Saturday, August 23, 2008

Time Just Flies!!!! And so Does Hair!!!!

In some ways, it's been such a long week. It seems like ages since I posted last. Yet, here it is Saturday, and this storm is still hanging over our heads -- literally!
It's been cloudy and windy all week, but right here where we are, we've have not gotten the massive amounts of rain that others have gotten. Last night we got a good shower again, enough to make the grass grow another foot high. Will it ever dry out enough to mow????? Hay balers look like an option again! Or maybe my sister's goats could take care of it!

It's been a roller coaster week. Lots of ups and downs with how I feel -- some days just great and getting things done, and other days feeling like I'm 80 years old, needing lots of TLC and rest. I can't believe I have to go back this coming Wednesday for another chemo treatment on top of how I feel now. After a few of these treatments, I can't imagine scraping myself up off the floor to go back again. At least this time I'll know what to expect and prepare for those 18 wheelers that slammed into me this first time.

My hair is falling out by the handfuls. But you'd hardly know it because I had the thickest, fullest head of hair anyways. My sister hates the fact that I have to lose my hair. She said it's just the added "insult upon injury" to have to have cancer, go through all this horrible treatment, and then have to display to all the world a bald head, announcing in the ugliest way that you have cancer. I am prepared with my hats, though, and think they look pretty neat, even if I have to say so myself. The "nice" effect of the chemo (if there can be such a thing!)? No more facial hair, and some little "wart" looking things fell off my forehead! My face feels like baby skin, all nice and smooth! Not sure if I'll lose my eyebrows. I've never been good at drawing those on. One always looks different from the other. I may have to hire help with that one!

I have had a few deep, sobering thoughts lately. I guess I should stay off some of the breast cancer websites -- especially the ones that give the prognosis of the different stages of cancer. When I looked up mine, it said, "54% five year survival rate." Kind of sounds like, "you might make it or you might not!" Seems like a whole lot of misery to go through for that, but what are the options???? And of course, I hear from all these wonderful, well-meaning people who HAVE made it and beat this thing, and it is encouraging. But. . . . the other 46% are NOT here to tell me they didn't make it, right?????

I know you will tell me NOT to go there with my thoughts, to keep my hopes and my spirits high, to have faith, to pray, and to have a positive attitude about beating this thing. I guess I'm a realist and like to know what I'm up against here. I'm not discouraged. . . . yet! In fact, It does seem that there is some shrinkage in the size of the tumor already. At least on my own exam I can feel that. But since the infamous "hole" that has formed at the tumor site keeps getting larger and larger, and deeper and deeper, it's a little hard to tell. We'll see after this next treatment.

I'll just be so happy to get that mastectomy and get rid of this thing. I was disappointed that this was not done first, but I understand why they did not do it. I just hate dealing with it day after day like this. It seems like it will be forever into the future before that is done.

And I said at the beginning, "Time flies" ?????? Maybe it will.

I hope we see some sun today. Never thought I would say that in the middle of a HOT Florida August summer. But I'm suffering from "sun deficit!"

Remember that old 50's song, "Open up your heart and let the sunshine in!"


LindaSueBuhl said...

Having gone through a different kind of cancer treatment with a family member - I will definitely NOT say don't think about the whole range of possibilities. Be careful of your spirit but it would be stupid (and you are definitely NOT a stupid person) to pretend this isn't a very serious disease. We don't know whether we will be healed this side of heaven or not - but we do know who is in charge of our lives and that is reassuring. About the hair issue - sounds like you have a good grasp of the situation - your sense of humor can get past a lot of things. Bless you gal - you have a huge amount with which to deal right now just like eating an elephant - do one bite at a time!

Patty H. said...

I have not gone thru any kind of cancer or even had any one close to me who has, so I can't really say I understand how you are feeling. I'm sorry that you are having to go thru this.
I can understand wanting to know all the "details" good or bad, as I'm facing soem surgery in Sept. I want to know what to expect, etc. Sometimes tho, it's just too much.

Juri said...

Ah, Cor...I do know where you are coming from! No one wants to feel lousy, lose their hair, worry about the end results of all this discomfort, and no one goes through it without some moments of sadness or wishful thinking! We just do the best we can, moment by moment, breath by breath, and leave the rest with the Lord. We got one treatment behind us and we will get through the next one! And, you quoted me correctly...adding insult to injury with the loss of hair!!! I resent the fact that you have to go through all this and, on top of it, go bald! For goodness sake, it just isn't fair! Laughing, though, about the eyebrows...I never could do that either, I would end up with that permanently perplexed look...both eyebrows up too high!

Love ya, Cor...


papel1 said...

Cora, I look forward to your posts even with the kind of news you have. If you choose not to wear a hat, you can wear a wig or just go with the bald look. You have a great sense of humor and your blog will be a journal recording your experiences. Thanks for always visiting my blog.

This simple Life said...

Go bald and go proud!
My best friend lost all her hair and it bothered me more then it did her.
I wanted to make her all better.

You go and get yourself some really fancy hats and wear them everywhere, people will think you're just being fashionable.

Bug prim hugs, Ann

Linda said...

Yes, one bite at a time sounds like a good way to tackle it but you have to tackle however it works best for you! It does seem like adding insult to injury to loose your hair too but you sound prepared.

On the bright side I am glad you let us know you made it through Fay pretty well. That's a blessing!

PianoPlayer said...

I'm sorry, dear friend, that you feel so bad. I have no words of wisdom, just assurance of our love for you.

Toni said...

You have such a great sence of humor! You always seem to make me smile even in the worst of circumstances.
I`m sorry you are losing your hair and are feeling sick. I`ll continue to pray for you. Glad to hear you made it through the storm ! God bless,Toni

Sugarplum Cottage said...

Haven't been on in a while, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and luv ya. Just think of all the hats you can wear. Shall continue praying for you. RoseMarie

SweetAnnee said...

Oh Cora my hair was so thick too..and finally I just couldn't take the masses of hair everywhere anymore..
I loved not shaving my legs..
My eyebrows and lashes stayed until the end of my chemo..and then POOF

Now it's starting to grow back..I wonder if folks think I have a ROCKSTAR hair cut!!

don't go there with stats..It's okay to look, I did, but know it really has nothing to do with YOU!!
it's just stats..

Love and prayers..Deena

Mary Isabella said...

I found you by way of another. I want you to know I am praying for you and that your sweet attitude is so uplifting and wonderful. You are a blessing to anyone going through this. I wish you a BEAUTIFUL week!!!!!!m.

nancy huggins said...

Time does fly some times Cora and you will look back one day and myabe be glad it did. I know how you feel even though I have never had Cancer. I haven't heard much from you and understand that also. I don't even know if you got my emails and I haven't seen you comment in my blog. Time will pass Cora and you will be back to helping all the ones in your life that needed you then..I miss your emails and miss you in the group. Get well soon Cora..and give a big hug to my buddy "Buster" to...I'm sure he is worried about you and understands all your pain and wants you to get better.

Char5 said...

Time does fly, dear Cora. I hve been so busy with life around here that I have not taken time to stop by and say "hello" for a while. I am sad to hear that your beautiful hair is falling out, but I will tell you that I had a friend about 14 years ago that was going through the same type of thing that you are now and when her hair came back it was even thicker and had more waves than before her chemo. You are in my prayers daily.
Love in Christ,
Charlotte in WV

Shabby Olde Potting Shed said...

I love you Cora, WITH OR WITHOUT HAIR!
YOU are my SONshine!
Eagle wings, and crumbcake!

Kay said...

Cora - you are so brave! I've not had cancer treatments but know lots of people who have. My cousin had breast cancer and lost all her hair. She got a free wig through the American Cancer Society. Personally, I could not do the wig thing. Scarves, hats, and a beautiful bald head would be my thing. You go girl!!

Sugarplum Cottage said...

Just wanted to drop by and letyou know I just awarded you the smile award. Your trully worthy of it and let it remind you to smile no matter what your going through. Luv ya, RoseMarie

Lea of Farmhouse Blessings said...

I, too, am a realist Cora. But statistics are only that ... statistics. They are not you and don't ever stick yourself into one of those categories. Just let God.

... leave it to you to end you post with "Let the Sun Shine In"!

Love ya!

Joyfulsister said...

Happy sunday Sistah..

You are a such a beautiful sis, I know as women our hair is considered our crown of glory, but getting better and going through treatments to get well is just as important. I never got my eyebrows back I didn't have much to begin with lol. so I have gotten good at drawing them on. And Cora there will be days when no matter what people say you will feel yucky and moody, and you have a right to go through those moments. Get plenty of rest and drink alot of water, accept help from family and friends. I'll be sending out your card this week.

Luv ya Lorie

Deb said...

Hi Cora, just stoppin by to check on you and let you know that I'm thinking of you. Deb

Linda said...

Wow Cora, I'm so sorry to hear all this stuff.. well, apart from the good things of course.. ;)

Just remember that you have God on your side.. and you know God.. he's capable of doing anything.. and he still works miracles today! :D

Greetings from holland!

p.s. I just LOVE your new lay-out!

Raquel said...

Cora, hang in there! Remember, God said - This too shall pass. He is right there with you, wrapping his tender, loving arms around you. Much love, Raquel XO

Praying for you!