A Laughing Matter!!!!

Those who know me really well know that I'm not a laugher! I'm hardly a smiler! Sometimes my shoulders go up and down, and I appreciate a good joke and having a good time. But the belly-buster laughter that some people enjoy was just never my gift.

But today was different. I must say, this will sound so odd and so out of place and almost . . . . . disrespectful in some sense of the word, but today was one of the funniest days, and I laughed til I cried.

As you know, I was scared to death of this visit back to the surgeon who did the biopsy. Not that I didn't already know the diagnosis -- from the very first doctor visit two months go I was told that it was cancer and that the biopsy was a protocol procedure to tell them what KIND of cancer it was. My fear was that he would TOUCH the Black and Decker sized hole he made while doing the biopsy!!!! It was so big and so large and so tender that I just didn't want him pushing and poking around in there. But I DID want him to fix it -- just don't TOUCH it!

Was I in for a surprise!!!!!

My sister was my valiant hero today, marching in there with with with notebook and pen, ready to write down EVERYTHING this guy said about the diagnosis, treatment plan, surgery plan, etc., etc., etc. We were sure the mastectomy would be right around the corner, and that once he saw the mess he had made, he'd want to do it today, if not sooner! Juri was already trying to figure out if she could drive my car home if I had to go straight to the hospital -- it looked that bad to us.

OK!!!. . . . . I strip down to my waist, put that little scrap of paper on that is totally useless, as it covers NOTHING, and in comes Mr. Surgeon. He takes a look at the port side, does a little poke and says I'm good to go, that everything is working good (how would he know that?). Juri pipes up and asks what the stitches were for in my neck. (We had a "pinkie swear" agreement that we would not look at each other when she asked as we had already laughed til we cried over this.) You see, she had asked me about it the day of the surgery, and all I could tell her was that he walked by my recovery room bed and put his hand up to his neck and made a jesture that made me wonder if he had put the port in my NECK instead of my chest!!!!! I was too groggy and numb at the time to even care. But every time I mentioned to my sister that this was all I knew (and I did the hand gesture) she would just crack up!

So, now he explains that I have "very bad veins" in his Indian accent, and that he had to put it on that side. And instead of taking the chance of nicking my lung by digging for "the deep vein", he put it up in my neck. So I'm "good to go!"

And he thought, that's that, and was ready to leave the room.

Again, sister, with pen and notebook in hand, pipes up and says, "Dr., what actually was the diagnosis from the biospy?" And this Dr. Surgeon stretches out both hands and says, "It's CANCER! We already knew that -- it's CANCER!" It was such an emphatic answer that you didn't DARE ask another question. So she shut up!

And then I piped up and said, "How about this hole in my other breast?"

He said, "What hole?"

I said, "The hole that looks like you used a Black and Decker drill bit to do the biopsy!"

I showed him, and he said in his Indian accent, "That is not MY hole!" "And ma'am, I didn't use a drill, it was just a thin wire, and I did it way over here!" (pointing about 1 1/2 inches to the left of this hole!

Something about it was making everyone in the room laugh. It was just too funny. He wouldn't quit about this hole not being his and that I needed to get care for it somewhere else.

And he left the room and we were all done.

I got dressed, and it's a good thing my sister was silent because I just knew we would start and wouldn't be able to stop.

We got to the car, and I said, I KNOW NOTHING! I know no more than I did two months ago. And now I have a huge hole in my breast with no one to take care of it, no one wants to take ownership of it, and I get no surgery as they want to do chemo first. By cracky, I want this thing off!!!!

And so we decided to go shopping. Food shopping, that is. I thought it would help my diet a lot. I came home with a cheese danish, 3 cans of cheese dorito cruchies, tapioca pudding, potato chips and queso dip, and anything else I thought would make good, healthy eating!!!!

I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be somber, prayerful, scared, crying, etc. But today????? I'm just NOT! Everyone I have had to talk to today has laughed so hard with me, apologized for laughing, and has just gone along with it.

So the waiting begins. I'm waiting til tomorrow to get this hole checked out by a Dr. I was referred to. I'm waiting to hear from the Cancer center as to what the next step is in starting chemo.

Sorry I don't have more news for all of you who have been praying for me. But from what others have told me, this is not unusual or odd. It was for me, though. I'm just so thankful for this blog and a whole bunch of friends who will read this and wonder if I've fallen off the deep end. If I did, I'll pick myself up tomorrow and get on with business as usual I'm sure!

Thanks for listening tonight to my ranting and ravings!!!!