In some ways, it's been such a long week. It seems like ages since I posted last. Yet, here it is Saturday, and this storm is still hanging over our heads -- literally!
It's been cloudy and windy all week, but right here where we are, we've have not gotten the massive amounts of rain that others have gotten. Last night we got a good shower again, enough to make the grass grow another foot high. Will it ever dry out enough to mow????? Hay balers look like an option again! Or maybe my sister's goats could take care of it!
It's been a roller coaster week. Lots of ups and downs with how I feel -- some days just great and getting things done, and other days feeling like I'm 80 years old, needing lots of TLC and rest. I can't believe I have to go back this coming Wednesday for another chemo treatment on top of how I feel now. After a few of these treatments, I can't imagine scraping myself up off the floor to go back again. At least this time I'll know what to expect and prepare for those 18 wheelers that slammed into me this first time.
My hair is falling out by the handfuls. But you'd hardly know it because I had the thickest, fullest head of hair anyways. My sister hates the fact that I have to lose my hair. She said it's just the added "insult upon injury" to have to have cancer, go through all this horrible treatment, and then have to display to all the world a bald head, announcing in the ugliest way that you have cancer. I am prepared with my hats, though, and think they look pretty neat, even if I have to say so myself. The "nice" effect of the chemo (if there can be such a thing!)? No more facial hair, and some little "wart" looking things fell off my forehead! My face feels like baby skin, all nice and smooth! Not sure if I'll lose my eyebrows. I've never been good at drawing those on. One always looks different from the other. I may have to hire help with that one!
I have had a few deep, sobering thoughts lately. I guess I should stay off some of the breast cancer websites -- especially the ones that give the prognosis of the different stages of cancer. When I looked up mine, it said, "54% five year survival rate." Kind of sounds like, "you might make it or you might not!" Seems like a whole lot of misery to go through for that, but what are the options???? And of course, I hear from all these wonderful, well-meaning people who HAVE made it and beat this thing, and it is encouraging. But. . . . the other 46% are NOT here to tell me they didn't make it, right?????
I know you will tell me NOT to go there with my thoughts, to keep my hopes and my spirits high, to have faith, to pray, and to have a positive attitude about beating this thing. I guess I'm a realist and like to know what I'm up against here. I'm not discouraged. . . . yet! In fact, It does seem that there is some shrinkage in the size of the tumor already. At least on my own exam I can feel that. But since the infamous "hole" that has formed at the tumor site keeps getting larger and larger, and deeper and deeper, it's a little hard to tell. We'll see after this next treatment.
I'll just be so happy to get that mastectomy and get rid of this thing. I was disappointed that this was not done first, but I understand why they did not do it. I just hate dealing with it day after day like this. It seems like it will be forever into the future before that is done.
And I said at the beginning, "Time flies" ?????? Maybe it will.
I hope we see some sun today. Never thought I would say that in the middle of a HOT Florida August summer. But I'm suffering from "sun deficit!"
Remember that old 50's song, "Open up your heart and let the sunshine in!"
Scenic Overlook #3: FOMO
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