A Hard Week!

I'm really wondering about this whole chemo thing! In four days, I'm supposed to go back for chemo treatment #5, and right now, with the way I feel, I don't think it's possible. I have never been so tired and out of strength as I have been this week! I just can't do anything without feeling that I've been moving mountains. And this new thing with going totally breathless and gasping for air --- where's this coming from now???? This is a new "side affect" or whatever! Scarey, too! Seems like even taking a shower now is a great big event in my life, wondering if I'll drop to the floor.

After the last "attack" of breathlessness, I called the Dr. and he told me to go to the Emergency Room and get an EKG. It just seemed a little odd, as it had passed, I wasn't in any distress at the moment, breathing fine, etc. I know when I go on Wednesday, he will be totally irritated with me because I didn't go, slam my chart shut, and send me across the street to the hospital for the EKG. That's fine. I'll do that!

I really HATE this "sick, but not sick", tired, feeling lazy all the time. Can't go anywhere, feel crabby and cooped up, wondering if I carry the laundry basket will I keel over with a heart attack. I feel like "it's all about ME" constantly! My blog is going to pot because I can't think of one other thing to write about. I go nowhere, and when I talk to anyone, again, "it's all about ME!"

I made a decision!!!! Tomorrow, no matter how I feel, I'm getting in the car, going to Arby's, and bringing home a BIG sack of those delicious corned beef Rueben sandwiches and just pig out! I'm tired of Cream of Wheat, chicken noodle soup, pudding cups, etc. And if I live through that, I want a pizza! And Tuesday night before chemo day, I'm having the biggest, juciest steak I can find! It might be my last supper, but it's going to be a good one!!!!