My sister, Juri, posted this picture recently on her blog and I just loved it! It is a picture that looks down our driveway to the back of our property, and just kind of gets lost in the distance. I don't walk that road very often anymore -- I get too tired. But I always loved all the wild flowers, trees, and birds that are back there.
Today as I looked at that picture, I thought of my own journey as I progress down the road with Breast Cancer. I feel as though I'm standing where Juri took that picture -- just a little ways off the main road --- and staring down a pathway that just seems to have no end to it.
I don't mean to sound discouraged or down. In fact, today is the day I'm wearing my big, happy face. It's just that the oncologist today reminded me that we are just starting this journey. What a thought!!!!! It's been 4 months since I saw the very first doctor, been through all kinds of tests, biopsies, scans, and 3 chemo treatments already and we are just starting?????? That's one long walk down that driveway yet, believe me!!!!
But the good news???? The doc was ECSTATIC with the progress of the tumor. In fact, his exact words were, "There is very little tumor left!" Now, you have to understand that this doc is not Mr. Happy, cheer you up, make you feel good, kind of guy. But today, you would have thought he won the lottery!!!!! And for some reason, I was having trouble getting into it with him.
When he saw the tumor site ("the hole" as I like to call it) he was just thrilled with it. Here I'm thinking all week that it is getting so horrid looking, with lumps and bumps, and getting what seemed even larger. He said, "NO, NO!!!! That is all new tissue growing in there as the tumor is dying. There's just a little tumor left around the edges and that will fall away and form all new tissue just like what's inside there." So this new tissue is what we want and it will eventually fill this hole.
His word of encouragement was that we are just starting this journey, and look how good it is working already. He has no doubt that we are going to beat this at this rate.
So. . . . Needless to say, my sister and I left that place with light hearts and hungry stomachs!!!! We shopped at Joann's for a while, then ended up at Bob Evans for one of those mountain high stacked Philly Steak and Cheese stacks!!!!! That's the most food I've eaten in weeks and weeks, but was it ever good!!!!!
It's taken a few hours for this good news to settle in and to make myself realize that the misery of the chemo treatments is only for a little while. It does take good news like this to put up with the tired, achey bones, the pounding heart, the tasteless tongue, the burning pee, the acid stomachs, and the feeling like you were just run over by an 18 wheeler. Suddenly, the hole in the breast is a GOOD thing instead of a BAD thing, and I pull myself up ready to go another round!
Maybe in a few weeks, we'll take another picture of that driveway, and it will be a few more steps down the way towards the end of this journey.
All day today for some reason, this old, old hymn has been going through my mind. Another one of those that it seems I've known since I was in the cradle!!!!! I looked all over for the music for you to hear as you read the words -- but couldn't find it to put on my list! The best I could do is this video, so if you want to sing along, stop the music at the bottom of my blog and listen and sing along!!!! That very last line to the last verse has always, always caused me to stop and think: "Those who trust Him wholly, find Him wholly true." I don't know how trusting I've been. . .nor have thought of myself much worthy of His healing and answers to my prayers. . . and at times I've thought that at best, I got what I deserved!!!!! But you know, He is so gracious, so forgiving, holds me in the hollow of His hands and looks at this poor soul with so much love. . . .in spite of my lack of trust! And believe me, He is trustworthy!!!!!
Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace,
Over all victorious, in its bright increase;
Perfect, yet it floweth, fuller every day,
Perfect, yet it groweth, deeper all the way.
Stayed upon Jehovah, hearts are fully blest
Finding, as He promised, perfect peace and rest.
Hidden in the hollow of His blessed hand,
Never foe can follow, never traitor stand;
Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care,
Not a blast of hurry touch the spirit there.
Every joy or trial falleth from above,
Traced upon our dial by the Sun of Love;
We may trust Him fully all for us to do.
They who trust Him wholly find Him wholly true.
Scans and surgery and Dream. State.
23 hours ago