancer we are dealing with.

So that's that!

Years and years ago, I used to go with my Dad to see my grandmother. She was in her 90's at the time, suffering from arthritis so badly, but just as sweet and loving as a woman could ever be. There was such sadness in her eyes as the love of her life had gone home to Glory some years before. Before we would leave her, she would always ask my dad to please sit at the old organ and play her hymn. And to this day, I can't help but get that huge lump in my throat as I can still hear my Dad and grandmother singing "Be not dismayed what e'er betide, God will take care of you." My Dad with his rich base voice, my grandmother with her still sweet alto voice singing in Dutch --- somehow I just know they are still singing together in Heaven.

You just never forget those old hymns, do you?

Be not dismayed whate’er betide,
God will take care of you;
Beneath His wings of love abide,
God will take care of you.

God will take care of you,
Through every day, over all the way;
He will take care of you,
God will take care of you.

Through days of toil when heart doth fail,
God will take care of you;
When dangers fierce your path assail,
God will take care of you.

All you may need He will provide,
God will take care of you;
Nothing you ask will be denied,
God will take care of you.

No matter what may be the test,
God will take care of you;
Lean, weary one, upon His breast,
God will take care of you.

I can tell you this much. . . there would be no hero in me were it not for my absolute faith in a Sovereign God who has everything in His control. Who can help but be a warrior and a hero when HE ALONE is in charge of the battle in front of you?
So many of you have walked this road and have told me your stories and you are my heros. Thank you for your encouragement, for pushing a warrior's sword in my hands, and giving me the confidence that YES! I can fight!

And thank you, my dear, dear sister, Juri, for fighting your battle, for being my hero, for sticking to it to the very end and winning, and for being willing to walk with me into that same battlefield!!! How can I ever thank you???

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For these things, I thank you, Lord:
62. All the heros that have won before me!
63. My sister, Juri, who can laugh, cry, hold me up -- all at the same time!
64. Loving friends and neighbors who pray for me.
65. Old hymns and new ones that say what the heart wants to say.
66. Cool, refreshing breezes and a gentle rain this evening!
67. Peach Ice Tea, a rocking chair on my porch, a dog at my feet, and a mockingbird who just doesn't stop singing, in spite of the thunder and the rain!

37 comments:

Deborah said...

Cora...I've never been where you are, so I it's hard to find the right words to say....so I just want you to know that I'm praying for you, and hope that in some way I can be an encouragement to you through this trial.

Toni said...

Cora,
I`ll be praying for wisdom for the doctors as they decide the best way to treat you.I`ll also be praying for physical strength and spiritual strength for you!God uses every trial for His own purpose:)
I thought of you today as we went to see some homes with the realtor found another house today that we just love.Guess what I found on the side?A tiny birds nest with baby birds inside!I knew you must of been praying for us when I saw that!!
If you ever want to talk or anything,just e-mail me!!Love,Toni

Gettysburg Homestead said...

Cora... I am saying extra prayers for you and the doctors. One of my old neighbors is going through breast cancer treatment right now. I didn't know until we went to her sons wedding. She is doing great as I am sure you will too.

P.S. What a beautiful chocolate lab you have. My black lab was the same way and right now is laying at my feet as I type to you. Tell him how you feel he'll be the best listener you have ever had.

Mary

Wanita said...

Cora, That hymn is such a beautiful reminder that God takes care of us, and I'm so glad He brought it to mind for you.

You continue to be in my prayers, sweet bloggy friend (your sister, too). May His peace and strength sustain you always.

Wendy said...

God Bless You Cora, I am still lifting you up. You are a hero!!! You have more strength and courage to fight this battle then you know!! If GOD is for YOU then who can be against YOU....Take it one day at a time.~Wendy

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Cora,there is a hero in you, I know the Lord holds and carries you in the palm of his hands, I know he carried me through my treatments and he contiues to carry me. I remember just being able to snuggle ever so closely to him and feel his presence near me, his presence of peace and hope.I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds my tomorrows. He holds you and will never leave you nor forsake you. I will keep you in my prayer journal, Keep the faith and never lose hope.

Aloha

Renna said...

Cora, I'm struggling with words tonight, but just know that I continue to pray for you.

Ruthie said...

Cora, With God nothing is impossible. And we know that you are in God's loving hands and He will carry you through this trial. Just know we love you and are praying for you - for peace, strength, and healing - all in God's timing.
We have a great grandson who was born very prematurely, with only 1/10th of 1% of one kidney working. He was sent home on hospice. With prayers and love, he started growing and thriving. He is now going to be 3 yrs. this month - having kidney dialysis every day - but getting a kidney transplant in August. So God can definately overule in all our circumstances.
Keep singing those wonderful hymns.
Hugs.

Lea of Farmhouse*Blessings said...

Cora, you've been my hero since I first met you ~ and you still are! I'm here praying always.

Love & hugs,
Lea

2 Much Farm Primitives said...

Cora, I agree with Lea. You've been my hero ever since we first "met". I really don't know quite what to say, other than the Master Physician is treating your case....and HE hasn't lost one yet :)

You take care girl.
Love ya,
Vic

Pam said...

Cora, you are a hero.
And Vic said what I was thinking: the Great Physician is with you and will continue to be with you.

I love that hymn, Cora- I remember singing it in church as a child, and I sing it sometimes when I am alone and frightened by something.

You are in my prayers- and will continue to be.
Hugs,
Pam

Primgal55 said...

Oh Cora, How can you begin to know or what to think when faced with such news. I wish it were better.

I want to tell you about ChemoAngels, an organization I have been involved in for several years. We are a non profit organization run by volunteers like me, and you can sign up to receive 2 Angels who will send you cards and uplifting messages every week while you are battling this beast. Your only obligation would be to answer one email a month from Administration reporting on where you are at and if your Angels are doing OK. I can tell you more about that or any other questions if you are interested.
Feel free to email me at cardmakinangel55@aol.com and/or check it out at www.chemoangels.com.

Keeping you in my prayers, hugs, Linda

Juri said...

Cora...we all struggle to find the right words when our loved ones are going through the valleys in life, but there really are no "right words" are there? Perhaps just that I love you, I am praying for you, and I will be there with you, come what may....that is all I can say. Life just goes on and we just do the next thing....one breath at a time. Cor, I remember Dad singing that hymn....he would be so proud of you right now!!!!

Love you,

Jur

Velvia said...

Hi Cora!
I found your site through Deborah at Lyric Devotions, I just want you to know I'll be lifting you in prayer.
Love, Velvia

Dani said...

Cora..you are in my thoughts and prayers every day...you are so loved and you are my hero....

Judy's Vintage Collections said...

Cora, what seems now longago my mother-in-law give me the most beautiful framed piece of art...it was about families and quilts...She got it in Galveston,Tx (maybe 12-13 years ago?) at maybe a craft fair.. and it still hangs in my living room...the first time I saw you on ebay (I love your art)...I knew this was your art work...but until this week did I take a look on the back and there was Country Patches and your name...I don't remember how I found your uplifting blog...I said then I know her! Why I had never look on the back until this week... I don't know...maybe it was because at the time it was given to me my sweet lovely husband was battling for his life with cancer..NHL...and he won his battle and won his race!
on Oct 15, 2001..right after 9/11...I know now why I have always been so touched by this saying in this piece of art work...I know this is kind-a-long...I guess I could of email you! But wanted you know I have you in my heart list of prayers...my shield of faith is held high for you, Cora!
from the heart of Texas!
afriendtoyou!
Judy

*Linda Pinda* said...

Cora...
You have been a hero to so many of us for so long now... way before you even knew you were entering into this battle.

You have given so many of us the strength we have needed along our journey and now our "army" of prayers are going out for you.

You are our HERO.

Much Love & Prayers... *Linda*

Kay said...

Dear Cora - you are a hero! In the midst of your struggles you are still encouraging others. God is walking beside you and so are all of us as we lift your name in prayer. I'm praying for the doctors to have the wisdom to know the best treatment for you.

Much love,
Kay

zzop357 said...

Keep on fighting Cora!!! I know you will, not just for you but for your sister too.
I too have walked this path,I didn't like it and it hurts.But walk it I will. I had a Mom and Dad and Aunt walk the path and have gone on. My husband had cancer too and he made it.Never lose hope or your love of God. Sometimes we win.
God bless you and your sister.
Donna

Debra said...

Dear Cora,
Today in church, I raised my hand for prayer for you. Guess who sat directly infront of me? This is amazing, now that I think of it. The whole row was empty and she sat right infront of me! This HAS to be a sign! It was my friend, who has had cancer not once, but twice! She won!! She has a heart for God like you, and SweetAnnee, and so many of these ladies who have been through it-like Juri...the list could go on and on. So my prayers were added to those of my church, and God was THERE. He puts our tears in His precious bottle. What a lovely perfume that bottle holds. I love you. Debra

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Cora,
Thank you for your visit and kind words of encouragement. I know the Lord lead me to your blog, when I saw your scripture of Isaiah 45:3 about the hidden riches in secret places. you see I remember reading this scripture during the darkest times in my life facing an illness that which I had no control over. I began to seek the Lord in those hidden and secret places and ended up having the most intimate journey I could ever imagine, and I still do today. Keep seeking him him my sister he hears your soul cries in the midnight hours and holds you ever so closely.
Hugz Lorie

This Country Girl said...

Cora,

I am still praying for you. I don't even know how people face such things without God, without faith....you are definitely a woman of faith!

My mom had breast cancer and went through treatments 3 summers ago and is doing great.

Thank the Lord for Juri...I'm so glad you have her. What a blessing.

~ Tammy ~

YD's a little bit of everything place said...

Cora, I can only imagine how you feel about all this...
I am not a religous person but I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts.

Lelia Chealey said...

Cora,
Wow!! I'm floored you'd take the time to leave me a comment of encouragement and prayer for my daughter in the midst of your own trial! I can't WAIT to see what God has planned here. Trust in Him Cora, He has such greatness planned for your life!!
Will be praying for you!
Blessings,
Lelia
Jeremiah 32:17!!!

Susan said...

To my dearest Cora,

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get to your blog! I really appreciate you dropping by the other day.

I'm sitting here in shock reading this news. I'm just soooooooo sorry.

Please know you can count me in to be one of your prayer warriors in your battle.

The song is perfect, and it is about YOU!!

Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Let us be here for you~

Susan

Charity said...

Dearest Cora, I thought of you today and decided to check in to see what you were up to... Never did I expect to see this. :( :( :( I am sooooo sorry, dear sister. I wish I had some magic words here. I will be praying for you. I'm adding your name to my prayer list and Bible journal so I will be sure to be faithful. And I will check in here often to see what else might be done. May God give you strength for what lies ahead. Know that He will be with you every step of the way. Hugs to you!

Charity

Edie said...

Cora - I just want to say that I am praying for you sister, along with all of these others. Just last night God made me realize that Isaiah 45:3 was my life verse. There are many others that I love but I have never had a life verse before. When I saw the name of your blog I knew where it came from and had to come over and visit.
Now I would like to remind you of one to meditate on. This was the first scripture in my now long list of favs.
"Fear thou not for I am with thee, be not afraid, for I am thy GOD. I will strengthen thee, yea, I will help thee. I will uphold thee with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

Tomatoe Creek Prims said...

Cora...just wanted you to know that I'm still praying for you! Stop over for a visit to see my "Buster"!

Love Rondell

Nancy said...

Your story brings tears to my eyes as I reflect back a couple of years ago as I stood beside my mother as she was told the same thing. I plan to bookmark your blog and check it regularly.

You are in my prayers. Please keep us all posted. May the Lord bless you and keep you close to His heart dear sister.

In His precious and Holy Name!
Nancy

plain*worker*primitives said...

Cora,
This is my first visit to your blog, I am so glad I did. Please know that I am lifting you up in my prayers to our Lord God.

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower
Psalm 18:2

Melissa

Shanda said...

On my knees praying for you Cora, I promise to send up a prayer for you with every quite moment in my days to come. Even if just for a second or or a single moment, i'll say a prayer for you. Keep strong, and you are having an emotion, its called numbing emotion. It's your very own beautiful body taking care of you right now. It knows whats best for you sometimes. It has numbed you to keep you calm and let you consentrate and aborsb all this. God is taking care of you and using you. He has chosen you to do some special work for him, this will all prove to be in his glory in the end. "We may not know what it is in this life, but we shall be told of it in the next". I truly believe this. My love and prayers to you,
Shan

KayB said...

Dear Cora, you are in my daily prayers. I know the Lord is holding your hand. You have a song to sing and the Lord will be both the words and the melody. He will touch all who hear (and they WILL hear). May He comfort you and carry you through each day, dear sister in Christ.
Warm hugs in Jesus,
KayB

Nancy M. said...

I love the old hymns too. God will be with you and we all we be praying for you!

Deb said...

Hi Cora, how are you?. I stopped by the other day and read your post, you may have seen me on your tracker but I left no comment I just sat and stared at your words then I left. I'm back to say that I believe in God, and I believe in you. I believe you do have a hero in yourself, and it's the Lord. In my reading today the Lord gave me this scripture it is 2 Corintians 12:9-10 and it reads...

And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness " Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties,for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

My heart is overflowing with thoughts of you. Deb

Ruthie said...

Just to let you know I'm still praying for you as you are going through these days of multitudes of tests etc. Keep looking up (as my Dad would say) and praying the Lord will give you His peace every day.
Blessings.

Lori said...

Fight, girl, fight! I know of two people in the last month that's lumps have disappeared. Praise God! I'm praying the same happens for you!

CathyJean said...

Dear Cora,
I can't find words to express my feelings. Please just know that I am praying for you, my dear friend!
Hugz,
Cathy